Mending The Broken
by LeavesofMyself
Summary: Hiei and Kurama are married. Two years after the marriage, Kurama abused Hiei. Then things get worse as Kurama gives Hiei something he dosen't want. What happens when Hiei takes the matter into his own hands?
1. My life

Gobstoppers: Hey Ya'll! How u doin'? I'm back with another fic and I want you to enjoy it. So I'll get right to da fic!  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Hiei's POV)  
  
I lay on the ground with a pool of blood around me.... my blood. I'm crying at me battered and bloodied self. I can't believe I would sink this low but I have. All of my days are like this. I go to work, come home, pay the bills, clean, cook, clean some more, get beatin', fix my self a small dinner, have sex, and go to bed. My life is really messed up right now but I know it will get better soon.  
I have prayed so many times for happiness and the day my secret lover to me he loved me was it. We were happy together. After about five days of dating he proposed. I know it seems too early but we both knew that each other was thee one. So we got married on Christmas that year, which was seven months later. It was a really nice wedding and it couldn't have gotten' any better. Yet, it did. The night we got to our new house I lost my virginity. It was so much like I had pictured it.  
Then everything began to go down hill about two years after our marriage. Kurama began to drink a lot, which got him into a lot of trouble. He was sent to Juby for a year. I don't know what happened in there but when he was released he was some how different. I didn't pay much attention to it until the day he hit me. I knew it was all over then. What happened was I forgot to take out the trash and he started to yell at me. I ignored him for some time until he called me a "Lazy-ass son-of-a-bitch whore." That was the last straw and I yelled at him. Then he hit me... hard. I didn't know why but he just did and the way he looked sent chills down my spine. He looked like he liked it.  
Then it got worse. Some nights he come home drunk and have sex with me, which really hurt. Some times he get really pissed of at something, come home, and take it out on me. It wasn't just yelling he beat me. His grades dropped a lot. He got into trouble at school and was kicked out. He lost his job. I was forced to take up two to three jobs during the day just to put food on the table. At night I would work from 10 to 3 in the morning in order to pay the bills. When I get home from my job I get an hours worth of sleep and go of to my other jobs. This happened for about twos years until Kurama told me I only needed to work two jobs because he found a place to work. It wasn't much but that was all we really needed to get by.  
Soon I wasn't working any more and things got better. He was working a full-time job as a waiter for Yuskue. The abuse stopped for a while and everything was back to normal. Kurama would come home after a days work and kiss me gentle. He'd tell me how much he loved me and how much he wanted to have children. I disagreed to have children just yet. I still thought it was too early to have kids even though we'd had been married for four years now. Don't get me wrong I do want to have children but I'm not ready to be a mommy, (Hiei Is the one that has the babies because he's ALWAYS on the bottom.) which brings us to this event. Kurama thought I didn't love him and was cheating on him so he beat me.  
  
*Flash back*  
  
Kurama came home early to surprise me. I was and we kissed each other for about four minuets. He said he was hungry so I went to go make him so food. After we ate he took me to the living room the talk. I was afraid that it'd be something bad.  
"What is it Kurama? Did you get laid off?" I asked him but he laughed and shook his head no. I smiled and knew it was good. I waited for about a minuet until he spoke.  
"Hiei, how do you feel about children?" he asked me and I didn't what he was talking about. It took a while for it to come together.  
"Well Kurama, I think I'm not ready to be a mother just quit yet." I said and Kurama looked at me for a moment and let go of my hand.  
"What do you mean by that? We've been married for four years now!" He shouted at me and made me flinch. He looked angry and I gulped.  
"I'm just not ready to have kids yet." I said back to him in a coldish tone. He slapped me and I flew to the ground. He stood up and walked over to me.  
"Don't you use that tone with me!" He shouted in my face and I nodded. "Why don't you want to have kids, HUH?!?!!!? Not ready?! Bull shit! Why?!!" He shouted at me and I glared at him.  
"If you want a baby so badly, why don't go out get fucked. Then you can deal with the morning sickness, stomach aches, cravings, aching body parts, and go through a lot of pain just to push it out!!!!" I shouted right back at him. He got off of me and glared at me. It was then I realized what I said. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Please don't hurt me." I cried but to no avail.  
  
*End of flash back*  
  
I was no cleaning away my cuts and bruises. I had taken a shower and rinsed away the blood. After I fixed up my body I went in the bedroom to sleep. When I got in there Kurama was waiting for me. I looked at him in fear but he smiled and I smiled back. He padded the spot next to him and I sat down. He wrapped his arms around my waist and started to kiss my neck. I groaned and leaned into the embrace. I felt him smile against my skin. He slowly turned me around in him arms and kissed me passionately.  
He licked my lower lip wanting in. I gave in to him and opened my mouth. His tongue darted in claiming my mouth over and over again. I moaned a little while kissing. We broke for air and I was about to say something when he kissed me again. He took advantage of my opened mouth and darted his tongue back in for another go. I moaned louder and was becoming aroused. He smiled and broke the kiss. He gentle push me back onto the bed and kissed me again. It was heaven for me. He hasn't been this loving in a two months.  
He pulled back once again and by now I was gasping for air. I felt his hand grab at my bulge making me gasp and become more aroused. He smiled at took my robe. I was no completely naked not that it bothered me. He kisses my weak spot making me cry out in pleasure. He moved from my neck down to one of my nibbles. He gentle sucked on it nibbling here and there. I moaned and worked on getting his robe opened. He smiled and pulled away making me whimper at the loss of his body. He untied his robe and took it off, throwing it somewhere on the ground.  
Kurama climb back on top of me and kissed me once again. I moaned as he claimed my mouth. He pulled away and nibbled my earlobe. My hands for roaming up and down his back. I sometime grab his butt cheek. He licked his way down my body and stopped at my navel. I groaned and wanted him to go on. He smiled and licked the top of my length. I moaned stronger and he kissed it again. My hands were tangled in his flaming red hair pushing him to take me. He tooked me completely into his mouth making gasp in pleasure. He sucked hard while I cried out. I was in heaven. He would lick the under side with his skillful tongue making me throw my head side to side. The funny thing is I was starting to sound like a GIRL with my moaning.  
I was about to come when he pulled back. I growled at the lose making him giggle a little. He flipped us over so now I was on top. I knew what he wanted me to do. I sat up and got off of him. He looked at me weirdly though.  
"I need you to put on a condom for me." I said and he nodded. He got out of bed and went into the bathroom. I smiled at him being so generous tonight. He came back out about two minuets later and laid back down. I climbed back on top and grabbed his cock. I held it in place as I lowered my self onto it. I groaned in pleasure and pain. I waited a minuet for me to adjust before rocking my hips back and forth slowly. He throw his head back and moaned a little. I was gasping with pleasure. I began to rock faster and faster.  
"More!" I groaned and he knew what I meant. So he sat up with me in his lap. After I got comfortable I began to bounce in his lap. "Oh god! Yes! Yes!" I moaned and moved a bit quicker. I threw my head back and let out a silent scream. Kurama just looked at me and smirked. I didn't know why but I was too deep in pleasure to care. Then Kurama let out a loud and strong moan.  
"God Hiei! Why do have to be so tight and hot?" He groaned. I smiled at that and quicken the pace. I wanted to make love like this all night with him.  
  
"Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" I moaned as I came but I kept going. He needed to come and I wanted another release. I wanted more. I needed to fill him deeper in me.  
"Deeper!!!" I shouted in pleasure. He smiled and started to pound upwards with my motion. It made me scream out. I'm sure my neighbors could hear us right now. I didn't care. I knew Kurama's of releasing was coming closer so quickened. I let a silent scream come out.  
"Harder!" I screamed and he went as hard as he could. I threw my head back and screamed at the top of my lungs. Kurama was letting out little mans letting me knew he soon to come. I now was going as fast as I could bounce.  
"Unnnn... ahhhhh... Yes! Yes! Yes... Oh god.... unnnnnnnnnnnn..... Kurama... Yeeeeeeeeeee (silent scream of e's)s!" I moaned as I came once again. I could tell Kurama was coming very soon.  
"Oh yes! Yes. yes. yes. OH GOD! Hhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiii!!" Kurama shouted as he came giving one final deep, hard, and LONG thrust. By now my forehead was against his chest and I was breathing hard. He had his chin on top of my head gasping for air. I felt him flip us over with him still inside of me. I knew that he wanted more. We hadn't had sex in two months!  
"Can you keep on going or do you want some sleep?" he asked me and I thought for a moment. Of course I could keep going but what about his job?  
"What about work?" I asked him and he smiled and began to move again. I moaned and watched him. I lost eye contact with him because I was throwing my head side to side.  
"Tomorrow is our aniversy I took the day off." He whispered into my ear.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gobstoppers: Sorry but I want to go play my game so I got to go. Review Please! 


	2. Beaten By Love

Gobstoppers: Hey! I'm in depressing mood right now but I'll make your chapter right now. Maybe it'll help me cheer up. I doubt it but I'll do it anyway.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hiei continued to moan as Kurama slammed into him repeatedly. At the final thrust Hiei cried out Kurama's name. They lay there gasping for air. Hiei had a smile on his face. He and Kurama and made love the entire night and it was the best thing ever. Kurama hasn't been that nice or romantic since two years ago. Kurama also had a smile on his face. *Why? You'll just have to read on!* Kurama pulled out of Hiei and went into the bathroom. Hiei lay there in Heaven. Kurama came back out and lied next to Hiei wrapping his arms around Hiei's waist.  
Hiei snuggled closer to Kurama and yawned. Kurama giggled and kissed Hiei's forehead. Hiei smiled and closed his eyes allowing darkness to take over him. Kurama soon followed hid koi.  
  
Hours later....  
  
*Hiei's POV*  
I awoke to an empty bed. I closed my eyes again only to reopen them once more. I groaned and rolled over to look at the alarm clock. I let out a mocking groan as the bright neon red numbers flashed 11: 19 in the night. I yawned and sat up. Climbing out of bed and picked up my robe. I quickly put in on and walked out of our bedroom and to the kitchen. There I saw Kurama eating a sandwich. Gulping I slowly walked in. I continued to walk when I was roughly grabbed and hit up side my right cheek. I was sent flying into the counter.  
Hitting it hard, I came crashing down with a loud snap. Kurama just laughed evilly at the whole thing. My eyes were beginning to sting with the salty liquid called tears. I knew I couldn't let them out or the price would be all to painful. Kurama managed to see one roll down my cheek and walked over to me. He roughly grabbed my chin and made me look at him. I was terrified at this point. He chuckled darkly and kissed me harshly. I tried to pull away but his hand held me chin in place. When he pulled back I was breathing heavily.  
"Does it hurt, Hiei? Hum? Does it?" He asked me in a cold, emotionless tone. I let my tears free nodding. He smirked and smacked me once again. He was enjoying it I could tell. He never used to be this way but he changed when he was away.  
"To god damn bad!" He shouted in my face and grabbed my arm pulling me to my feet roughly. I cried out as pain shot through my body. Every fiber of my being was shaking with fear. I was too small and weak as Kurama would say, to fight back. Kurama shoved me into our bedroom and went to the closet. I knew damn well what was coming and I didn't like it one bit. I tired to stand up but it was to no avail. My body ached so bad I didn't know if I'd live or die.  
Kurama tore off my shirt and smirked. I didn't .like his smirks. They were always filled with anger, hate, and evil. I think the reason on why he changed was because of juby. Kurama took out his long, thin, leather belt and raised it high above his head. It came crashing down with so much force it could break a young child's tail bone. I was lucky enough to move out of its way. Kurama hissed in anger and brought it back down only harder and faster as the first time. It hit my back with a sound of thunder in the midnight sky. I screamed out in pain, agony, hurt, and betray ness. Kurama and I promised when we got married that we'd never hurt each other but he failed to keep his promise.  
There was another sound much like the first one only louder. I cried out once more only with more pain than any human can handle. I cried for misery yet it never came. My cries were like a wolf howling in the bitter winter wind. I wanted it to all end. For him to stop hurting my. I never was in so much hurt before. Not ever as a child did I feel this way. Why couldn't Kurama open his eyes and see what he is doing to me. I have enough scars already. I don't need any more. I'm not even aloud to get the mail with out him knowing other wise.  
You all must be thinking of how I should get help or if I should just leave. I wish it was that easy. I can't just up and leave. Kurama will hunt me down and bring me home. I'm lucky enough if he doesn't kill me on the spot. Kurama gets along with his mother, stepsister and stepfather. I think he has begun to forget about me. He must see me as a mistake. He was only eighteen when we were married. He never even finished collage. I told him we could wait and that he could graduate first but he thought I didn't want to get married with him.  
I even asked him one day if he even wanted to marry me. He looked at me and took three weeks to answer. I was heart broken. When I asked why took so long to answer, he said he was debating on the answer. I asked him the same question and he answered with a no. My heart shattered with that very word. How can a word so small, hurt so much? I cried for a long time after that and didn't stop until the day he came home with a sorrow look on his face. He had given me a 12 dozen of black roses that he had grown.  
Why does my life always end up as a horror movie? Why must I be tormented by his very present? Am I just a toy used to be played with and then thrown away? Nobody may ever answer the very questions that I have longed for answering. My fire that has burned deep in my heart burned out a long time ago and never will burn again. 


	3. Creeper

Gobstoppers: Hello Fans!  
Fans: *throws horse shoe*  
Gobstoppers: *Gets hit in the head by horse shoe* O_o  
Fans: ^_^  
Gobstoppers: Ow! My head hurts! What was that for?  
Fans: You haven't updated in a long time!  
Gobstoppers: Sorry. I was really busy with....  
Fans: Save it!  
Gobstoppers: !_! Okay..... Anyway..... I'm really, really, really, really,  
really sorry. I going to update today!  
Fans: *cheer*  
Gobstoppers: Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.... Yet I wish I did!  
__________________________________________________  
Creeper  
  
I can't live like this any more. It hurts so much; too much to be  
exact. Nothing should be this painful. Not even love is worth all this  
torment. It's not worth the blood, the yelling, the bruises, and the abuse.  
I can't take it anymore. I'm going crazy here. I hate Kurama, yet I love  
him. Is that even possible? I don't think it is..... yet.... I don't care what  
other people think of. It's my life not theirs. So they can just shut the  
hell up.  
Yet, nothing seems right anymore. I'm afraid for my life. My very  
well being. Something that I haven't feared for in a long, long time.  
Kurama is everything to me but nothing in the matter of the world. He is  
just another self-centered asshole, who thinks he controls everybody. He's  
wrong though! Yet, in a way he's right..... Sounds confusing doesn't it. It  
is.... It's so confusing that I'm going crazy. I think about suicide a lot  
more now. That's how bad it is....  
I wish I could get the old Kurama back but it's no use. He's gone...  
He's gone and he's never coming back. Only if I knew what happened while he  
was in that god forsaking place. I want to read his mind... See everything  
spill out before me but I can't I'll die. He said He'll kill me if I ever  
read his thoughts. I don't want that to happen at all.  
  
* man: the devil is in all of you!*  
  
Kurama has become the most feared person. He's even being  
disrespectful to his MOTHER! I know that I will not make it much longer. He  
has become something I hate the most. He's become something so evil that  
hell it's self would spit him back out. He walks during the day and hunts  
at night. There has been 10 reportages dead already and I know Kurama  
killed them all. I know I'm not to far down on his list. I guess he's  
making me suffer. Wanting me to crazy with all the pressure.  
He now goes by name creeper. I hate calling him that. It makes my  
blood run cold with rage. I have to control myself from unleashing  
something that will kill him. My Dragon Of The Darkness Flames. I know he  
deserves to die. Be sent to hell to repay for all the dirty deeds he has  
committed but....... I can't. I can't someone I love. It's impossible.  
I know he has changed for the worse but I can't give up on him. He  
never gave up on me. I know the real Kurama is in there somewhere. He  
waiting to some out again. To see the world as it once was not cowering in  
fear. Like I am now. He would admit his wrong doings and pay for his sins  
even if it is death. Though, he would hold me and tell me he's sorry a  
million time over again. I know it could come true and the chances are slim  
to none but I have to try, right?  
  
* creature core, you can't ignore  
i got a five thousand fingers a day, yeah  
a wrestle we, you can't break free  
with livin' on your breath, yeah*  
  
He'll find me in my room crying at night. He doesn't care. I don't  
think anybody cares anymore. No one has done anything to make him stop and  
neither has him. I just once would like a peaceful sleep and not have to  
worry about waking up in the middle of the night with Kurama standing over  
my bed with a knife raised high over his head. That thought made me shiver  
to the bone like every other thought I've had. All of them bad besides one  
and that one is just as scary as all the others. I kill him......  
Kurama has raped me over 150 times in two months. That's a lot, isn't  
it? I cry while he's violating me but he onl7y laughs and it not a good  
think. If he laughs that means he's enjoying your pain..... your suffering. I  
hate being his toy. I nothing but a mere play thing to him. Something to  
satisfy his pleasure while I writher in pain. I can't take much more of  
this abuse. It's getting to be too much!  
Now I'm expecting. Yes, that's right. I'm going to have a baby and I  
fear for its life as well as mine. The slightest mistake can kill it or me.  
I don't want that. I have to find a way to tell Kurama without him wanting  
to kill me. That is going to be the toughest thing I have ever had to do.  
*Sigh* This is not good. With him killing all of those people I don't think  
he'll like this very much. Oh well, here goes.  
I walk into Kurama's office after I knock and here his voice. He  
doesn't sound like he's I a bad mood. He's sounds like his old self but  
that soon washes away as I find myself lying on the floor with a throbbing  
headache. The first thing that comes to my mind is my child. It doesn't  
deserve to die. No not yet. It deserves a chance a life. To breathe, to  
take its first step, to say its first word, and to live a happy and meanful  
life. Not a life of pain and suffering.  
"What the hell do you want?" Kurama asked me in a ice cold voice. I  
stand to my feet in front of him and hold back fear. I was failing big  
time. My body was trembling and my heart was racing. It was going as fast  
as me. That's scary.  
  
* meet the creeper  
dig in deeper  
beat the creeper, yeah  
YEAH!*  
  
"I....Ummm...... We...... are........ going........ I ............. We............." I stuttered like a  
cowered. I was furious with my self. I wasn't that hard, was it? No it  
couldn't/t be hard to say 'Kurama I'm pregnant and you should stop abusing  
me.' Oh yeah, that go over him well.  
"Spit it out you imbecile!" Kurama said in an dangerous tone. Not  
good! Not good! My mind screams at me to run away and hide. Another half  
tells me to tell him the truth.  
  
* feelin dead in your eyes  
transform in the skys*  
  
Kuramai'mpregnant." I said in a rush tone barely above a whisper.  
Kurama looked confused at a moment the looked at me dangerously. I thought  
he was going to hit me, beat me, yell at me, or rape me..... but he didn't.  
There was nothing but silence. I wanted him to say something anything but  
he just stood there looking at me with a dark look. Say something Kurama!  
Anything, please! My mind boomed in my eyes. I shuttered as the look got  
darker. Let, he did nothing...... anything at all.  
"Please, say something?" I said in a pleading tone. I was on the  
verge of tears. What was he feeling? Angry, happy, furious, what? I didn't  
care as long as he said something. I didn't care if he was mad. I only  
wanted to hear him say something.  
  
* fabbin' out, the citys crowd  
like a dagger upon an' on your baby  
feel the kill, I know you will  
feed the monster and the lady*  
  
"How?" hew finally asked me. I was upset to say at the least. What do  
you think oh-mighty-creeper? You; you dumbass! As much as I wanted to say  
that I didn't. I stood there looking at him as if he was crazy.  
"You...." Was all I got to say before everything went black? It took  
over everything. My mind, my soul, my heart, everything. As much as I  
fought I just couldn't get away from the blackness. I was tried of the  
dark. I wanted my light back. I wanted Kurama back. I wanted my like back.  
  
*meet the creeper  
dig in deeper  
beat the creeper, yeah  
YEAH!  
feelin' dead in your eyes  
transform in the skys  
creature core, you can't ignore  
i got a five thousand fingers a day, yeah  
wrestle we, you can't break free  
with livin' on your breath, yeah  
meet the creeper  
dig in deeper  
beat the creeper, yeah  
YEAH!  
feelin' dead in your eyes  
transform in the skys  
meet the creeper(x4)  
man: I know maniacs are used to one thinks*  
_____________________________________________  
  
Gobstoppers: Well, I hope you liked it. The song was bye Rob Zombie called  
Meet the Creeper. I love him. He's the coolest. If you don't know who he is  
e-mail me and I'll send you a pic. ^_^  
R&R 


	4. I Can't Wait Forever

**Attention All Viewers! I, Gobstoppers, Will Be Changing My Name! For Now On I Will Be Call, NoOneLivesForever!!!!!! If U Have Any Question Please E- Mail Me At Girlpower121889aol.com Sorry For Taking Up Your Time!  
  
Gobstoppers  
**  
**Gobstoppers:** U heard it! I will no long go by Gobstoppers any more. So please let me know if you have any questions. I will not change my name until I get back from trucking with my Uncle Terry. I'm giving you an **advance notice.** Sorry for any inconvenience I have caused you.  
  
**Yami:** So does that mean you'll no longer annoy us?  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Ha ha! NO! I'll still be the same annoying person only with a different screen name! smirks  
  
**Keiko:** She's my hero!  
  
**Yami:** She's my worst enemy!  
  
**Gobstoppers:** I thought Mairk and Mailk were your worst enemy...?  
  
**Yami:** .... Well they're second after you, followed by Bakura, then Tea, then Yugi's grandpa, then Bandit Keith, then Maxamillion, then.....  
  
**Gobstoppers:** throws anchor at Yami's head  
  
**Yami:** xX  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Better. I'm still going to be my psycho, crazy, depressed, annoying old self....  
  
**Eike:** Just with a new name.  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Oh yeah, everybody meet Eike Kush! He'll be my new person to annoy; also he'll be helping me with my writing... I'm also going to start a new story under Shadow Of Destiny once I come up a excellent story line. Ya'll got any suggestions let me knew through your reviews!  
  
**Eike:** sigh I can't believe I have to put up with her.  
  
**Gobstoppers:** You know u love me!  
  
**Eike:** Yeah, whatever.....  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Anyone, I know you people hate my rambling so I'll get to the story after the disclaimer and a question..... **DOES ANYONE EVER READ WHAT AUTHORS ARE SAYING BEFORE THEY GO TO THE STORY OR DO WE JUST WRITE IT FOR NOTHING?!??!!!!?!  
**  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Eike or Yami or the song..... I think that's it.... --

**_Death Whispered A Lullaby_**  
  
"How?" he finally asked me. I was upset to say at the least. What do you think oh-mighty-creeper? You; you dumbass! As much as I wanted to say that I didn't. I stood there looking at him as if he was crazy.  
"You...." Was all I got to say before everything went black? It took over everything. My mind, my soul, my heart, everything. As much as I fought I just couldn't get away from the blackness. I was tried of the dark. I wanted my light back. I wanted Kurama back. I wanted my like back.  
  
Ever get the feeling that Death its self is close by. Breathing down your shoulder? Invading you personal space like a person to a bear? It haunts you until you go completely crazy or until you can't take it anymore and end it all. Everything in the world around you seems to disappear but you and death. Don't you hate how it will never leave you alone? It'll stick to you like glue weather your dead or not. I hate it!  
Yet, how can something you fear something so much brings you reassurance? A sigh of relief everyday as you wake up to a nightmare of a life. Something so bad can smell so good and bring peace to a world of suffering. A sweet lullaby like a mother would sing to her crying child. A lullaby that has killed billions yet people each day want it more now than ever. Have you ever felt that way?  
I have.... Something about makes smile a real smile. Not a sad death- defying smirk but a genuine smile. Something that makes me happy each time it came to my mind. Made my heart sore to new fond places. I don't want death to me or my child but having that as an option is something I can rely on, right? Even though I still cringe at the word. When it is said I want to run and hide yet I fell as if I have to face death in the eye.  
I stare at darkness in my future and I have to be brave enough to confront it when I don't I want to join it at that moment. Whatever he threatens me with, I won't care. He can threat to take my life away but it won't change a thing. I know what I'm getting myself into and I don't care what happens to me as long as my child is safe from harms way.  
They say death is the most feared thing on the universe. I am going to prove them wrong. There are many people that wish to have death take them everyday. Even in their prayers and dreams do they wish for the unforeseeable! I am one of those who death to take me now. I will never look back. Never! Yet, I can't join it just yet. Even though death whispered a lullaby.....  
  
** Out on the road there are fireflies circling  
Deep in the woods, Where the lost souls hide  
Over the hill there are men returning  
Trying to find some peace of mind**  
  
The lullaby has pulled billions to their fait but not me. I will not be the who will fall like the rest of the others. I will live on because I believe there is still some good left within the one I despise so much that I love him. Nothing will ever get in the way of me reuniting with the old Kurama. I will make sure of that. I do not wish for my child to live a life I had. I want my child's dreams and fantasies to come true. Everything they want from me I will be willing to give up even if it is my own life. I just want it to live a happy childhood unlike my own. More like its father's childhood.  
I stare into the emerald eyes of hell as I think this over. He sits on the other side of his office desk glaring at me. Thinking of what to do with someone who is expecting a child. We haven't spoken since I told him he was going to be a father. After that moment darkness consumed whatever light I had left in my narrow tunnel. Nothing but blackness surrounds me. Squeezing me of my life and oxygen. Why won't this beast that sits before me say something? He watches my squirming figure. He gaze burning a hole straight through my soul and body...... my hopes..... my dreams.  
He begins to move his mouth as if saying something but nothing comes out. Why? Why must he hurt me so and not even care to how this is affecting me. I can't deal with stress now. Not with a baby developing within my body. He stands and moves to stand by me. He moves as if he is within the shadows of hell. Nothing more and nothing less. But must he hate everything or what?  
He stops when he is directly in front of me. I sallow hard and stare into those emeralds burning with hate. I turn my gaze away and stare into the wall. He must have seen this as a sign of fear because he laughs darkly. I sigh and only ignore him. What else can I do to a beast that now has a major advantage over me? I feel rough cold blood stained hands on my cheeks making me shudder. My head is forced to stare into those hateful eyes. There so cold think a glazier. Nothing but pure hate for the world and its people in it. Why must he be so cold and distant? What happened to him in juby?  
He seems shocked as he stares in to my dulling eyes. He expects to see fear and hurt in my eyes. Yet, he is meeting with sad, caring eyes that he hasn't seen in years. He removes his hands and stares into my eyes as if in a daze. He slowly wipes away a tear as it leeks from my sadden eyes. I have cried in front of Kurama but he has never wiped away a single tear until now. I can see straight through those hating eyes to the man Kurama was before. I know his soul still rest within somewhere. Why must he act so surprised? He knows I love him more than life itself. Nothing will ever change that no matter what he does to my body. He will never destroy the love that I hold for him within my soul.  
I hear him stammer my name as if trying to remember my name. I smile and he looked even more surprised. I bet he is wondering how I can smile with so many tears in my eyes. Though, he doesn't know my tears hold happiness. I hold so much hope in returning him to his old self. I wish this moment would never end. He slowly leans down and looks closer into my crimson eyes. A small smile tugs at the corner of his rose petal lips. I sigh and lean closer wanting to taste kindness once more. Our lips touch in a light kiss that only seems as if a butterfly had landed on your bare skin. He pulls away quickly and slaps my face. Yet, it seem didn't like a slap just more of a sign.  
"Why do you not fear me? Why do you not shake in terror like the others did before I killed them?" He asked in a cold yet warm tone. His voice was beginning to change from what it is to what it was. I sighed and stood up. I saw him take a step back and I frowned. Does he think I am going to hurt him? Why would I ever hurt the one I love?  
"Because, love, I am not like the others. I don't care what you do to my body or how much you abuse me... I will and still love you forever and ever." I say in response hoping to trigger something in his memories. I know he must think I am crazy but the truth is I kinda am. If I can get Kurama to remember me then he will remember his old self and go back to the ways when we were happy. Kurama looks at me with those hatred eyes and growls like a predator tailing it's prey. I sigh and turned to walk away but he stopped me.  
  
**Sleep my child  
**  
"Where the hell do you think your going?" asked Kurama with venom in every word he had just spoken. A cold chill ran down my spin as I awaited my punishment. Why won't god set my free from this nightmare? To just let me awake in my lover's arms as he tells me it wasn't real and that everything will be fine. I have paid my dos. Why must I suffer?  
"I was going to take a walk, Kurama. I thought you would like some time to your self to think this over. I know you do not need me to burden you with my needs. I will leave and come back in one hour to see what you have to say about me being pregnant." I spoke as if I had no soul. That my mind was taken over and force to say something so annoying. I only wanted him to be happy even if that meant removing me from the picture. I still want to know what they had done to the real Kurama. I know he is not the hateful and angered. Yet, I don't seem to do a thing about this anymore. I have put up with the abuse for 2 years, 9 months, and 13 days. Strange how one will remember how long he or she has been in a horrible situation, such as now.  
"You will do no such thing slave! You will not walk outside while carrying my child within you. If something happened to the baby it would be your head. I wouldn't want that considering I would need you to make another baby." Kurama spoke with such ice. I hated hearing hate and anger within his voice. It used to be so soft and caring that it would stop a war. I only nod knowing he did not give me a direct question or something he would like me to reply to. He smirked and grabbed my upper arm painfully, I hissed. He was going to abuse me even when pregnant.  
"Hiei, I should thank you for letting me get you pregnant." He said as that annoying smirked stayed in placed on his lips. I looked on in fear and anger. Why now?! Why dare to lose a child while trying to make me scream in pain. Yet, he tugged painfully on my arm leading me towards our bedroom. I smile slightly at all the heated passions we have shared with the king size bed in the middle. Once upon the door to the bedroom we entered. Kurama closed and clicked the lock into place behind me. My body shake now with great terror. I knew he was going to hurt me.  
"Now then slave," Kurama began putting more venom into the word slave more than the others. He stared at me with cold angered eyes before letting out an evil laugh. He began to walk near me with an evil look on his face. It normally meant death. I would know because he would drag me along to make me watch innocent people die. I backed away until I met with the end of the bed. My knees buckled under me as I fell backward onto the soft mattress. Kurama continued to what he was saying earlier, "I wouldn't want you to not enjoy this so I'll have to make this extra painful." he sneered as I felt hot liquid sting at the corners of my eyes. I knew he was going to hurt me more if I cried so I tried to hold it back.  
"Is the little baby going to cry?" mocked Kurama and I shook with rage. How dare he call me a baby! Yet, there wasn't anything I could do to make him stop. I have tried everything and anything to get him to realize how much he's hurting me. I threaten to go to the police and have him arrested but he said if I ever tried that he would not only kill me but my sister, Yukina, as well. I shuddered at the thought. To that threat I also earned a new set of scars. He, with a knife, wrote property of Kurama on my chest, legs, arms, and my lower back. I had to go to the emergency hospital because I couldn't stop the bleeding and I knew Kurama wouldn't do a thing to help me.  
"No, master.... I am not going to cry. I just wish you would see how much you are hurting the ones you love. I wish you would go back...." I began but was slapped across the face with such force I nearly fell off the bed. I should have known. I am never to speak of his past life or friends in front of him or in his house.  
"I told you NEVER and I mean NEVER to mention my past life! I was NOTHING back then, do you hear me?! NOTHING!!" Kurama boomed with anger and hate. I guess something did happen while he was in juby but why won't he tell me? Why? All I want to do is help him and maybe live happier.  
"I'm sorry but why not?" I asked hoping this time I would get some real answers. Something I have been waiting all my life to hear. I only want Kurama to love again. To live a life of peace without anger. If I have to force it out of him and be killed in the process then I will. No matter what happens to me I won't let him die in anger and hate for the world. He has lived amongst the humans for to long to do this to them. He is turning in Youko all over again. Yet, I know this is not Youko's doings... He respected the choice his other half made.  
"You are not to ask question's slave!" Kurama hollered with pure hate and rage. I can see in his eyes he is ready to kill. I can see death within those emerald green eyes. I can smell death in the air. It was never a good sign.  
"Please, tell me. As you husband I demand to know what's wrong with you.... Please, tell me." I said as I grew concerned as I saw fire burning hate rising within the orbs of green. Why change them when they used to hold love for everything of any kind. Why change after so many years of happiness?  
  
** Under the fog there are shadows moving  
Don't be afraid, Hold my hand  
Into the dark there are eyelids closing  
Buried alive in the shifting sands  
**  
"That is none of your damn business slave! Now shut the hell up!" scream Kurama with venom. I shook my head no and to my surprise Kurama looked at me with shock once more. I guess he wasn't expecting my defiance. He was hoping that I would shut up due to fear. Well he's wrong!  
"No... Not anymore, Kurama. I not going to take this anymore! I am not a slave; I am Hiei, your husband. I deserve to be treated like one and I deserve to be happy. I don't need this from you. I have a baby to get ready for, I don't have time for your abuse or your hate anymore. Either tell me what is bothering you or you can kiss my ass good-bye. I'll leave! I swear it.... I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER'S GRAVE I'LL LEAVE!!!!" I spoke with nothing more than tiredness. I wanted no more of this life of hell. He was either going to change his ways or never see me again. EVER! Kurama looked shocked and then grew angry.  
"You wouldn't dare leave! You know that I will hunt you down and kill you, you slave!" Kurama spat back sending me over the edge. I couldn't take the abuse anymore. I couldn't take him being so cruel to other and me. I had to get away, to be set free. I looked at him with every emotion I have bottled everything up with in the last 2 years. Anger, hate, despise, betrayal, rage, love, everything!  
"That's it! I can't take it anymore! I'm leave for good! I tried to get you to change back to the way you were before but you didn't listen! I tired to make you see how much you are hurting me! I guess you really like your new cold hateful self! Well this is the last straw! I'm leaving!!! YOU HEAR ME?!! LEAVING!! I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! I NEED TO BE FREE FROM THIS HATED WORLD YOU HAVE CREATED FOR ME TO LIVE IN!!! I CAN'T STAND TO SEE YOU MAKE PEOPLE SUFFER AND CRY OUT IN PAIN..... If you were half the man you use to be you would have known that.... I'm sorry Kurama, but I can't stand living with you anymore. I can't... I just can't. Please forgive me Kurama but I must be going. I also want a....." I screamed but they died away into whispers. I knew he could hear me but I didn't care anymore. I need somewhere I could be free from all harm. Even if that meant.....  
"You want a what, Hiei?" asked Kurama with a slightly shaky voice. I looked up and for the first time, since we were married, he look as if he were ready to break down and cry. I guess I had finally gotten through to him... Yet, it's to late now. The past can't be changed. I know this for a fact. If it could be changed I would have gone back in time to change everything that had happened to Kurama that put him in the state now.  
"A divorcé....." I said with a sigh and looked up to see the first of many tears to come drop from the corner of his eyes. I looked away trying hard myself not to cry. He nodded and moved out of the way so I could leave. As I was about to walk out the bedroom, I felt Kurama grab me by the shoulder. I shrugged him off not wanting anymore to say to him. He must have looked hurt but this is what I had to do. I had to leave. I had to, right? As I reached the front door I turned and looked Kurama in the eyes and let my first tears come pouring down my face. Kurama also had a tear stained face. "Good-bye Kurama." I said and turned back around to walk out the door. I heard Kurama whispered something softly but it was loud enough for me to hear. I chocked on a sob that was arising in my throat. I shut the door and left. Finally after all these years, I'm being set free. Nothing was holding me back to set off and have a life of my own. I was free... I turned around and took one last glance at my pass before walking onward to my future.  
  
**Sleep my child  
**  
(Kurama's POV)  
  
I looked around the room before shaking my head. How could I have been so blind? I had to abuse him for my own sick pleasure instead of working to meet his needs. I walked slowly to the kitchen and sighed. I could feel a sob coming to the surface yet I didn't allow it to come out. How could I hurt the one I married? The one I sold my life to? The very person I vowed to protect. Now he's gone and he will never return. It's over. He wants a divorce and all I can do is agree. I have no say in this. Not after they way I treated him for so many years. He made the decision on his own so I can't do anything to stop him. It was his choice so I should let him have a chance to be happy. Even if it means removing my self from the picture.  
I wiped away my tears on my sleeve and looked the cabinets for something to wash away my pain. Finding nothing I moved to the fridge. God must have listen because on a shelf of the fridge was a 24 pack of beer. I grabbed the whole thing and walked back to our- my bedroom and sat on our- my bed. It had only been fifteen minuets but it felt like forever to me. I wonder how Hiei is. Sighing, I open the pack of beer and taking out a small can of beer. As I opened the beer I saw a photo of mine and Hiei's wedding day sitting on the nightstand. I looked away and allowed fresh tears to pour down like rain from my face.  
I took a long sip of beer and sighed. It wasn't the best thing in the world and it wouldn't numb the pain forever...but it was good for something's. Well, at least I hoped so. As I took another sip I stood and walked over to the closet. Upon opening it I was showered with boxes that fell from the top shelf. Looking down at the mess I sighed. I just didn't have the heart to clean up. Bending down I pulled three small shoe boxes from the heap. After setting them down on my bed I walked to my dresser. Opening it I pulled a big leather bind book out and sat back on the soft bed. Looking at the new photo album I sighed. It was supposed to be for our anniversary but now I guess I'll have to give it to Hiei as a farewell gift. The card should say from the dumbass, good for nothing, piece of shit, ex-husband...to an angel named Hiei.  
I placed the album to the right and looked over at a shoe box marked new years, wedding, 1st anniversary, and Christmas on it. Opening the box I was surprised at how many photos we had taken. I smiled at the memory of each one. I growled and wiped the smile off my evil face. A beast such as my self doesn't deserve to be an angel. I took out a packet of photo and set to work on the perfect farewell gift. I was going to make a photo album of nothing but wonderful memories. Even if that meant me hurting more. I grabbed another beer because of already finishing the first one off. I took a huge gulp after opening it I sighed. So my work began.  
  
(Yukina's POV)  
  
I had heard about the fight my brother and Kurama had gotten into and I grew worried for both their sake. I know they'll sink into deep depression but the only one that will be able to come out is Hiei. He has a baby he is getting ready for that will be able to bring him much joy and love. As for Kurama he has nothing. Everybody has left him or given up on his abusive ways. I feel horrible for him. He has nothing comfort him in his time of need. I know it was his fault for driving my brother to wanting a divorce but still.... I can't help but feel as if there is something missing to the puzzle. I guess I'll have to talk to him when I get to his house.  
Hiei had asked me last night if I would go by Kurama's house and pick up a few belonging's. Of course I had agreed right way. It gives me a chance to talk to Kurama about last night and what he's going to do now. I wish I could turn back time to let them know they really need each other. Then this whole thing could have been easily avoided.  
I sighed as I draw closer to Hiei's old home. I know he's going to miss it very much. I hate to face it but things are going to be a lot harder from here on out. Hiei will have to be a single parent and raise his child alone. Even thought he has his friends and me.....we could never replace the father of the child. One day the child will want to know of its father and what will Hiei say. Will he mention him at all to his child or not? Time can only tell and he will have to cross that bridge alone when he gets to it not until then....  
I can see the house as it stands out from the others. It's such a beautiful house. I have never seen any house like it. I sigh and realize that soon Kurama will have to move. He will not be able to pay the bills on his own. Not at least to any of my knowledge. I shook my head and walked up to sidewalk to the lovely home. I rang the door bell as I reached the front door. I got no answer and I tried knocking but he wouldn't come to the door. I turned the door knob and to my surprise it came loose of its closed position. Walking inside I search for Kurama everywhere. I had one more place to try and that was the bedroom.  
As I walked inside I saw beer cans litter the trashcan. Kurama was lying with his back to me and from the way he looked it was as if he was crying. He shoulder's shook violently. I could hear soft pleas of my brother's name and saying for him to come back. Kurama was in a roughed up sate. He hadn't even changed his cloths since yesterday. I looked to the foot of the bed and saw a bag and Hiei's katana.  
"That's why you came isn't it? To gather things to take back to Hiei?" asked Kurama and I sighed. Kurama sounded so lonely now that Hiei had left. I walked to the foot of the bed and retrieved the bag and the sword. Kurama stood and didn't even bother to wipe away his tears as he turned toward me. I looked away from him. He looked so lost and scared, like a puppy with out an owner. He walked up to me and looked down in his hands. I did the same and smiled slightly. In his hands was a picture of Hiei on their honey moon. Kurama had taken Hiei to America to visit. He had a wonderful time to what it looked like in the picture. Hiei was smiling as the sunset in the background giving Hiei's figure and angelic look to it.  
Kurama kissed the picture and place it atop the bag and went to the window and looked out it. There was no sun and it looked as it was about to rain. Storm clouds hung over head and threatened to send the people of Earth running in all directions to their home. I shook my head in shame and began to say something but Kurama cut her off.  
"Please just go." Kurama said in a torn voice and sighed. I nodded and headed for the front door. I turned back and sighed once again.  
"He wished you luck, Kurama." Was all I said before closing the door and walked to the front door. I could hear sobbing from Kurama's bedroom and cringed. I hated hearing people so sad. I can't stand to hear the suffering of the world. It pains me to much. In my homeland there was nothing or no one in pain. Nothing! Not even the animals that lived among or people. Yet, why must it happen to Hiei and Kurama? Sighing, I began my journey home to my love and Hiei.  
  
(Hiei's POV)  
  
I sighed and stared at the wall ahead of me. It has only been a few hours since our fight last night. I can't believe all this is coming to an end because Kurama couldn't see his own mistakes. I could feel rage boiling in my blood last night that I haven't felt since we were married. Everything I had left for Kurama came spilling out. I couldn't stand to see him again because it would only hurt worse. The pain in my heart would grow and the emptiness within my soul would take over everything. I wanted nothing more of him. I couldn't.... not again.  
I sent Yukina to grab my belongings. I couldn't face him just yet. He and I needed more time before we see each other again. Even if that means we have to be apart for years. I still don't understand why he couldn't see his mistakes and correct them. He had to go and be what he was instead of what he is. He seemed like he was immortal....no pain had ever came to him until last night. He was like a beast with no feelings except to get revenge who wronged him in the past, even if that meant harming innocents beings. I still can't shake the feeling that something horrible is going to happen to him now that no one cares. No one is there to take care of his now broken and battered soul. Nothing will be able to pull him out of the darkness that will come to surround him.  
I feel awful about leaving him alone knowing that his own family doesn't care anymore. Yet, I can't go back to the abuse.....to the pain that I suffered everyday. Never knowing if I was going to live to see the next day break. I can't go back to it, never. I am leaving him for good. That means no more seeing him and no more caring for him. This will be hard on the both of us. I will have to take care of his baby and try and avoid the subject of its father when it grows old enough to understand.  
I sigh and looked out the window of my room to see rain pour down from the heavens above. It seemed like the angels were crying for us. I shook my head in shame. Why would something so pure cry for someone so evil. I stand and walk to the mirror that was hanging on the open closet door. Looking at my self I smiled. I could see a small bulge were the baby was growing within me. I placed both of my hands on either side and smiled bigger. I can't believe that there is another life living within me until it wants to be known. I can't wait to hold the little bundle of joy in my arms for the first time. I just hope every thing will go smoothly for my pregnancy. I can only pray that no harm will come to this child.  
Walking over to my bedroom door I peaked out the small keyhole to see if anyone was outside my room. Not seeing anyone I opened my door just a crack and looked out just to make sure. Seeing the coast was clear I step out into the passion-filled hallway. The walls were a sere white with no markings what so ever. The floor was of pure oak wood that shined under the light from the hall ways walls. Upon one end of the hallway lay a small picture of the gang. Everyone had a smile on their face. It looks like it was taken just after the Dark Tournament. Sighing, I walked to the living room and sat down on the soft comfortable sofa.  
I heard the front door open signaling that Yukina had returned home safely. I smiled and ran to the door to great her. As I reached the door I could see pain and despaired within my sisters eyes. Yet, she still held the happiness she always did. Walking up to her I took my bag and katana. Why she brought that with her I did not know. She looked at me and smiled slightly before following me to my room. As I was packing my things away into the closet se spoke.  
"I hope you are making the right choice. I know it's not my place but Kurama looked so lost and pained without you there. Sorry to bring this up...." Yukina said in a soft and caring voice. She sounded like an angel. Sometimes I wondered if she was an angel that was sent here to be stole peace on Earth. Yet, the way she spoke of Kurama sadden my greatly. I wonder what he is going to do with the rest of his life without me.  
"I have no choice, Yukina. I gave him a chance to change but he didn't take it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate to leave him all alone in the world but I have to. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Am I, Yukina?" I said and watched my sister sigh. She walked in and motion me sit next to her on the bed. As I did as I was told I felt her arms in circle me in a hug. I was a bit shocked but hugged her back. This is what I needed in my life. I needed warmth and happiness.  
"I do not know, Hiei. Time will tell." She whispered and I nodded. I asked her if I could be alone for a while. She agreed and told me she was going to make lunch. I nodded and began to unpack again. As I reached the bottom of the bag I noticed a photo album laying there. I reached in and picked it up. It was a bit heavy telling me that it was full. I walked over to my twin sized bed and opened up to the first page. As I looked at the page I noticed all the pictures were from all the good times we had. On the back of the front cover it read: "I know I wasn't the best husband but we did have some good times. I placed every memory that I cherish within this book so you can see that I did and still do love you. I am so sorry for hurting you but please...... Never forget the times we had fun and loved. Never forget who you are and please...... Never forget me....." Tears welled in my pools of dull burned out fire. I knew now that Kurama was really hurting and that he was sorry. More important he remembered his old self and went back. I just wish he listened earlier to me. It's to late now.  
  
**Speak to me now and the world will crumble  
Open a door and the moon will fall  
All of your life, All your memories  
Go to your dreams, Forget it all  
**  
I looked through the rest of the album until I cam to the last page. In it were no pictures but a letter that had been written to me when Kurama had first told me of his love. I smiled and ran a finger over the letter. I was so shocked that I couldn't speak through the entire conversation that he had on the phone with me that night. Afterwards he came over with two dozen of white roses, my favorite flower. We spent the rest of that night in each others arms watching a movie. We fell asleep on the couch and were awoken the next morning by Kurama's family. When we told them that we were in love they all smiled and gave me a big hug welcoming me to the family. We made love after dinner that night. I was my first time and it was his in human form.  
I look over to the back of the back cover and sigh. I read it over and over again allowing the words to sink into my brain. I can't help but let fresh tears run down my face. Why would he ask such a thing when he knew I would always do anything he wanted. I have forgiven him, I have and it won't change anything. I close the album and lay it on my nightstand. Sighing, I lie down on my bed and close my eyes. Our wedding day flashed through my mind and I smiled. Then darkness took over my mind as I fell asleep.  
  
**Sleep my child**

**Gobstoppers:** Oh Yeah, Baby!  
  
**Yami:** XX  
  
Eike: Yami's still knocked out you know.  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Really..... takes buck of water Let's see if this helps any. throws water on Yami  
  
Yami: XX  
  
**Eike:** Oh, yeah  
  
**Keiko:** I'm bored  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Hi bored... I'm Gobstoppers, the blonde is Eike, and the one on the floor is Yami.....  
  
**Keiko:** That's not what I meant!  
  
**Eike:** lol  
  
**Gobstoppers:** I know  
  
**Keiko:** whatever storms off  
  
**Yami:** My head hurts.....  
  
**Gobstoppers:** YAY!!!! Yami!  
  
**Yami:** runs off stage  
  
**Eike:** Looks like he hates you  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Phooy  
  
**Herro:** Gobstoppers, stop annoying people  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Hey Herro  
  
**Herro:** nods  
  
**Jin:** walks up on stage  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Hello Jin!  
  
**Jin:** Hello  
  
**Gobstoppers:** Anyway, I have to get going. -- cries I'll be back though  
  
**Jin:** Review  
  
**Yami:** REVIEW!  
  
**Eike:** Review please  
  
**Keiko:** Review pretty please  
  
**Herro:** Review before I blow your brains out!  
  
**Everybody:** Review!!!  
  
**Gobstoppers:** U heard em'


	5. Come Home Koi, Please Come Home

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I promised I would update over the break so I'm going to.

**Heero:** Let's just hope you actually finish this update.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** That was mean Hee-chan!

**Heero:** hn

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, you don't have to be a sour puss!

**Heero:** hn

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** …..I hate you

**Heero:** hn

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Anyways, This is chapter number five baby! Wooooooohoooooooooooooo!

**Kurama:** Kool!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Now Kurama will to the disclaimer so we can move onto the story.

**Kurama:** Sing does not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. Thank god that she doesn't, however, Sing does own Sakura Saiyuki so if you want to use her in your story…. ASK FIRST! Now then, on to the story.

-------------------------

**Come Home Koi, Come Home**

(Kurama's POV)

It's been almost a week since I have seen my dear Hiei and each minuet that passes by destroys more and more of the very little sanity I have left. I'm going crazy! I can't stand this bitter ship between my koi and I; this thin imaginary line that drives right down the middle of good and evil; the line that separates me from Hiei. I hate the fact that it was I who drove away Hiei. Why did I have to hurt him so much to the point of a divorcé? Divorce…… the word still rings through my head like a warning bell. I don't think I can move on without him by my side. I love him too much for that but I pretty sure that all hope is lost for I will never win back his heart.

Hiei has only spoken to me once after he left and that was only to tell me when the papers for the divorce would be arriving. I held back the sobs on the phone but my voice cracked every time I spoke to him, trying to get him to change his mind and come home to me, where he belongs. Hiei only sighed on the other end and hung up before I could truly convince him to come back to my awaiting arms. The night I went out to a bar and had gotten drunk before staggering my way to Yukina's house. I stood outside the house for a good three hours before hanging my head in defeat.

I'm so worried about how he is going to take care of the little one now that I am out of the picture for good. The child will feed at Hiei's youkai until he is completely out and will be in need of more. Yukina can't do anything to help because it will interfere with the child's development. Hiei will need the child's father's youkai in order for it to be healthy and fully develop in time for the birth. If he fails to get the amount needed for the child, not only will the child die but most likely take down him as well. I fear for him and the small life growing inside of him. Yet, he doesn't want me to do anything to help him with the baby and I shall not break the wishes that he has strictly given to me, not unless he wants me to. I doubt that that will ever happen but I still pray that he'll want me back, even if only means to keep the child alive. If he leaves after that then so be it… I will not stand in the way of his future anymore. I only want to help him but if he finds another more suitable mate then good for him. I will not stand in the way if he decided to either bond with a demon or get married to another human with I surely think he will go for the demon to aid him. I only want my koi to be happy and if that means he no longer wants to be with me, then so be it. I only want him to feel what he should feel and that is belonging….. Even if I am to watch from the sidelines like a forgotten toy and have my heart shattered even more than it is now…..

As I sit here in my foreboding room, I can not help but think of Hiei and the smile that he wore when I proposed to him. Then he was so thrilled that day and he could not wipe that smile that he wore. Just thinking about him makes my heart wrench in pain and loneliness. I haven't left the house for five days now, to aghast to let the world see me braking inside; to apprehensive to allow the world to see what is really behind the Creeper's mask. I don't want the world to see me braking inside. I don't want them to know that I can hurt and I don't want to them to see the pain that is tearing down my world. These feeling of loneliness won't leave me alone and all I can do is drank them away, hoping; praying that they will never come back.

God why can't you just see me? Why can't you just give me another shot I and I swear to make it all better? I only want you to be happy, even if that means you never seeing me. I just want to know that you're alright and if you still love me. I only want to ask you if you still would consider coming back home to me, where you belong. Please, koi, come home and wash away all this unbearable despondency. Please, koi; Hiei, come back home to me; come home koi, please come home.

(Hiei's POV)

_**Seems just like yesterday, you were a part of me**_

_**I used to stand so tall; I used to be so strong**_

Oh, Kurama….. I miss you so much but I don't think I could ever come back to you after the way you have treated me. After all the beatings and raping I have endured I think about how I could still love a creature such as yourself. I want to know how I came to love you in the first place and how, after all the time we spent together, how you could hurt your mate. I'll never forget what you have done to me and I don't ever think I will.

You were always the smart one and would always make a plan before we went into battle as part of the Renkai Tentai Team. (I don't know if I got that right.) You always thought over the situation in your head and no matter how hopeless things became you never lost you cool. The only time we got to spend together, you would teach me how to read a human clock and all kinds of things so I could survive in your world after I was sealed off from the demon world, my home for as long as I could remember. You were the only one that some how knocked down all the carefully build walls of ice around my heart long enough to see the real me. You made the effort in trying to communicate, hoping that one day I tell you all my little secrets that I had stashed in the back of my mind. When I finally did begin to open up, you took the time listen to what I had to say. You made me feel so special and wanted, not like the Forbidden Child that I truly was. You made me realize that I was not a Forbidden Child and that that was only a label; a name placed on me when I was banished from my home land.

The thing that had frightened me was that you made me feel thing I had never experienced before. I was so afraid of telling you what I really felt for the fear of rejection but I should have known better. The day I came to your house after a battle I was in and needed you help in bandaging my wounds, was the day you saved me from myself. You held me in your arms as I, for the first time in years, cried from all the pain that was bottled up within my heart and soul. When you gently lifted my face upwards to meet yours and as you leaned in to kiss me, I was so joyful. I could think was that you felt the same way I did. After the weeks of coming home to you and you holding me, telling me that you loved me, I couldn't help but think of wanting to spend my life with you by my side. The day you proposed…… I was truly happy for the first time in my life. I had someone that loved me……. And I loved them back.

Now, I can only think of the things you put me through. The pain you put on my body and taking me without so much as a concern as to what you were doing to me. I couldn't but think that you didn't love me anymore. Why, Kurama? Why did you drive me away and force me to get a divorce when you could have changed and we could have been happy? I feel bad because you have no one to love you if I am gone. No one would care for you and no one would want you back after what you did to them. You betrayed them like you betrayed me. No one loves you anymore, not your stepfather, not you stepbrother, not you mother….. no one and I can only think about how miserable you must be as of now. Alone in your room with nothing but memories for company. It must be hard for you to know that you no longer have anyone. No shoulder to lean on when you're crying, no one to hold you and take away all the pain, no one to love you the way they use to; nothing…..

(Kurama's POV)

My room is so unimpassioned voided of all feelings but pain and suffering. Staring out my window to the rain pouring down without mercy to those still out, I begin to think once more about how I have no one left. I was rude and hateful to everyone close to me that no one wants to be around me anymore. I disrespected my mother, told my stepfather and stepbrother that I hated them, pushed away all my friends and dropped out of school. I have nothing left to live for besides my dreams of everyone forgiving my and for my darling Hiei to return home to me but sadly they are only dreams and nothing of the sort will happened.

Would any care if I was kidnapped or went missing? Would anyone care if I were to die in my sleep or if I were to just commit suicide? What if I was taken hostage and held for ransom, would anyone pay the money to get me back or would I just be left alone to die? Does anyone want me back? Does anyone care anymore about me or have they moved on with their life, erasing me from their memory; erasing me from existence? No….. no one care about me anymore. If I were to die they wouldn't give a damn about it. They would throw a party honoring that I was dead and to never walk among the humans again.

I allow the tears of pain and grief to slowly glide down my cheeks and onto the pillow under my head. A sobbed racked my body as I cried out in loneliness but no one heard me. No on could hear my broken spirit or the fact that I had taken down all the walls built around my heart to protect myself from the hateful world. No one knows what I went through when I was sent to juvy. I refuse to tell anyone about what happened to me, I won't even tell Hiei for he will look at me in disgust before yelling at me then turning away and leaving me like he has already done. No…. no one must know.

As the thoughts of having to be alone for the rest of my existence caused the tears to fall faster and the sobs to come harder. As I cry all my pain away I can't stop thinking about my unborn child that I have already neglected and how Hiei must hate me for doing this to him. I cry for hours and when the tears finally stopped and the sobs quieted down the doorbell rang. As I sat up in my bed I ran a hand through my hair before standing and heading down to the first floor. Before opening it, I take a quick look through the peep hole. It was some women dressed in a business suit. She had ivory brown hair wrapped up in a bun and hazel eyes. She wore a light red lipstick on her lips and a pair of glasses that didn't take away from her beauty. Sighing I opened the door and look straight into her eyes.

"Can I help you, miss?" I questioned in a horse and cracked voice causing her gaze to soften a bit. She nodded before shaking my hand.

"My name is Sakura Saiyuki (I just couldn't resist!) and I am Hiei Minamino's interne. I am here on the behalf of Hiei filing for a divorcé and a lawsuit against you for the right to who is to own the home and belongings within the home besides your personal belongings." Ms. Saiyuki said causing me to stare in disbelief. Hiei…. Why are you filing a lawsuit? Where am I to live if you win this lawsuit? Do you not care about my safety and health?

"Please, come in Ms. Saiyuki." I said before side stepping allowing her access into the household. She stepped in and took a look around, admiring the beauty of the home. I lead her into the dinning room before leaving to start a batch of tea. As I place the kettle on the stove I walked back into the dinning room and took a seat beside her.

"Alright, shall we get down to business Mr. Minamino?" she stated. I nodded my head slightly, telling her that I was ready which I was most certainly not. I was terrified to tell the truth. This nightmare that I had been living in was all reality and the divorce is really going to happen. Why, Hiei? Couldn't we talk this over? There has to be a better way then this.

"Now then, I was told that you are well aware of the situation at hand, am I correct?" Ms. Saiyuki said before looking at me. I nodded again before she handed me a packet of paper. I gulped before quickly scanning the first page then looked up to her for her to continue. She did, "Within the packet is what is to be done when filing a divorce. First, you must sign the appropriate lines that say husband and then within some time you and Hiei shall appear in court about your lawsuit. The winner shall move into the house within on week pier to the lawsuit and all personal belonging must be gone within the deadline. If you are to lose the lawsuit, you are not to take anything that isn't a personal belonging unless you have discussed it with Hiei or me. Now then, I suggest you read over the….." Ms. Saiyuki stopped in the middle of her sentence before looking at me with her softened hazel eyes that held pity. Tears of hatred, confusion, and pain trailed down my pale cheeks. She sat strait for a minuet before leaning over to me and taking my hand in her own. I snapped my head up to face her with a glare fixed in my eyes. She seemed unfazed by the death glare for she reached up to wipe away my tears. I slapped her hand away and yanked my other free from her grasp. She looked at me in bewilderment before she heaved a sigh and looked back at me with sadness.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Ms. Saiyuki? I thought you came here on the behalf of my koi, Hiei?! I let down my guard and let a few tears run free and you try to suck up to me? You disgust me! Who the hell said you could fucking touch me!" I lament as I stood knocking over my chair as I did. Sakura just stared at me before diverting her eyes to the floor in shame. As she was about to say something the kettle on the stove let out a high pitched whistle. Not saying anything, I left to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of hot steaming tea. As I returned a few minuets later, Ms. Saiyuki had barely moved an inch. Sighing, I sat down once more and placed a tea cup in front of her.

"Please, Mr. Minamino, forgive my exasperating behavior for I did not mean anything by it. I was simply trying to comfort you in your time of need. I shall keep my hands to myself. I am truly sorry Shuichi." Sakura stated as she still faced away from me, her shamed filled hazel eyes looking hard at the floor. I grumbled something in response and took a sip of my tea.

"Shall we finish, Mr. Minamino? I do believe you have better things to do than hear my rambling about a touchy subject. So, if you shall sign on the dotted line at the bottom of page four, then we shall be done for the time being." Ms. Saiyuki said as she handed the packet and a pen back to me. I nodded slightly as I flipped through the pages until I reached the line. Tears once again welled up in my dulled lifeless eyes as I read over Hiei's signature. Quickly, I signed the paper and gave the pen and packet back to her. She nodded before opening her briefcase and sticking the two items inside. Closing it, she sat there for a moment watching me like a hawk; as if afraid to leave for fear that I might do something rational. Standing, she held out her hand once more. Noticing I wasn't going to give her a farewell shake she sighed before leaving. As the front door closed I allowed a sob that was forced down to erupt the silence. All I could think of was my darling Hiei in another's arms, happy and content….. without me.

I stand from my chair as I felt the rage of being alone build within me. I was losing my sanity and there was nothing I could do. I was losing my world; my everything that seemed important to me and there isn't a god damn thing I can do about it. I grabbed the tea cup and threw it into the wall just off to my left. Shards of the once Liberty Blue china fell to the wooden oak floor as the tea stained the wall paper. Growling in an dangerous voice, I walked over the shards and began to pick them up. A hiss of slight pain came forth from my mouth as a large shard cut deep into my palm. Crimson blood ran from my hand and slowly glided down my arm before dripping to the floor at my elbow. All I could do was stare at the blood, memorized by its beauty. The internal pain that I had been feeling seemed to flow away as the blood gushed from the cut. It got me thinking; what if I just ended it now? I wouldn't feel anymore pain and suffering that I am going through now. I wouldn't be able to hurt anymore of the people I once loved and still do even though they seem to think differently. Pulling the shard from my hand I stared at it, allowing the warm blood to dripped to the floor; staining it with all its glory. I pulled back my sleeve and without thinking, cut my arm deep enough to feel pain and to draw a lot of blood. I smiled slightly as the blood continued to flow out of my; draining me of my life and my pain. I felt so free at the moment; so free…… so very free.

(Hiei's POV)

_**Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right**_

_**Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong**_

I could hear my sister calling out to me but I didn't answer nor care to see what she wanted. I was too deep in thought to really care what she or anybody else wanted. Thoughts of Kurama plagued my mind causing me to wince in memory of the beatings I endured while married to him. A large sigh escaped my lips as I thought about my last thought. Kurama and I are no longer married and from what Sakura told me and Yukina, Kurama was devastated. She told me that he broke down right in front of her and allowed the pain that had been building up within him to roll down his paling cheeks in the form of salty tears. I had never seen Kurama cry since as long as I can remember. Just knowing that Kurama was heartbroken over the whole thing made me feel even worse than before.

No! Why should I care what that asshole thinks about the divorce? He was the one who was asking for it! He was the one who continuiouly beat me on a daily bases and raped me; no matter how many times I asked him to stop he still did it. Yet, even though I despise him for what he did to me I still can't help but love him. I admitted it; I am still head over heels for Kurama even though he treated my like shit. I had told my sister about this and she said it was normal since I was his mate and I am pregnant with his child. The child….. I don't know how I am going to make it on my own with Kurama. There is no way in hell I will be able to feed it all the youkai it needs to survive while still within me. I need more youkai; I need the child's father's youkai. Just the thought of losing this baby makes my heart wrench and rip in two. The inexpressible feeling won't leave me alone and shall continue to plague until the baby is born, which will be in four months thanks to my heritage.

"Hiei! Hiei, are you in there?" called Yukina as she knocked on my door twice before awaiting my reply. Standing I turn on the lights and walked over to my bedroom door. Unlocking it, I opened the door just a crack and peer out to stare at the worried eyes of my sister. She heaved a sigh of relief before asking permission to enter my room. Nodding I opened the door wider and allowed her to stepped into the lowly lit room. She walked over to my futon and sat down while I closed and locked my door before joining her. As I sat down, Yukina wrapped her arms around me and squeezed my softly.

"Is everything alright nii-san? You seem some what distant; do you care to talk about it?" Yukina spoke in an almost whisper voice as she unwrapped her arms from my shoulders and turned me slightly in my seat to face her. Her crimson eyes were slightly glazed over with fresh tears that the young maiden refused to allow free. I sighed and shook my head; my own crimson eyes gathering salty liquid tears. A tear rolled down Yukina's ivory skin before crystallizing into a small turquoise tear gem.

"I…. I don't know what to say to you? I don't know how to help you if you don't open up to me, brother." Yukina protested as her voice wavered with heartbreak. I knew she wanted so badly to help me through this tough time but I can not allow her to become part of this fucked up world.

"I can not allow it, Yukina. I am sorry but I can't bring you into this mess I have created from my self and my baby. The only thing you can do is to give me a ride over to Kurama's house. I have to talk to him about something important." I whispered to my sister before standing and stretching my sore muscles. She nodded before standing and following me out of the room and down the stairs to the front door. As we climbed into the small car I couldn't help but think on what the hell I was thinking but as the car reached the main road all thoughts of turning back went out the window. The car ride was long and silent with great tension in the air; preventing me to talk to my sister about anything. As I stare out the window I go back to thinking about Kurama once more. I wonder how well he is faring with the arrangement.

(Kurama's POV)

The sound of chimes from the doorbell brought me back to reality; the truth that I no longer had anything worth living for and nothing to back to. As I pulled my self from the couch to stand, unspeakable pain laced through my body causing me to groan out in displeasure. Slowly I made my way through the living room, down the hall, across the parlor, and into the main hallway just in time when the doorbell rang for the second time. The sweet melody bounced off the walls and echoed throughout the house, must to my dismay. Opening the door, my eyes grew twice the size to find my ex-mate standing before my door with Yukina in hot pursuit. He looked at me and smiled slightly but unfortunately I could not return a smile to him. Instead I forced my self to harden my gaze into a glare and stared straight into my lover's soul.

"What the hell do you want, Hiei? Have you come here to brag about not being married anymore or have you come to inspect the house before you steal it away from me?" I forced my self to hiss put with fake anger dripping from every word. Only about 2 of the anger was not faked but real. Hiei glared at me with hatred before shoving me to the side and allowed him self and Yukina to just walk right on in; back into my life only this time not in a good way.

"No! I came here to know how you were holding up and I had a question! Is that wrong of me?" questioned my darling koi with disapprobation lingering in the words. Grunting something in response I shut the door and sulked off to the parlor and took a seat in one of the Victorian 17th century style chairs. Hiei sat across from me while Yukina took a seat beside him; her face fixed in hatred, sadness, and wishful ness which is a very strange combination.

"Considering how you just divorced me and filed a lawsuit while you were at it, I say yes; that is wrong of you. Since you feel that it is alright to put me out my house and onto the street, I don't know what to think of you anymore. I use to think of you as my little tenshi but now…. I think of you as a little prick." I said with false statement, I did think Hiei was a tenshi and I still do today, even though he has hurt me greatly. I don't think my heart will ever be fixed from the shattered state it is in. I watched Hiei's eyes widened in shock but the narrowed as if he were a predator about to attack the prey. He snarled at me before he stood in anger.

"You never thought of me as your little angel! You only thought of my as your worthless little fuck toy that was only there to serve you and you alone! I never had any happiness with you! You're nothing but bad memories that have plagued my mind since I left! I don't why I can't get over you…… You hurt me so badly…… I don't think I'll ever be able to love again thanks to you!" wailed Hiei as Yukina tried to get him to calm down, constantly reminding him of the child he was caring. I looked away for fear of him seeing how much that hurt me. No! I never thought of him as a mere pleasure toy…. He was always so much more to me than that. I loved him and I can only hope that he loved me.

"You lie! I never thought of you as a sex toy, it was all in your mind! I loved you even though I never showed it that much and if you were nothing but a mere toy then I wouldn't have allowed to live or breath anywhere near me! I wouldn't have even allowed you to love me the way I thought you did. Go ahead and think that you were nothing but to me you were everything good in my world. Now that you want nothing to do with me along with my friends and family, I have nothing more to live for. Thanks to you, I am once again for the umpteenth time in my life a nothing. I hope you're proud of yourself, Hiei, I really hope you are." I shrieked out before the words began to die down in volume to mere whispers of what my heart truly meant and felt. Hiei and Yukina both stared at me like I was some kind of alien or something strange. I diverted my shimmering eyes to the floor as a few tears managed to escape my eyes.

Hiei walked over to me and gentle lifted my eyes to meet his crimson pools of extinguishing fire; fire that was slowly going disappearing from the sight destroying the beauty that they once held. His eyes were full with distrust and confusion clearly etched in the along with other foreign emotions that I have rarely seen in his eyes when he was looking at me. I wonder what my little tenshi could be thinking as of right now. Hiei roughly let go of my chin before snarling dangerously.

"You lie, Kurama, you lie! I can see it in your eyes that I mean nothing to you. You may shed tears but underneath it all I am truly nothing to you and your world of pain and suffering. I am nothing; I am nothing. I know it and so does everybody else. I hate you, Kurama, I truly dearly hate you!" sneered Hiei before walking back over to Yukina and once more taking a seat.

I chocked on an arising sob as Hiei looked around the room before whispering something to Yukina. He was probably already taking inventory of what is to be left behind and what he was in the near future going to do with the place. My heart felt as if Hiei and taken my shattered heart and stuck it in a blender, turning it into unfixable pieces of torturing pain. Diverting my broken gaze to the floor, I suddenly became more entranced in the flooring than in Hiei's pools of fire that were ignited with disgruntlement and abhor. I couldn't stand to look into those tormented eyes another minute. Sometimes I wonder if those once beautiful eyes will ever shine with the happiness that I was once blessed to see. I have hurt Hiei so much and there is nothing I can say to make him change his mind. There is nothing I can do to make him love me like he used to do.

Sighing with much agony, I stood from the comfortable chair and left the room only to have Yukina and Hiei follow me. Why did they insist to follow me and see how much they have hurt me in ways no else could. I feel so trapped in my own house that was soon to be home to my koi and my child that I will most likely never meet; the child that has brought me oh so closer to wanting death; the child that will forever burden because I couldn't be there to love it and its mother; my dear, dear koi. As I reached my destination I turned to face the two following me. Sighing once more I allowed a small smile grace my lips before I forced it away with a frown.

"You may believe what you like Hiei and I will not stop you from hating me. You may live in the world you created and push me away like I did you and I shall not mind. You're right, my love, I am a cold-hearted bastard that doesn't deserve anything but death. I am and always will be in love with you no matter how much you say you hate, no matter how much you wish I were dead, and no matter what you do to me. I will never stop loving you and I only want what is best for you, so I will not stand in the way of your happiness any longer. Hiei, love, there is no need to go to court to argue over who is going to get to live within the safety of these walls for I am giving up this house to you and Yukina. You may do what ever it is you like with it. I only ask that you give me a week to move out and find a place to live. Agreed?" I stated with sincere causing Hiei and Yukina to go I the state of shock. I slowly reached out my hand to shake on the deal and Hiei looked at my hand as if it were a deadly weapon at first but slowly and gradually reached forward.

"Agreed." Hiei said as he shook my hand lightly before I nodded and forced a smile on to my face to ease any worries that might have had. I turned and walked into my bedroom before closing the door behind me and finally allowed the painful tears that I have held back free. I slid down to the cold oak stained flooring with a hand clasped over my mouth, covering the heart-wrenching sobs that were to sure alert Hiei and his sister. I couldn't take it; the pain was too much and there is no way to escape it. I am bound to these chains of torment and am never to break free of their grasp on me. Crawling over to the king sized bed, I pulled my self up on it and laid there crying my pain away; numbing my self so the pain would dull for at least a few hours.

A soft knock came from my door before it opened quietly and shut with a soft click. Footsteps came from behind me and stopped as it reached the end of the bed. The weight of the bed shifted as the figure sat at the edge of the bed. I felt a hand lightly set its self onto my shoulder before slowly turning me to face them. I laid there staring at Hiei who smiled slightly before he lay down beside me. I turned onto my side and stroked the side of his face. This was like a dream that would soon end with him leaving my side and my life forever to one day find a new mate.

(Hiei's POV)

_**Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep**_

_**I'm barely hanging on**_

Kurama….. why? Why do you look so vulnerable right now? Why are you crying and why do you mourn the loss of me? Why do you want me to love you again? Am I really that important to you that you would give up everything just to see me happy again? No, you lie Kurama, you never loved me. I am nothing more than a fucking sex slave, nothing more than to give you pleasure while I rot away in my own personal hell. Then again, why are you crying and punishing yourself because of me? Why do you say you love me when I already said I hate you? What is going throw your head right now, koi? Are you contemplating freedom? Are you wishing that all the pain that is buried behind those faded emerald eyes would just disappear? I want you to feel the pain; the ache that will take years to cease. I want you to hurt and feel what I have felt since you first beat me.

Yet, if I want you to hurt so badly and to rot in hell then why do I still love you more than life. Why do I still want to feel your arms around me, holding my tight at night? I'm so scarred Kurama, I am terrified on what may become of me; of you; of us. I only wanted you to know what you were putting me through and you never did pay attention to me. I need you in order to keep this baby alive and I don't know what to do.

"Kurama….. I need a favor." I whispered and caused Kurama to stop stroking my cheeks before turning his full attention to me. I looked into his eyes and saw a small light of hope burning through all the pain and anguish.

"The baby….. I on my own can't keep it alive. You know that, I know that and so does Yukina and that is what my favor is about. I know that we aren't on the best of terms and I really would like you to at least see your baby before you leave….. I was wondering if….. maybe you would…… I don't know……. Stay with me here until the baby is ready for birth. I know that it will hurt you; knowing that you're so close to me but still so far and I know it won't be easy but….. I am willing to give it a try for the baby. Please Kurama, can you grant me this on favor and then I'll never bother you again. Please, Kurama, please…." I question and waited for the answer. Kurama looked so shocked before shaking away the shock and the small flame of hope grew slightly. He nodded his head eagerly before scooping me up in his arms and giving me a tight and welcomed hug. I hugged back slightly before he let go of me and laid on his back facing the ceiling with his arms folded under his head. He looked so happy and content at the moment that I didn't want to think about the divorce that had been taken care of and the lawsuit that was over since I was getting the house. I feel bad about doing this to him but it's the only thing left I could do, that or suicide and I was not about to kill my self. I can only wonder what's in store for us. As I drift off into a restful sleep, I feel two arms wrap around my waist and pull my close to the body behind me. I fall into darkness with a small smile dancing on my soft lips.

To be continued……..

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**SingMyLullabySweet666: **Well, I'm going to make this chapter a two part or something. I'm not really sure at the moment.

**Heero: **Will you just hurry up with the next chapter then.

**SingMyLullabySweet666: **Well excuse me Mr. Sourpuss! Maybe I wanted to take a break and plus, this story is Eleven pages long and I really want to rest my poor fingers!

**Heero:** whatever

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Anyway, I will update soon! At least I hope its soon.

**Kurama:** ……

**SingMyLullabySweet666: **Well I have a question to ask. I need help in finding a name for the baby. If you want the name of the baby to be in the chapter of its birth then you can review your suggestion. I need a first and middle name for both male and female. So an example would be:

Female

Sakura Saiyuki…….

Well something like that. I don't care when you send in the names because it'll take forever to get to the baby-come-into-the-world-scene. The last name of the baby will be inherited by the father, of course. So the babies name will be blankity blankity Minamino.

**Heero:** You're a writer and you can't even come up will some names?

**SingMyLullabySwett666:** You're such a meanie! Anyway, this is a contest so the person with the best name(s) will have the name put into the story. Not much of a prize but hey, it works.** PLEASE I'M DESPRATE FOR SOME NAMES! YOU CAN SEND IN MORE THAN TWO IF YOU WANT! I DON'T CARE HOW MANY YOU SEND IN! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Kurama:** The song is called **_Behind These Hazel Eyes_** by **_Kelly Clarkson_**. Only the first verse is in the chapter but it will be continued in other chapters.

**SingMyLullabySweet666: **R&R Please! Bye-Bye!


	6. Resurrecting Old Love

SingMyLullabySweet666: Alright people! Here is Chapter 6! YAY!

Herro: Took you long enough.

SingMyLullabySweet666: Sorry but I have been so busy for the past month(s), whatever.

Duo: A likely excuse.

SingMyLullabySweet666: Do like it the fuck of you pathetic asshole!

The others: ……

SingMyLullabySweet666: Sorry 'bout that, my other side, Blood, is a little edgy today.

Herro: whatever

Duo: On with the story already.

SingMyLullabySweet666: All righty then!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. I do however own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I don't know it/their name(s).

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(Kurama's POV)

I don't know what to do anymore. This whole thing is tearing me apart and I don't think I can hold on anymore. It's so hard to be close to the one you love but still so far away. As I lay here next to you I wonder what you're thinking of, what you're dreaming of. Is it me or is it you and the baby without me anywhere near in the picture. I love the chance you gave me, I really do but I can't help but feel lost and lonely. Nothing I can do will make you change your mind. I can only sit within my world that I had created for me and watch you go on by living and breathing. I can only watch from the painted window within my mind as you continue on with life as if nothing happened; as if I never existed in you life. It hurts and I wonder if this is what you felt when you would have to put up with the things, the hurt; the pain I caused you.

Right now as I lie awake I wonder what are you exactly picturing in that pretty little head of yours as you sleep away the hours. Turning over, I gently push a stray bang out of your child-like feature face. I couldn't help the small smile that came to me mouth as you mumbled into the night and tried to cuddle closer to me. Now looking back at me, I see that I never got it right. I never really stopped to think about you and how I was affecting you with my coldness. I was always wrapped up in things I could never in a million years win. You were always the antidote that got me by when I wasn't thinking and felt so down; you were something strong like a drug that kept me high and going. Now all I want you to know was I really meant back then when I would yell at you for my mistakes was I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold. I wish I knew now what I didn't know then so that this whole situation never happened. Please Hiei; forgive me and the wrongs I have committed against you.

Sighing, I pull myself free from your grasp and sit up in the large king sized bed. I can't sleep and I know I won't get to sleep anytime soon so I might as well get up. Looking over at you now I allow a shaking sigh to escape my somewhat parted lips as my vision began to blur and it hurt to keep my eyes open. Pushing back the arising sob and tears, I climbed out of bed and slowly padded down the dark lifeless hall. I flinched whenever the stairs or hardwood flooring squeaked or made a groan of protest as my weight went across them. As I reached the kitchen, I began to rack at my mind as to why I had to go and change. What force caused me to hurt the only one that was ale to get so close to me? What drove me to abuse you so bad that you filed a divorce against me as well as and unsuspecting lawsuit. Once again, the tear fogged my vision and a sob cut off my oxygen supply. Hiei…..

_**Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep**_

_**I'm barely hanging on**_

(Hiei's POV)

_I screamed and raced down the hall as the person behind me closed in on me. His laughing was echoing throughout the house, bouncing off the walls. My feet slipped out from under me and I fell to the floor as Kurama leered over my helpless figure. Shaking with fear and betrayal I stood and faced the man that I had once loved but now hated more than anything. _

_"Why are you doing this?" I screamed at Hiei as Kurama chuckled darkly. He only lifted his fist and slammed it against my cheek but I held my ground. The bruise on my cheek was beginning throb and it felt like Kurama broke my jaw. _

_"Because you have that pathetic child living in you and there is no way I am going to allow you to give birth to something so disgraceful." sneered the redhead as he grabbed me around the next cutting of my air supply before throwing me into the wall next to us. _

_"I thought you wanted this baby just as much as I do." I cried out as I pulled my aching frame from the floor and once again stared Kurama right in the eyes._

_"I told you, the thing is damned, a fucking disgrace!" Kurama screeched as he lifted his fist and delivered a mind blowing punch to my midsection. My eyes bulged slightly and I let out an ear piercing scream. _

I awoke with a start and quickly looked around the room only to find it empty. Raising a hand, I pushed back a few banks from my face as I drew in a shaky breath to try and calm my nerves. I kept telling myself that it was only a nightmare and that it would never in a million years happen but something told me that I should also be very careful around the redhead. Speaking of the devil, I glanced at the empty spot to the left of me. Kurama must be downstairs for I can hear someone in the kitchen. Standing, I felt a sudden spell of dizziness hit my causing me to almost lose my footing. Balancing myself, I walked down the hallway and down the stairs before stopping at the end of them and pausing. I swear I can hear someone crying. Slowly with great caution, I entered the kitchen to find Kurama's back to me; his shoulders were shaking with what appeared to be sobs. I knew I should try and comfort him but I couldn't help but smirk at the pain he was in. Walking slightingly behind him, I placed my hand gently on his shoulders and pulled back when he tensed up and pulled away slightly.

"Kurama, what's wrong?" I asked but only received a sob as an answer before Kurama stood from the stool he was sitting on. I backed away in fear as Kurama turned but I paused at the sudden look of pure sadness and hatred in his dull emerald green eyes. I gulped and looked away from the piercing stare; I couldn't handle that look of pain in his eyes.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to frighten you, Hiei." Kurama said before walking over to the cabinet and opened it to get out a small coffee mug. Walking over to the sink, he turned on the faucet and filled the mug up with water before gulping it all down.

"You didn't frighten me, Kurama; I was just taken by surprise." I lied as Kurama turned to face me with that pained expression causing a shiver to run up my spine. Oh how many times hand I looked in the mirror and saw that same expression in my eyes after Kurama beat me.

"Don't lie to me Hiei. I know you." Kurama said in a slight shaky voice that didn't sound like the Kurama I once knew. I shivered and looked away from those dulling emerald eyes. I slightly asked myself how one can be so cruel and ugly on the inside but look so innocent and beautiful on the outside. An emotion passed through Kurama's eyes before it disappeared as of it was never there. _'How many times have I done that before?' _I questioned myself in my mind before I looked back into those eyes that help such pain, anger, self hate, longing, and so many more emotions I can't place my finger on at the moment. "I don't like it when you lie to me, Hiei, and I want you to be open with me until the baby is born so you don't have a miscarriage because of the stress of keeping your emotions hidden from me." Kurama continued before looking out the window as a streak of lightening flashed through the skies and thunder raddled the house with such force.

"Like you would care? How dare you tell me not to lock away my emotions when you did that since we got married! How fucking cold hearted can you get, fox? I'm more afraid of you trying to kill me and the baby then me bottling up my emotions! You fucking bastard!" I screamed out and saw the flinch Kurama made by my accusation.

"Do really think I would want you dead or my child; our child for that matter too? Do really think I am that heartless?" Kurama asked in an audible whisper but just loud enough for me to hear.

"Yes, quit frankly I do! You haven't given me any other reason to believe not to." I snapped back and once again Kurama flinch but did nothing more. An uneasy silence overtook the room and I shifted uncomfortably from side to side as I waited for an answer but none was given. Kurama stood from his seat and walked over to me before stopping right in front of me and he raised his hand in front of my face before lightly tracing it over my right cheek. Expecting to be slap I flinched away from him slightly before I looked deep into his eyes searching for an answer to his action there was none. Forcing my muscles to relax I tried not push you away as you cupped my face between your surprisingly soft hands. As you leaned forward I could feel my heart pound painfully within my chest but as your rose petal soft lips connected with me cheek and then my own lips, I could feel my heart actually skip a few beats causing a painfully aftershock. As you pulled away I could feel a small part of me wanting to yell at, to smack you and walk away; to beat you until there was nothing left but an even bigger part wanted you to kiss me again but this time harder…. and it scared me half to death.

**_Here I am, once again_**

**_I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend_**

(Normal POV)

"Kurama…." Hiei whispered as breathe caught in his throat and for the first time in a while became speechless in front Kurama and allowed him to intimate him for the shortest moment. Kurama smiled slightly but though it was sad his eyes sparkled with silent laughter. Letting go, he walked away and turned back to the counter and put his glass in the sink before brushing softly passed Hiei and down the darkened hallway and up the stairs into their room. Hiei was left in the kitchen wondering what was happening.

"Am I falling for him again? I know I love him but…." Hiei said before turning off the light and following the invisible footsteps into their bedroom. Staring at the back of his ex-lover Hiei began to ponder on what was really happening. _I must not brake down and tell him that I want him again. I don't think neither of us could handle that at the moment. _Hiei sighed and absent mindedly placed a hand over his slightly swollen abdomen before climbing into the bed after Kurama. Settling down, Hiei closed his eyes and waited for the never ending void of dreams overtake him but before it could he felt an arm wrap around his waist and pull him closer to the one behind him.

"Kurama, what are you doing?" questioned the slightly puzzled youth before pulling away and sitting up. Kurama sat up as well before shaking his head and looking into Hiei's fiery pools.

"Arrepentido, Hiei. I couldn't help myself. Didn't mean to scare you, I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise." Kurama said with a hint of hurt in his tone. Hiei briefly nodded before lying back down and stared up at the ceiling as Kurama settled beside him.

"Oi, Kurama!" Hiei whispered causing Kurama to roll over and prop his head up on his hands before looking Hiei straight in the eyes. Hiei continued, "I don't mind you holding me. I was just curious as to what you were doing. Anyways, good night."

Kurama nodded before scoping Hiei into his arms and snuggled closer. He could feel to tense muscles but after three minuets, the muscles loosened and soon after relaxed all together. As Kurama began to fade off once again into the dark void of nightmares, he gentle moved his hands down to Hiei's abdomen and rested it there opened palm. Just as sleep overtook him he felt Hiei place his hand over Kurama's. Finally, the duo fell into a dreamless sleep, one with nightmares of the pain and the other of giving the pain.

Dawn

Hiei lazily blinked his eyes opened only to force them shut as the bright morning sun peered through the window. Groaning in protest, Hiei rubbed away the sleep before sitting up in the large king sized bed before looking to his left. There was no sign of Kurama and Hiei was silently disappointed and slightly relieved. _Wonder where he could be right now. _Hiei looked at the bedside table to the alarm clock that had bright neon green numbers which he could hardly make out through the annoying glare. Sighing in aggravation, Hiei stood from the bed and made his way into the bathroom. As the door opened it connected with a solid figure before a loud thud was heard followed by a string of profound curses. Hiei flinch mentally at not only his stupidity put at the colorful curses from the mouth of 'Creeper'. Opening the door wider, Hiei tried his best not to smile at the scene before him. Kurama laid sprawled out on the floor with the hair brush tangled in his flaming red locks and toothpaste dripping down his hand from being squeezed to hard.

"Shimatta! Oi, Hiei could you please knock next time. I would kind of like to live to see my child's birth at least." Kurama said in a mocking voice but amusement danced in those orbs of emerald. Hiei smiled and nodded before reaching down and grasping Kurama's free hand before pulling him to his feet. Reaching up, Hiei began to untangle the brush before walking over to the trash can a cleaning off some of the pulled locks. Kurama thanked him before washing his hands of the sticking substance known as toothpaste before drying his hands off on the towel wrapped around his waist.

"Kurama?" questioned the shorter demon as he made his way over to the closet and walked in over sized pantry. Looking through the cloths, Hiei turned to find the so called creature leaning against the door looking at him in a seductive manner. A blush slowly crept to the child-like features before he turned around and proceeded to pick out an outfit for the day.

"What is it, Hiei?" came the answer as Kurama walked in the closet behind Hiei as he also looked for something to wear. Picking out a fishnet under shirt and a dark, dark crimson tank-top Kurama walked up behind Hiei and looked over his shoulder. Hiei tipped his head back slightly before rolling his eyes.

"What do you have planned today?" Hiei asked before picking out a black tank-top and a loose fitting pair of midnight black demi jeans. Turning around, Hiei looked up at his taller demon friend before moving to the side and grabbing a random belt and then proceeded to exit the closet followed by the said red head. Kurama's eyes looked thoughtful before the red head shrugged his tanned, well muscled shoulders. Kurama walked over to the dresser in the middle of the two windows before opening a drawer and pulling out a pair of black pair of tight leather pants. Pushing the drawer closed he pulled out another one and reached in before pulling out a back belt. After closing the drawer, Kurama walked over to the bed before throwing his cloths on it and then looked over at Hiei who was topless.

"What would you like to do today?" questioned Hiei as he turned around just as Kurama dropped the dark green towel form his waist. A smirk set on Kurama's lips before he grabbed his pants and pulled them on his slim form. Hiei rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed to sit as well as put on some socks all the while he pulled on his tank-top. Kurama sat next to him as he pulled on the fishnet under shirt before the tank-top.

"Whatever….." was all Kurama said. Hiei sighed and looked up and the red head only to quickly look away from that intensity stare that Kurama was giving him. A dance of laughter, spark of happiness were in those brightening eyes but the jab of pain, stab of loneliness, and once of hurt were still there causing a shiver to run up his spine unwontedly. Standing, Hiei walked out of the room and down the stairs leaving Kurama alone with his thoughts.

(Hiei)

I can't take that stare anymore! How long will he be giving it to me? What does he want and why is he hurting? What did I do to earn such a stare from the one that caused him all the pain and suffering that he had to go through? Kurama….. What is wrong with you? You're not acting as the cold, apathetic, distant self that I once knew but you are back to the man I fell in love with. Is this some kind of trick; some kind of game you are playing? God damn it, Kurama! I can't take it anymore! What is it that you want from me? Are you trying to tell me that you're changing or is this a head game to get me back in your grasp? Yes! That's it! You only want me back in your grasp so you can hurt me again and to control me like you use to do. You're trying to play with my head on purpose to make me think you changed but I'm not falling for it again. I refuse to be controlled and manipulated once more. NO! No more! I won't let you brake me again; not after all the courage I built up to save myself from you.

(Kurama)

Hiei, do you really believe that I am the man that you devoiced? I'm not; I changed because I now realize my mistake and I am trying to fix it but you're making this very difficult. I can't do anything when you don't trust me. Why? Why did I have to be such a jackass and hurt you the way I did. Do you feel what I feel inside? Please, Hiei, don't you dare hide yourself in this time of need. Let me show that I have changed and I'll never go back to what I once was… that so called 'Creeper'. God please! Don't leave me Hiei! I love you with all my heart and I'd die a thousand times more if I have to, to prove my loyalty to you. Don't…. Don't you wish we tried? Just tell me what I need to know. Don't let your anger grow. Please talk to me, don't close the door. Hiei…. I love you so much. Because I want to hear you, I want to be near you. Don't turn me away. Don't give up on trust. Don't give on me; on us. If we could just hold on long enough we can get through this. Please just let me love you. I promise to never hurt you! I swear on my mother's life, on my life! I swear…. Please, Hiei.

(Normal POV)

Hiei watched the sky through the kitchen window when he heard footsteps from behind. Tensing slightly, Hiei turned to look into a pair of lifeless orbs that were flowing with tears. Hiei's breathe caught in his throat as he looked deep into the fox's soul. All his pain and sorrow hit him like a ton of bricks yet he still refused to move his feet. Kurama slowly walked towards him with the smallest of baby steps. Once in front of Hiei, Kurama fell into the small frame. Hiei was pushed to the door by the surprising move but soon regained his composer as Kurama's body shook with harsh sobs. Slowly encircling Kurama within his arms, Hiei sat them both on the ground and allowed Kurama to cry the day away. This was something new to him but he did it for the sake of his safety and for Kurama's mental and emotional health.

"Kurama, what's wrong?" asked Hiei as he shifted the red head in his arms to a more suitable position. Kurama looked up to Hiei with his sorrow eyes and cried harder. The tears began to come faster and faster and the sobs took away the very breathe that Kurama survived on. He hugged Hiei tighter in the embrace before burying his head into the junction between the shoulder and shoulder blade.

"I'm sorry….. So, so sorry! I… I never meant to hurt you the way I did. I'm sorry, I'm sorry….. So, so sorry." Kurama repeated over and over again as he once more took the smaller demon by surprise. Hiei held onto Kurama tighter, tears of his own streaming from the crimson eyes that he possessed.

After about an hour later the sobs weakened and the tears stopped but the sniffling continued longer for about another thirty-five and a half minutes before Kurama slowly pushed himself from Hiei's embrace. Looking away from the gaze that bore into him, Kurama pushed himself from his position on the floor before looking down at his ex-lover. Smiling weakly, Hiei stood as well.

"Do you feel better?" asked Hiei as he stretched out his aching muscles. Kurama said nothing nor did he do anything. Hiei, who was slightly, confused at this point, placed a hand on the others shoulder. Nothing happened for a minute before Kurama turned and walked out the room without as much as a 'thank you' or a glance back. Hiei mumbled something under his breathe before following the over stressed fox into the kitchen. Kurama stood and the contour staring into nothing; all most as if he was not there mentally but physically.

"Kurama, I demand and explanation about what just happened back there. I am entitled to know why you spent two hours crying on my shoulder." Hiei said but nothing was said from the mute red head that refused to even acknowledge that the fire demon was behind him. Hiei growled with impatience before forcefully turning the taller male around to face him. Those same lifeless eyes bore into him once again. "Answer me, god damn it!" Hiei shouted at the distressed male before shaking him roughly. Kurama did nothing.

_**Just thought you were the one **_

_**Broken up, deep inside**_

Hiei shouted in rage before slapping the demon and stomping out of the kitchen and up the stair into their bedroom. He slammed the door shut before sliding down it in confusion and frustration.

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SingMyLullabySweet666: That's all for now. 


	7. You Won't Get To See The Tears I Cry

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I know, I know; it's been a long time since I last updated but come on! Give me a break people! I do have school as well as homework and projects and now I have exams staring next Tuesday! Please be patient with me.

**Hiei:** All you do is complain, complain, and wine. Why don't you tell them something useful?

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Alright, I made straight A's on my last repot card!

**Hiei:** Dumbass! That wasn't useful!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, what else am I suppose to say?

**Hiei:** Anything but that would have been better!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Rubber Ducky!

**Hiei:** ……

**Kurama:** _(laughing)_ That is something.

**Hiei:** That's not what I meant!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, you said anything and plus, rubber duckies are cool!

**Hiei:** _(sigh)_ Just do the damn story!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** No!

**Fans:** _(throwing staplers)_ HURRY UP!

**Hiei:** _(easily dogging staplers)_ ASSHOLES!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** _(gets knocked out by a huge stapler) _

**Kurama:** Oh, dear….

**Hiei:** Great….. _(looks at Sing)_ Look what you fuckers did!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** ………………….

**Hiei:** _(splashes water on Sing) _

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I'm up! I'm up! Now onto the story!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name.

**Warning:** Lemon and language in this chapter!

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**_But you won't get to see the tears I cry_**

**_Behind these hazel eyes_**

(Hiei's POV)

I sighed as me I sat on the floor with me knees pulled tightly to my chest. My crimson eyes had been leaking tears for a while now and I'm not really sure for how long but I know is that the man I despise and yet still love is sitting in the kitchen down stairs. I know not of what he is doing but I do know that he will never understand what I am going through but he never did really. Look at the way he beat me everyday since we basically got married but that stopped two years later. I blame myself sometimes but it never does anything to make him happier. I changed my ways for that man down stairs; that monster; the killer. So he was sent to juvy big deal, right? I mean it couldn't have been worse then what he put me through, that stupid mother fucker. I hate him and yet…. I love that man to death that it hurts so much and I don't know what to do anymore. I wish he would tell me about what happened while he was anyway but whenever I ask him he looks away and completely ignores me until I am either fed up with him or I go tried of asking.

I tried my tears before pulling me tired and warily body off the ground. As I reached my feet I almost fell instantly from the lack of blood reaching my legs as well as not using them in a while. Sighing, I walked across my bedroom and pulled the curtain open to reveal the clashing of strong wind against the trees in the backyard as well as a brutal thunderstorm raging out of control. Tree limbs were scattered about the deserted streets of the town on the outskirts of Tokyo. Huffing with annoyance at the storm for interrupting my plans, I closed the curtain once more and turned to look at myself in the mirror. My appearance was less then tolerable for my liking; so, shaking my head in disapproval, I walked out of my room and down the hall and to the first floor.

I reached the kitchen were Kurama sat, staring into oblivion with those lifeless eyes that made my heart clench in guilt and regret. I know that I am the one who caused the only person who I thought loved me, in such pain. I know that this monster deserved all the pain that fate dealt him but it still hurt when I made contact with those 'dead' eyes. Knowing that I caused this; that I was the one who left him after he had no one to turn to anymore cause tears once again to sting at the back of my. I refused to let them free in front of the demon, to allow him to see my weakness would be the end of me, this I know already. Taking a deep breathe in I held it for a brief moment before walking up behind Kurama and lying a hand gently on his shoulder, trying my best to 1) not scare him, and 2) to control my heart that was beating uncontrollably within my chest which caused me pain.

"Kurama," I whispered quietly, causing him to turn and look at me with those eyes; god not the dispassion eyes that I loathed and despised. Kurama tried to smile at me but it made him look even more miserable than he already was. I sighed before I finished my sentence, "Kurama, I'm going to take a shower and I was wondering if you would make dinner for the both of us. It's getting late and you and I both need some food in us." Kurama looked at me for a moment longer before shrugging my hand off his shoulder and standing. He turned and was completely oblivious to the world around him as well as me. Rolling my eyes, I once again climbed the stairs and went back into my bedroom. I know I should call it our bedroom but it doesn't seem right when we're no longer a couple anymore, even though we both still hold undying love for the other. Shaking my head of the thoughts that swirled in my mind, I walked over to the bed and picked up my night clothes, before crossing the room and into the master bath. I liked the master bath better than any bathroom in the house, even though the wash rooms were really nice compared to other ones I have been in. The room was a dark red that almost matched my eyes and had black marbled flooring. The sinks and counters in the room were a crème colored marble that glimmered in the light. A huge jet tube lied in the corner of the room and was made as the same material as the sink with golden handles. Off to the right of the bath was a large duo shower with a sliding glass door that of course, censored what wasn't to be seen by the other occupants in the house. Three doors lined one wall, one leading to the pantry, one to the toilet, and on to the closet. Smiling, I took another few moments to admire the bathroom before turning on the light and closing as well as locking the wooden door.

I tossed my night clothes onto the marble counter top and then crossed the floor to the tub. Reaching for the knobs, I turned on the water and fixed the settings so the water was steaming hot. I waited a minuet before adjusting the water temperature to the right degrees before plucking the over sized tub that could pass for a hot tub. Walking back over to the counter, I took a good look at my appearance in the mirror and was disgusted at how I looked. My hair was disarranged and dark circles made themselves known as they formed around my eyes; signs of sleepless and restless nights. A few wrinkles lined my forehead from worrying too much. What completely disgusted me about my appearance was that my eyes seemed to tell my whole story; they were dull and seemed almost lifeless; without a soul to occupy them. Sighing, I looked over to the tub and muttered a curse as I dashed off to turn the water off. It was a little over the limit Kurama had set but oh well, no real harm done.

I climbed into the tub with some difficulty due to the growing baby within my body but I managed to get in without hurting myself. Leaning back against the tub, I signed in content and allowed myself to relax. 'Kami, I needed this so much.' My mind told my as my body relaxed even further. I thought that if my muscles loosened even further that I would turn to mush. Chuckling to myself, I closed my eyes to allow the warmth to wash over my tired and emotional exhausted body. Then, a picture of Kurama came flashing into my eyes that caused me to sit up quickly. I growled in frustration. How could this be possible? How could I continue to see him and his haunting eyes every time I closed my eyes? I was beginning to piss me off. This was why I lost sleep at night because I always felt guilty for the fading look in my ex-lover eyes. 'It just doesn't seem fair; I mean even though he hurt me greatly, I still love him.' I shook my head of the thought. NO! I couldn't love him, he hurt me and that was all there was to it but…. I sighed in exaggeration as I finally realized my love for Kurama would never fade away like I had hoped it would to.

I leaned back and tried to relax but it wouldn't come. Instead, I could feel the wetness of tears in my eyes and I forced myself to push them away. I hated it when I got so emotional. This baby was making me experience more than my fair share. I don't I could handle this; the baby needs both its parents to survive, I have to make amends with Kurama and I had better do it soon. With that thought settled in my mind, I leaned back into the tub once more and closed my eyes.

_**Swallow me, then spit me out**_

_**For hating you, I blame myself **_

I guess I must have fell asleep because when I opened my eyes, Kurama was leaning over me with a panic look on his face. When I looked deep into his eyes I could see things I have never before within those emerald greens. I could see compassion, love, caring, panic, fright, and many more loving emotions I have longed for. I smiled at him to ease his panic and fright, this cause Kurama to sign in relief and smile. He stood up and I noticed he was only in a towel and the thought of this for some reason did not bother me as much as I thought it would have.

Kurama smiled at me before stripping and climbing in the tub behind me. I sat up and allowed him to hold me within his arms. I could feel the butterflies within my stomach as he pressed up close to me but nothing more happened to me. I thought for sure that I would have felt uncomfortable but instead I felt safe and happy, thus throwing me off guard. Kurama nuzzled my neck and placed a tender kiss there that caused me to blush and shiver from the affection ness touch. Kurama tensed and I knew that he thought he had done something wrong but to ease his panic, I snuggled back into him, seeking warmth and affection that I had been denied since two years after our marriage. I signed in complete solitary as Kurama wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Kurama….." I groaned out as he began to rub my chest ever so lightly before trailing to one of my hardening nubs before pinching it slightly. I gasped lightly and arched into the touch. This is what I wanted for the longest time, I wanted his affection. I knew I fell for him again and I know there is nothing I can do about it. I love him and that is the final answer to this riddle. I opened my eyes and lightly pushed away from Kurama causing those talented hands to stop. I turned around and met frightened and compassionate orbs of emerald green. I smiled slightly before turning to face him fully.

"Kurama, you and I need to talk. I can't put this off any longer." I said in a low hushed tone that seemed almost comparison to a whisper. I could see Kurama stiffen but he relaxed when I laced my fingers with his.

"Go on Hiei, you have my undivided attention." Kurama spoke back in the same hushed tone that I used with him. I nodded and took a deep breathe in before exhaling it back out.

Looking him dead in the eyes, I began, " Kurama, I know that things haven't gone the way we had planned it to go when we first got married but I can see now that we both are trying our best. I want you to know that I still, even after the horrible things you have done to me…. I still love you; that will never ever change. Believe me, I have tried to tell myself that the only reason why I felt this way was my baby's fault; our baby if you please. Kurama, I want to try and amend things between us and for that to happen I need you to know that I love you and I'll try my best to make you happy. Kurama, this isn't the easiest thing to do since I….. We have a baby to worry about but I am willing to try. Kurama, I want you; I need you in order to survive only if you'll have me again."

Kurama sat speechless by the whole thing I didn't know what to make of the silence. It was both unnerving and uncomfortable for me but I felt relief wash over me as Kurama allowed himself to smile. Not one of those false smiles he tried to use on me but the true smile he used to show me when we first had started 'dating' as the humans called it. Kurama nodded his head vigorously, letting me know that he was ready for the challenged ahead of us.

Kurama opened his arms and pulled me into them; into the most affection ness hug I ever had in my entire life. Not even my sister, Yukina, hugs were like this. I felt truly happy for the first time in truly long awaited years. I leaned up and planted and hungry yet passionate kiss on my reviving lover's lips. Kurama sighed before kissing back with just as much passion and lust as I. I sat up straight, not once breaking the kiss, and leaned down into the kiss causing it to become bruising but still loving. I pulled away, gasping slightly for air but dove back down only seconds later for another kiss.

I groaned out as I felt Kurama flick one of my overly sensitize nibbles that looked a little swollen. After all, I was preparing for a child that would be here in three months since my pregnancy only last for five months and I'm already on my second. Kurama released my lips only to latch onto my neck like some kind of leech. I groaned out Kurama's name and slightly began to rock up against his rising heat. Kami did this feel good after so long. I chocked on a pleasure filled sob as Kurama licked down from my neck only to roughly, but more than welcomed, suck on my nibble while rolling the other between his pointer finger and his thumb.

"Kurama, more!" I gasped out as he pushed his growing erection against my heatedly. I could only moan and gasp in pleasure as he tortured me with that skilled mouth of his. Small gasp of his name and 'Oh god' sweetly rolled of my tongue causing Kurama to suck harder. Kurama finally let go of my nibble which was bruising slightly but I really didn't care much about it. Turning us around, Kurama sat me on the counter like think that surrounded the tub before he kissed my bruised nibble lightly. Planting wet kisses down my chest, to my navel, before kissing it and then traveling down to my hard erection, Kurama smiled. I sighed as Kurama blew on my manhood lightly. Looking up at me for a moment allowed me to see within those beautiful emerald green orbs; they looked so happy; so wishful and I didn't want to break that. His eyes smiled and danced to the waters movement causing my breathe to leave me as I starred in awe at the happiness I saw in him, something I haven't seen since forever. I think I really missed his smiled. Yes, I do miss it and here it was all this time hiding behind those gorgeous eyes of his; hiding away from reality; away from the world; away from friends; away from me.

With a nod of me head I told him to continue silently and he allowed a small smile to adorn his face before closing those eyes that I loved and opened his mouth. Kurama licked the tip of my erection experimentally before he took me completely inside his wonderful and skillful mouth. I threw me head back in satisfaction and pleasure as Kurama sucked hard, just the way I liked it; hard but not to hard that it hurt. Kurama bobbed his head slowly up and down my chaff, never once breaking rhythm. I groaned out loudly as I began to rock my hips into the willing mouth, trying to bring my release closer. I wanted him; oh god, did I need Kurama, not just for the baby's health and insurance to survival but for my own wellbeing as well. Without Kurama at my side during the whole experience I would nearly die; no, I would end up driving myself mad by telling myself that it would be alright and everything was going to be okay. I hated those words; despised them with passion. I knew that there was no way I could go threw this experience without him. Kurama was needed here and here is where he will stay.

_**Seeing you, it kills me now**_

_**No, I don't cry on the outside anymore**_

_**Anymore**_

Kurama let go of my erection and kneeled before me with his head bowed as if I were some king. Reaching out with my tattooed arm, I lifted his head and stared into the eyes that were asking permission to go on which I nodded too and allowed Kurama to over to the side and grab a bottle of the baby oil that I used.

* * *

(Normal POV)

Kurama gave the bottle of oil that was sitting on the side with all the other bathing products to Hiei. His eyes smirked at Hiei as well as explaining the whole plan to him but Kurama never spoke a word. His eyes said all. Hiei chuckled before popping the cap to the baby oil and allowed him a minuet to inhale the sweet aroma from the bottled before pouring a small amount of the oil in the palm of him hand. He worked the oil onto his fingers and smirked at Kurama. Hiei slowly slid his slick hand down his body, stopping to tweak a hardened nibble. Deciding that he was done torturing him and Kurama with the little act, Hiei placed a finger at his entrance before pushing a slick finger in. Hiei breathed a mute moan and pushed the finger deeper into his willing but tight body. Kurama groaned as he watched Hiei pleasure himself before reaching for the bottle of baby oil that was left forgotten on the side of the bath tub. He squeezed a very small amount on his index finger before rubbing in slightly and sticking it at Hiei's entrance to join the other finger.

"Ready, Hiei?" came the musky and lust filled voice of Kurama as he ideally watched Hiei finger himself. Hiei nodded and that was all Kurama needed before he plunged his finger inside the tight heat to join Hiei's. Hiei let out a muffled moan as he rocked against his and Kurama's finger. After he got comfortable with two finger in him, Hiei pulled out his a little before pushing in with two fingers.

"Oh god," Hiei moaned out as he continued to push his body onto the fingers causing them to be forced deeper into the waiting body. Hiei groaned out before looking at Kurama. Hiei moan out, "Hurry Kurama, please; oh god, please. I need you… unnh…… inside… nghhn…. Fuck me!" Kurama nodded before he and Hiei pulled their fingers out of Hiei's shivering body of pleasure. Kurama began to reach for the oil once more but Hiei stopped him.

"No! No lube! Just please hurry and fuck me." Hiei moaned, thrusting his hips into the air, trying to relieve him of the building pressure in his lower abdomen. Kurama looked on for a moment before he protested.

"It will hurt you Hiei and I don't….."

"I don't give a shit what you want or if it's going to hurt! Just fuck me now gods damn it!" Hiei hissed out as he tried to glare at Kurama but it didn't come out quite right. Kurama sighed and nodded before placing himself at Hiei's entrance and with a sorrowful look in his eyes he began to push in. Hiei hissed at the slight pain he received from the intruder but thrust his hips forward against the pain to take Kurama in deeper. Kurama groaned in anticipation as he was buried completely inside of Hiei's tight heat. Hiei made small mewling noises as he let himself adjust to the chaff of his fox. When he felt he had adjusted enough, Hiei moved against Kurama, letting him know he was ready.

Kurama looked into the fire demons eyes as he pulled out only to thrust quickly into Hiei. The deep, deep crimson eyes that were clouded over with lust and almost looked black never wavered or left his forest green ones. Like Hiei, he too had eyes clouded by the need of Hiei and there was another emotion there, love. Kurama thrust quickly into Hiei body and somehow managed to hit the demons prostate every time he reentered his fire demon. Hiei moaned in pleasure as he thrust his hips forward and onto Kurama's cock that was embedded deep into his heat.

Climaxes drew nearer for both candidates as the duo moved together in fire heated passion of lust, need, and surprisingly love. Hiei moaned aloud as the friction of Kurama body against his erection and the continuously pounding of Kurama's cock against his prostate grew to be too much for the demon to handle. Hiei came with a loud moan that came close to a scream causing his inner walls to clamp down on Kurama, forcing hi to come as well.

The duo leaned against the counter behind Hiei in exhaustion and satisfaction the two had shared moments before. Hiei closed his eyes and began to think while Kurama lied his head on Hiei's shoulder and rested a bit.

* * *

(Hiei's POV)

What did we just do? Why did we do it? I'm so stupid! Why did I give in to the temptation like that, as if my body had meant nothing? Is this a sign or some kind of sick joke? Or was it, dare I say the damn blasted word that has caused me nothing but fucking trouble from the start? Should I even think of that despicable word that I hate, that damn fucking word won't seem to leave me be I peace I long for. I hate it, I hate it! I can't stand that I'm once again in this position that I have to make a decision that will either break or mend this relationship. I could say that what had happened just know was just a one time only thing and ruin the happiness that is needed in this hell hold or I can say that we should try and work things out and become a family I desire to have. God damn it! Why does life have to be so hard and fucking complicating? Damn it I give up on trying making everybody happy! I'm sick of being let down over and over again! It's so fucking irritating that I'm losing my ever loving fucking mind!

Shit! What the hell and I suppose to do? Am I supposed to just walk away and pretend that this moment of true happiness slip away into nothing for it never happened? Or do I embrace the moment as a step into fixing this relationship that even though it has cause me pain, I want so badly it hurts. I don't what to do any more and I'm sick of it. I hate this, this, this feeling of helplessness. I can't stand being weak another waking moment and it's tearing me apart. I fucking quit! I can't take the pressure that comes with this job, life, whatever the hell you want to call this fucked up world that I am to constantly remain in even though I despise it so much.

All I want to do is go home. Not here but to Makai, my real home even through there are no real memories there but only nightmare but it still is a place I rather be…. No! This…. This is why I am unhappy all of the time, I long for my home in Makai I know Kurama will never leave with me. It is not the love I want it's the home that is causing me my unhappiness.

_**Here I am, once again**_

_**I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend**_

_**Just thought you were the one**_

_**Broken up, deep inside**_

_**But you won't get to see the tears I cry**_

_**Behind these hazel eyes**_

This act that has just accrued between the both of us really meant nothing to me. It was the longing for my home that caused me to give into the loving touch of Kurama. That is what caused me to go along with the love making and not back out of it. I want my home back and I am no longer able to since the portals leading to Makai have long since closed and I am stranded here with this feeling of longing ness. I want a real home where I can feel at peace and not have to worry about exposing my secret, my dirty little secret. I hate this! I hate this! I want to go home, I just want a place to belong; a home. I just wanna go home.

_**Here I am, once again**_

_**I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend**_

_**Just thought you were the one**_

_**Broken up, deep inside**_

_**But you wont get to see the tears I cry**_

_**Behind these hazel eyes

* * *

**_

**SingMyLullabySweet666: **Well, that took me forever. I started this on the second to last week of May and I finished it at 2:12 in the morning of June 18th.

**Kurama:** You're a slow at typing.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I'm not slow; I just kept putting it off saying I'll finish it tomorrow.

**Hiei:** Lazy bum.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I know, and you are a potty mouth.

**Kurama:** _(rolls eyes)_

**Hiei:** You are the authoress.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Shut up! I'm tired so I have to say good-bye and R&R!


	8. Elastic

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, here I am updating again... Sorry it's taken so long. sigh I need to do this more often don't I? Don't answer that!

**Hiei:** I advise you to hurry and finish this chapter and quickly!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Are you threatening me?

**Hiei:** Maybe.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Fine! Maybe I will! On with the story!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name.

**Warning(s) in this chapter: **Excessive language, cutting, lemon, angst

**Hints:**

**_Bold and Italic-_** Song

**Italic-** Thoughts

**Song:** Elastic

**Artist:** Outspoken

* * *

**Elastic **

_(Hiei's POV)_

**_I stood alone, pulled a dime from my pocket and wished_**

_**Making sure it hit the bottom of the well**_

_**But fruition never came**_

_**So I am taking back my wishes, I could be wrong**_

_**But this is another reason for an angry farewell**_

_**But I'm anxious for a change now**_

_I lie in this bed that feels so cold even though there are thick comforters covering my naked body and Kurama holding me tight. I feel so cold lately. It's funny if you think about it. A demon, fire demon at that, is cold. Makes you laugh, ne? Yet, I can't help but feel as if this is all a dream and when I wake up, I'll be once more battered and broken with no say what so ever in our marriage. If this was fake, then I wish to never wake again for it seems so right to be here. In some form of fashion I can't help be angry and hateful at my mate but at the same time love him more than life itself. I don't know how to act around him anymore. I know he has changed and that he says that he only wants forgiveness but I refuse to let down my guard around him again. I so confused. Damn it! _

_Why? Damn it all the hell! Why can't I forget about my affection for the person next to me? He cause me so much pain, physically and emotionally. Mentally I had already lost it from the time he first laid a hand on me. I don't know why I hold tightly onto this extremely thin line of hope for there is none. Any day now the line will buckle under the hatred and disappear as it once had already. So why do it? Why set myself up for another heart brake? Fuck this isn't easy for me and I'm putting so much stress on myself that will cause harm to my child. I wonder sometimes if I ever had any say in my life from the time I was born till now. It seems to me that every time I turned around there was someone waiting to bark orders at me life I was some kind of dog; some kind of slave. I wonder is anyone realized what they were saying or if they just ignored me like half of the people in my life have. Confusing sometimes, ne?_

Sighing, I rolled over at stared at my lover's face. It looked peaceful and at the same time tormented by nightmares and past actions. I wouldn't know why Kurama was the one to have the nightmares for he was the one not abused. I glare in frustration before unwrapping him from my side and climbing out of bed. I really could care less if the bastard woke up. I sighed again for no reason before standing up and walking over to the dresser. I pulled out a pair of sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt. I got dressed and walked over to put on my shoes and socks. I was thankful that I was not far along in my pregnancy and could still bend down to tie my own shoes. I grabbed my pair of house keys on the night stand next to my side of the bed before walking out of the bedroom and down the hall. I went down the stairs before stopping in my tracks to look back at the room for a moment. I don't know why I did it but I just did. Walking out the front door, I took in thewintery night. It wasn't bad, I actually welcomed the night with a huge embrace.

I walked for awhile to a meaningless nowhere and somehow ended up near my sister's house. She lived there with that damn baka she wanted to be wed to. I hated the thought of it but who was I to stand in my sister's way of true love. The lights in the living room were on for some strange reason when I finally reached their house. I rang the doorbell and heard a shuffle of feat before the door opened to reveal my sister's ugly lover. He looked confused until I shoved past him and into the house.

"What are you doing here, shrimp?" came the oaf's disgusting voice that I have grown to hate in my life. I glared up at him before growling dangerously low. I then proceeded into the living room to find my sister watching some sappy love movie that I also have grown to hate while spending time here in the human world. I smiled at her as she stood to give me a warm hug before pulling away with a look of concern on her face.

"Brother, why are you here so late at night?" she questioned in her child-like voice. I sat down on the couch and sighed.

"I don't know. I left the house to take a walk and this is where I ended up coming. Strange, ne?" was my answer as I looked over at the oaf who had taken his seat on the floor again to continue the game he was playing on one of the machines again. I never was able to get the hang of them.

"So, how is everything going? I hope you two have gotten into a fight again." she questioned in concern once more. I shook my head to indicate that we did not fight.

"We came upon an agreement. Kurama and I are to stay together until the child is born and afterward we go off on our own. I do want to repair the relationship between us but I'm not sure how. I... I still love him, Yukina." I stated and Yukina gave me a small smile. Kuwabara was ignorant and apparently had heard none of our conversation so far; his mind too warped by that machine.

Yukina and I talked for a while until I dozed off. She offered her guestroom to me which I gladly excepted. As she gave me a hug and kiss goodnight, I began my decent down the hallway and to the guestroom, which was the third door to the left. I pulled back the soft blue comforters and climb into the oversize bed. I once more began to think of all that has happened and how my future will be affected if Kurama and I remarry. I doubt that we will but that was a possibility which kind of scared me a little. I allowed my mind to wonder as darkness seems around me, cutting off everything. I finally fell asleep around 2 in the morning.

* * *

_**It seems no matter what you do**_

_**It seems no matter what you say**_

_**It seems however far away**_

_**I still keep running back to you**_

I awoke to the sun shining brightly through the large, glass window at the end of the bed. I groaned and lifted the covers overtop my head trying to fall back asleep. I hate the sun at the moment as I had no choice but to get out of bed and up for the morning. I sighed and walked down the hallway to the kitchen. I inhaled the deep aroma of bacon, eggs, waffles, and hash browns cooking on the stove. Yukina looked up and smiled at me before going back to scrambling the eggs. I liked it that way, I hated the taste of the other kind... Sunny side up I think it was.

"So, shrimp finally decided to grace us with his presence." came the oaf's annoying voice. I looked over to where he was pouring himself a cup of coffee. I never like that stuff too, taste like chalk to me.

"Shut the hell up you ugly piece of shit." was my reply which pissed the oaf of royally and caused my sister to glare at me. I rolled my eyes before taking a seat at the kitchen table. The oaf growled out.

"Why don't you come over here and say that to me face, shrimp?" questioned the oaf, not wanting to back down first. I smirked at the challenge he offered me.

"I wouldn't want to catch the ugly disease." I replied causing Yukina to sigh in aggravation and the oaf to stand up quickly, almost knocking it over.

"Yer askin' for it ain't you, shrimp? Come on, let's see what a midget like you can do!" hissed the oaf in frustration and anger. I smirked.

"I may be short but your ugly, at least I can grow." I answered and all the oaf could do was sputter out non-coherent words and sentences in anger. Yukina walked over and place two plates on the table. One for me and one for the oaf. She then walked back over and made herself a plate before taking a seat between us.

"No more insults to each other at this table. You are to eat you breakfast only, no talking." Yukina said in a motherly voice that had an edge of warning in it. I nodded and began to stuff my face with Yukina's tasty food. The breakfast was finished in silence and after I helped Yukina with the dishes, I told her I had to leave and get back home.

"I have to leave Yukina, Kurama must be worried about me." I said as I got my shoes on and stood to give my sister another hug. She waved good-bye as I closed the door. I started on my way and about an hour later I reached my front door after taking a few detours through the park. As I walked in the house, I noticed that there seem to be and endless silence throughout the darkened home. No shades have been opened and nothing looked out of place. The house looked dead even though Kurama was suppose to be here. I walked around and opened the blinds to the house before making my way up the stairs.

"Kurama! You here!" I called out as I made my way around the top floor. I looked in the bedroom and the master bathroom but there was no sign of him. I walked down the hall and into my old room. He wasn't in there either. I was about to leave the room when I heard a noise from the bathroom that was connected to my old room. I cautiously walked over to the door and turned the knob to find it locked. Strange, it wasn't locked when I left. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

"Kurama! Kurama, I know you're in there! Come out here! Kurama!" I waited a few minuets and had yet to get a reply. I growled out in anger before banging my fist on the door. "God damn it Kurama, get your fucking ass out here! Come out here right fucking now! God damn it Kurama! I'll bust down the fucking door if I have too! Damn it!" I hollered out but still had no answer. I stood back from the door some and kicked it in. The hinges shattered and the frame broke as the door gave way under my foot.

Kurama sat on the toilet with his head in his hands. I looked at him for a moment before I shook his form. He lifted his head to look at me and I cringed. He had dried tear stains running down his cheeks and red, puffy eyes from crying. What I cringed at the most was the blood that soaked through the sleeves of his shirt and had dried up. Sighing, I reach for Kurama and hulled him to his feet. He swaggered a little but was able to stand without any help. I led him out of the bathroom and down the hall to the master bedroom. I sat him down on the bed and went to retrieve the medical kit that was keep under the sink in the master bathroom. When I returned, Kurama was looking at me with a voided and dead look on his face.

"So, why did you do it Kurama?" I asked as I took out an ointment to clean his wounds with. Lifting the shirt sleeve, I once more cringed at the tattered and slashed arm of my lover. As I was applying the ointment, I looked up wanting an answer.

"You weren't here when I woke up. I assumed you once again changed you mind, even after last night. I thought you left me again and couldn't bare the thought. I was hurting. I needed an escaped from the pain and we didn't have anything to numb. I remember seeing it on the television and decided that it was worth a shot." was Kurama's reply. I shook my head in either shame or disgust or both, I didn't know which one it was.

"Did you little plan work? Has you pain been numbed?" I asked with a heavy voice of disgust and Kurama looked away in shame. I finished cleaning the cuts on his left arm and moved to the right one. It looked worse off that the other one did and it took all my strength to not beat the shit out of Kurama. I continued, "Well, did it work or not?"

"Yes," was all that came out of my mouth and I froze. The word seemed to not come out clearly and I looked at Kurama, who turned his head away from me, and gaped.

"It worked? Cutting yourself and causing yourself physical pain worked? How the hell does it work? You hurt yourself more and it works! It fucking works! Are you fucking stupid, Kurama? Have you completely lost you god damn mind? Are you that fucking depressed that you would risk your life and cause yourself physical harm to block out your pain? You dumbass! It doesn't fucking work you asshole. If it did then maybe I would have tried it. You fucking dumbass! How fucking stupid can you be! God damn!" I screamed as I threw down the ointment I was holding and stood up. Kurama looked away with shame in his eyes. I couldn't take it anymore and slapped Kurama across the face. Then I froze.

_**Stretched out, reached out all I can**_

_**I'm stretching out until the point I'm breaking**_

_**But you thought I'd never leave **_

_**Yet tomorrow may be another day, but the day**_

_**For no mistaking it could happen while you sleep**_

_**Now**_

Kurama looked back at me with anger and hurt. I couldn't tell which one over rid the other but I also didn't want to find out. I turned from Kurama and fled the room and the house. I didn't even stop when I heard sobs echoed through the house. I ran until my lungs burned and my legs hurt. I ran until I couldn't run anymore and dropped to my knees in a clearing tears pouring out of my eyes.

_I hate him! I fucking hate the bastard! So fucking stupid... The dumbass! Telling me it fucking works! What a god damn lie! I know because I tried it and it didn't work! It doesn't work! What a bastard! A lying bastard! A stupid, lying bastard!_ _A fucking stupid, lying, abusive bastard! I hate him! I don't love him! I hate the guy! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! _

"I HATE HIM!"

* * *

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up, I was staring up at a starry, winter night. I sighed and sat up groaning in the pain it caused me. I swear I'll never sleep in that angle again. My stomach grave a loud rumble for food and I sighed. I looked around before I spotted a small doe off to the right of me. It was about 50 yards away too. I smiled and with my inhuman speed, I drew closer to my prey. As the doe bent her head to graze again, I attacked and brought down the small dear easily. I snapped her neck into two. I set to work on skinning the doe. When finished I began a small fire and grabbed the meat I was to eat and began to cook it over the fire. I was almost like Makai but I would be eating another demon at the moment and not some doe.

When the meat was cook to the way I like it, I pulled it of the stick I has used to rotate it over the fire and began to eat. It wasn't long until I was full and my stomach stopped growling. I sighed and put out the fire before walking off, leaving the scrap meat for the birds. As I made my way home I could feel the fear sweep into my hear the closer I got to my house. I hated feel like this. I hated feeling fear. Yet, I hated Kurama more for making me feel this way.

As I reached my house I stopped out on the front lawn and sighed. I hated this place. It was so much more than some house. It felt like a fucking prison to me. I hated it when I was with Kurama and I hate it today. I can't stand this place. It holds so many bad memories I just want to burn it to the ground. Kurama along with it. I hate it! Yet, it seems to me that I have begun to hate a lot of things I use to love. Kurama more so than others. It's weird in some way and I don't know how to stop my hatred.

I jumped up on the patio roof and looked in on the first window. The window was one of five to the master bedroom. It looked dark but I could see a form, that was darker than all of the other things in the bedroom, on the bed. I sighed before jumping back down to the ground and proceeding through the front door. I walked up the stairs and down the hall to the master bedroom. Turning on the lights, I could seem Kurama's pale form lying on the bed facing towards the window. I walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down on the edge. Kurama had a pained and haunted look on his face as he slept. I pained me to see this but somewhere in the back of my mind I was laughing at him, telling him that he deserved the pain given to him. It was pay back in some form of another and I was strangely satisfied with it.

My hand reached up and moved some of the crimson bangs that had fallen into Kurama's face. He unconsciously moved closer to my hand, wanting the warmth that it provided. Sighing, I shook Kurama's shoulders to wake him from his nightmares. When half-lidded emerald eyes met mine, I saw Kurama smile slightly before it disappeared behind a mask. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up. When he reached his hand upwards to move his hair out of his face, the sleeve to that arm feel down a bit and angry red cuts glared back at me.

"You really should bandage those." I said, pointing to the cuts on his arms. Kurama looked at what I was pointing to and cringed. He must have forgotten about them. Sighing, I grabbed the roll of cloth off the floor and told Kurama to hold out his arm. He looked reluctant but did as he was told. I wrapped the cuts of his right arm then moved to his left. I smiled at my work and then was taken off guard when Kurama pulled me into a hug. My body tensed at the contact, something that Kurama didn't miss, and he let go rather quickly. I sighed at the look in Kurama's eyes, they were filled with hurt and disappointment.

"Sorry," Kurama said and inched away from me to give me some room. I nodded and was about to say something when Kurama cut in. "Have you eaten yet?" Once more I nodded and he gave a small 'oh' before standing and walking out of the room and downstairs. Confused, I followed suite and we ended up in the kitchen. Kurama searched for something to eat while I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and got me some water from the water cooler to the right of me. As Kurama began to heat up left over spaghetti from a few nights ago, I chose to try and start a conversation.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked, trying to cut the awkward and unwelcome silence in half. It was so thick and consuming that it bothered me, I felt as if I were suffocating. Kurama smiled kindly at me which caused me to give a small smile back. I hadn't seen that kind of a smile in a while at it was the light in the darkened tunnel.

"Much better, thank you." came Kurama's reply and I nodded. Kurama continued, "I sorry for angering you earlier. I meant nothing by what I said. Forgive me."

I didn't know how to answer so I gave a small nod which seemed to suit Kurama just fine. I looked at the cup half-full of water and sighed. _Why was everything so hard? Why couldn't things be the way they used to? Why did I continue to torture myself? Why do I continue to return to this hell on Earth for no reason at all? It couldn't be Kurama... No. He wasn't the reason I return. I refuse to let him be the reason for coming back here everyday. I don't want to be here but for some reason I can't leave. I don't know why but... I just can't. It hurts too... To never be able to let go is tearing me apart. Damn it all to hell! I hate being this way! I hate being a fucking push over; yet, here I am letting Kurama walk all over me like I'm so kind of a fucking door mat! It fucking drives me fucking insane! I can't take it anymore! Yet, I always end up coming back and I have no idea why. It's aggregating. It really is. _

_**It seems no matter what you do**_

_**It seems no matter what you say**_

_**It seems however far away**_

_**I still keep running back to you**_

"Hiei, are you alright?" was the thing that brought me out of my haunting thoughts and into the reality world, a place that I had no desire to be. I looked Kurama in the eyes and forced a smile.

"I'm fine, just thinking." I answered and Kurama seemed to become curious. I said nothing while I put away my cup and grabbed a plate out of the dishwasher for Kurama. He thanked me before putting a hefty amount of spaghetti onto his plate for dinner. We both walked over to the island and took a seat in one of the stools. Kurama began to eat in silence as I once more drifted into my mind where there were no unhappy endings. In my world everything was perfect. I back in Makai with Kurama who had chosen to come back with me. We were living in a small but rather cozy cave that was hidden behind many, many vines and dangerous plants. Kurama was not his former abusive self nor was he this new depressed, lying, and fake self. He was the way he was when we still did mission from that brat of a baby. He was still mysterious, charming, alluring, kind hearted, and never would hurt any of his friends. I miss that Kurama but I know that he is never coming back and I have to except that but it's so hard.

I want him the way he was but he has changed and I don't think he will go back to the way he was... Ever. It scares me to know that something so terrible would happen to Kurama to cause him to become the cold and uncaring piece of shit that abused me when ever he had the fucking chance. I can't believe that I let him but I had so many false hopes of that Kurama was just going through a stage and everything would eventually go back to normal. Guess I was wrong, huh?

I sighed and looked over to Kurama who was staring deeply into his plate of spaghetti. He has changed a lot but he wasn't the only one. I have changed dramatically too from anybody who knew me. I have grown less cold and withdrawn from my friends as I normally once was. I have become insecure about my looks because Kurama would always be dissatisfied with what I was wearing or how I looked. Also, I have grown weak and depended on Kurama for money and support even though that was never there in our relationship. The biggest change was the fact that I started to hate Kurama instead of loving him... Come to think of it, I still do.

I was brought out of my thought when I felt a hand placed on my shoulder. I jumped a little which I mentally kicked myself for and looked up to meet Kurama's guarded eyes. I forced another smile and stood from my chair. _Kurama wasn't the only one who is fake._ I thought to myself as I followed Kurama up the stairs and into the bedroom. Once past the door frame Kurama pulled me to him and gave me a soft passionate kiss. Before it could get any deeper the phone rang and I pulled away to answer. I almost missed the disappointment and hurt in Kurama's dull and dead eyes.

* * *

**Phone conversation hints:** It's a three-way phone call.

**_Bold and Italic- _**Shori

**Bold- **Kurama-

_Regular-_ Hiei

* * *

"Moshi Moshi." I answered as I picked up the phone. I looked over to Kurama, who had picked up the phone from the office from down the hall, and smiled.

"**_Hello, Hiei. It's me Shori!" _**came a soft angelic voice from the other end. I smiled happily but it disappeared when I looked over at Kurama. He seemed so sad all of a sudden and it hurt me too for some reason. Shori continued, **_" You still there Hiei?_**"

"Yeah, I'm here. How are you? It's been a long time since we last talked or anything like that."

"**_I know, darling. I doing just fine, thank you. How are things with you? I heard from Yukina that your pregnant. Is it true?_**" asked Shori and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. _(A/N: Shori knows about Hiei being a demon along with Yukina, Kurama, and Yuskue.)_

"It's true. I am going to have a baby and I would really like you to be there during birth."

"_**I will be there. So, how are things between you and Kurama? He's not hurting you again, is he?" **_

"N..." I was cut off by Kurama who decided to join in the conversation at that moment.

"**No mother, I haven't laid a hand on him." **came Kurama's pitiful reply. He sounded so broken when he spoke and the look in his eyes told all. There was a ling pause of silence as Shori registered that her real son had just spoken.

"_**S-S-Shuichi... I-is that y-you?" **_

"**Yes mother, it me. How are you doing? We haven't spoken in so long. I'm sorry about that."**

"_**N-no. That's quite alright Shuichi. I'm doing fine. H-how about you?" **_

"**I could be better but I'm not bad off. Hiei and I are still living together but have come to mutual understandings."**

"_**That's great dear."**_

"Shori," I butted in to cause the awkward conversation to come to an end, "Would you mind if Kurama and I came over to see you? I have wanted some of your good home-made cooking for a while now. A baby craving if you will."

"_**Sure! I would love to have the two of you over. How about tomorrow night? I have nothing planned and Shuichi and my husband will be home from a father-son trip they went on." **_

"**Sounds good mother, we'll be there."**

"_**Well, I must be going. I have to get up early to go to work. It was good talking to you both."**_

"**Alright mother, I'll see you tomorrow. Good-night." **And with that, Kurama hung up the phone he was on and walked out of the room to place it on the receiver in the office.

"Bye," Was all I said before I too, hung up the phone and place it back where it belonged. When Kurama walked back into the room I smiled at him and he tried to return it but it seem to come out wrong. He walked over to the bed I was sitting on and pulled me onto his lap. I sighed and lifted my eyes to met his. They were still guarded but they had gained back some of their shine they used to have.

"We should get some sleep too Kurama. I need to rest up some." I said as I pulled myself away from Kurama. He nodded and allowed me to go. I walked into the conjoined bathroom and closed the door. Stripping myself of my clothing, I walked over to the shower and turned on the water. When the temperature was just right, I climbed in and began to bathe. When I finished washing away the dirt and grime from my hair, I reach to grab the bar of soap but yelped when two arms wrapped around my waist. I turned in the embrace to find Kurama smiling at me. Rolling my eyes, I pulled away from the embrace and turned away from him scowling. I reached for the soap once more but stopped my hand in thin air as Kurama grasped my buttocks and squeezed them together. I growled dangerously while turning to face him and punched his arm, not to hurt him but as a warning.

"YOU HENTAI!" I screeched at Kurama as he held back a chuckle. I snorted before backing away from him and took hold of the bar of soap with my eyes still transfixed of the kitsune in front of me. Kurama moved forward to take hold of me and did not stop until I was pressed against the tiled wall. I glared my hatred and displeasure at the fox but it did little to stop his advances. He pulled me against his naked form and smirked, placing his face into the croak of my neck. He place little butterfly kisses along the base of my neck and trailed upwards to nubble on my ear. His hot breath against the craven of my ear caused a powerful and unwanted shudder of pleasure to pass through me spine.

"Only for you, koi." Kurama stated causing a blush to begin on my cheeks. I couldn't tell what was stronger at that moment, my anger towards Kurama or the humiliation of the whole ordeal. A moan erupted from my mouth as Kurama suddenly pressed his hardening member to mine. In all honesty, I only want to shove Kurama away and beat the living shit out of him but my body refused to obey my commands.

Kurama kissed me passionately as he traced his fingers over my chest and arms, stopping only to tweak my nibbles roughly. I moaned into his mouth which allowed Kurama the opportunity to slip his warm tongue into my mouth. After a few seconds had past, I began to kiss back causing our tongues to engage in a fierce and fiery dance of passion and pleasure. Kurama ran his hands down my chest then circled them around and up my back, pulling me away from the wall and back down only moments later to rest on my slim hips. Pulling away from the kiss, I groaned out in pleasure as he traced my inner thigh with his right hand.

"Fuck," I moaned as Kurama trailed his hand up my inner thigh and missing my erection by no more than a hair. "Damn it Kurama, can't you control your urges?" I asked as Kurama softly ran the tips of his fingers over my erection. I squirmed, wanting his hand to grasp me and bring my the release I desired. Kurama chuckled as he hauled me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he continued to assault my neck with his tender kisses.

"I don't hear you complaining." was Kurama's answer, his voice husky and deep with lust. I hissed in slight pain and pleasure as Kurama bit down hard on my earlobe. Kurama's hips ground into my own causing my to buck back up against him in pleasure.

"Don't get smart with me asshole." I hissed out making Kurama smirk. I really hated it when he mocked me. The fucking bastard. "If you control your fucking hormones, I probably be more willing to have a good fuck. Yet, you have to go and be a damn hentai and come onto me whenever your horning. Damn pervert."

"What can I say, Hiei... I'm addicted to your scent and body." was all that I got before Kurama pushed a moist finger into my body causing shudders to run through the course of my body. I groaned at the feeling as I rocked my body against his middle finger wanting it to go deeper.

_**There's room for changing, so I'm rearranging**_

_**Myself to be much better than what I am now**_

_**Yes, I'm addicted, and I admit it**_

**_So everything can be better than what it is now _**

**_So much better now _**

"Kurama... oh fuck...yes" the moans along those lines continued to pour from me a

Kurama entered ring and index finger. They pushed deep into me trying to reach for my prostate that would bring the immense pleasure. As they hit the spot my body went rigid with the feeling and I howled out want to feel more.

"You like it, fire baby?" questioned Kurama as he pushed his fingers against my prostate with a large amount of force. I glared at him with displeasure at the choice of the pet name he gave me. My stare faltered quickly as Kurama rapidly pressed my spot making my body jerk with the force and pleasure.

"K-Kur-Kura...ma... oh...fuck yes...oh huh... yes... fuck Kurama!" my moans echoed through the large bathroom, bouncing off the walls as it would in a large deserted cave in Makai. I felt myself draw closer and closer to my orgasm. I pushed back as Kurama drove his finger faster and harder into my body and against my prostate. Suddenly, my body jerk and convulsed as I spilled my cum against Kurama's and my stomach. I gasped for air as Kurama pulled his fingers out of me. I was vaguely aware of Kurama thrusting his large, thick, hot member inside my body. I groaned at the entry and placed my hands atop of Kurama's shoulders as he began to thrust into me without mercy.

"You're so hot, Hiei. Tight too," Kurama grunted as he pushed his length in and out of my body. I used his shoulders for support as I pulled myself up on the organ inside my body. Kurama moaned in hot pleasure as I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and pulled him deeper into my willing body. Damn did it feel good. As Kurama approached the edge, he took my member in his hands and jerked me off to match the fast paced thrusting. In a matter of minuets, I was once more overwhelmed with satisfaction and came again over our bodies. Kurama hissed in his climax as he spilled his hot seed into my passage. Kurama leaned against me while he caught his breath and when he did, he placed me back on my feet.

Kurama picked up the soap that I had dropped while fucking and proceeded the clean my body as well as his. When he was finished, he stood with me under the shower head and allowed the water to rain down upon us.

Half an hour later, Kurama and I were wrapped up in our winter blanket. I sighed and curled in closer to Kurama while hating myself for doing it. I couldn't help it, though. For some odd and bazaar reason I still felt a strong sensation of love towards the man who had beaten me until I could barely breath. Closing my eyes in aggravation, I sighed.

"Is there something wrong, Hiei?" Kurama asked in his concerned voice he often did with me now days. It pissed me off to no end for some reason. I hated it. It was as if he was mocking my confusion and pain but most of all it felt as if he was mocking me. I felt so weak around him and the reality of it was tearing me apart inside.

"I'm not your koi." was what popped out of my mouth before I had time to think. Kurama tensed and a flash of hurt rang through his eyes as he looked down at me.

"What?" Kurama asked, not really comprehending what I really wanted to tell him. I looked away in annoyance. I blurted it out so I might as well say something to add to it.

"You heard me, Kurama, I am NOT you koi." I hissed koi like it was some type of poison that was going to kill me. Kurama blinked away the tears of betrayal away from his emerald green eyes. I continued, "We are getting a divorce and that's that. There is nothing you can say or do to make me change my mind. We came to an agreement that we would only stay together for the child's sake and nothing more. Afterwards, we are to separate and go our own ways once I give birth. So, I would appreciate if you keep your fucking fantasies to yourself and not call me your koi because it obviously hasn't settled in yet that I am not yours anymore.

"Get your fucking mind out of the gutter and face the god damn truth, Kurama. Quite acting like a baby and being responsible for your fucking action for once damn it. I'm not yours! I will never again be yours! Get it through you mind! OKAY? JUST GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING MIND, KURAMA!"

By the time I was done I could feel Kurama's body shaking with suppressed sobs. I cringed and dared to look up. As my crimson eyes but emerald green, my heart ached as his eyes were filled with so much pain and suffering. Tears leaked out of the corner of his eyes as he was unable to hold them back. I looked away and sighed when Kurama unwrapped me from his embrace and left the room. The guest bedroom down the hall closed with a soft 'click' but Kurama's wails of frustration, pain, suffering, betrayal forced its way down the empty hallway and into my room and to my ears. I felt my own hot tears at the back of my eye lids but I refused to let them go.

After about an hour or so of tossing and turning, Kurama's sobs of pain had died down to whimpering before they disappeared altogether. I sighed in relief as Kurama either ran out of tears to shed or cried himself to sleep. I allowed the soft hum of the house bring me to sleep.

* * *

_**I stood alone, pulled a dime from my pocket and wished**_

_**Making sure it hit the bottom of the well**_

_**But fruition never came**_

_**So I am taking back my wishes, I could be wrong**_

_**But this is another reason for an angry farewell**_

_**But I'm anxious for a change now**_

I woke up around noon to my surprise. As I changed into a pair of deep red boxers, my mind began to drift to Kurama. I had hurt him and I mean really hurt him last night. Sighing, I pulled on a pair of loose black baggy jeans. They had chains, hooks, and straps hanging off in some places. I pulled on a black fish net shirt before pulling on a T-shirt that said in bold all cap print '**UP YOURS!**'. Pulling on a pair of white socks I left the room in search for Kurama as well as to get something to eat.

_**It seems no matter what you do**_

_**It seems no matter what you say**_

_**It seems however far away**_

**_I still keep running back to you_**

As I entered the kitchen, Kurama looked up from his spot at the island. His eyes were red and puffy from his probably crying recently. His cheeks where flushed and his hair was slightly disheveled. He was wearing a white button down shirt with the collar folded. Brown khakis covered the lower proportion of his body. He looked semi-fine but if one were to take one look into his eyes you would know he was suffering. The were a dead emerald green. They had lost their shine to them and held so much suffering. I diverted my gaze from his eyes and went to the fridge. I poured me a glass of orange juice and walked over to the island. I stood there no looking Kurama in the eyes but knew without a doubt that he was watching me.

_**It seems no matter what you do**_

_**It seems no matter what you say**_

_**It seems however far away**_

**_I still keep running back to you _**

"Damn it Kurama! Why the hell do you have to be so... so hurt by all of this. I only told you the truth that you should of realized from the beginning. I wasn't trying to hurt you or make you cry but damn it you need to stop living in the fantasies. They aren't real and they never will be real. Just stop fucking moping around and get on with your life. Go back to school or go out and met with some friends. Your life doesn't have to end because I'm leaving you. It shouldn't happen like that, you know. Damn it Kurama, you are not the only one hurting because of this. Why can't you fucking see that?

"Did you honestly think that you and I were and or are going to get back together. That when I said I wanted a divorce that I was lying. Tell me. What is going through your head? I'm not lying and I know what I am saying. You may feel betrayed by this but how the fuck did you think I was feeling everyday when he beat the shit out of me? I swear your stupid sometimes Kurama!" I stated causing Kurama to blink back tears once more. I sighed and walked around the island and pulled Kurama to me. I let him rest his head on my shoulders while he sobbed away his pain. While rubbing his back I couldn't help but feel guilty for hurting Kurama like this. _Damn it! Why do I keep coming back to you Kurama?_

_**Keep running back to you, I keep crawling back to you**_

_**I keep running back to you**_

_**Keep running back to you, I keep crawling back to you**_

**_I keep coming back, crawling back, crawling back to you

* * *

_**

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, thanks for reading and sorry if it is a little long. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I love the song and I hope you have heard of it. It's a very nice song!

**Hiei: **Get on with it!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Anyway, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years!


	9. Gomenasai I'm Sorry

1**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Hello everyone! How are you? Good I hope.

**Hiei: **Quit with the small talk, Sing. Nobody cares about that.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:**_ (Sigh)_ You're right, but I do hope you all are doing great.

**Kurama: **Just get on with it Sing!

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Okay, okay! _(mummers) _Party poopers... _(smiles)_ Anyway, I have another chapter for ya! I won't waist anymore of your time with my senseless babbling so here's the chappy!

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name. Also, I do NOT own the lyrics to the song Gomenasai by T.A.T.U.

**Chapter Warnings: **Excessive Language, child abuse, spouse abuse

**_Bold + Italic _**Song Lyrics

_Italics _Thoughts

Regular Font Script

* * *

**Gomenasai (I'm Sorry)**

(Kurama's POV)

_It hurts, it hurts so much. I can see him, I can feel him, and I have even taken him since he decided to leave me, but... I can't have him. He refuses to come back to me, no matter how hard I try to convince him otherwise. I'm doing my best to make him happy. I swear I am! Sometimes I wonder why things turned out the way they did. What caused the rift between us? What broke us apart so much that Hiei can't stand to be near me? What happened to us? Then, I remember. I remember all the tings I had done to Hiei, all the things I never did for him. That's what broke us apart; that's what caused the rift between us. I hate it cause' I know that it is all my fault. I was the one who pushed him away, and I was the one who beat him until he couldn't take it anymore. It was me, all me. Hiei is innocent in this act of pain. _

_Sometimes I just want to lie down in a field somewhere and die. Not like that will happened anytime soon but it's still how I feel at times. All I ever try to do is make my lover... ex-lover happy. I give him the space he needs; I give him food and a place to stay, and I gave him pleasure when he needed it the most. Yet, in the end, I always seem to disappoint Hiei with my words, or my actions, or my behaviors. Everything I do for him never seems to be enough. I want Hiei to be happy and I am beginning to realize that maybe... maybe I can't make him happy. It scares me to think that but that's how it seems. _

_I want him to love me, I really do. I want to come every night from work and see his smiling face. I can't now, because every time someone leaves, all the other person ends up doing is crying his heart out. I know I do at least. Every time Hiei walked out that door, I kept thinking if he would ever come home to me. I always stay up late wondering if Hiei is coming back, if he decided to stay away. Then, with no strength left, I cry myself to sleep. _

_Sometimes I wish I was dead. This pain is so immense and it's eating me up on the inside, bu I know that this is nothing compared to the pain that haunts Hiei's mind every time he closes his eyes to sleep. I wake up too many times during the night because oh Hiei and his nightmares that keep him awake. I want to know what he is dreaming about but I dare not ask out of the fear of rejection. I don't want to be pushed away anymore. I'm already just a shadow of Hiei's past, I don't want to be forgotten forever.

* * *

_

_**What I thought wasn't mine**_

_**In the light**_

_**Was one of a kind, **_

_**A precious pearl. **_

My thoughts were broken, however, when I felt a shove to my mid back from someone.

Groaning in annoyance, I pulled the covers from over top of my head to see who it was. Glaring red eyes stared down my tired emerald green ones. A small smile graced my lips before I forced myself into an upright position.

While stretching my sore muscles, I look around at my surroundings. I blink in confusion for a moment or two. _'This isn't my bedroom.' _I thought to myself before I looked at Hiei for an answer. He didn't say anything besides "get dressed," and "hurry the hell up you stupid fox."

As I stood on my legs, I stared into the mirror on the opposite side of the room. My face scrunched in distaste at the person staring back at me. It's not the worst I have ever looked but it's certainly not the best. My hair was in tangles and I had dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep I have been getting. I was also thinning, not bothering to eat in the last few days because of emotional distress.

Sighing, I walked over to the closet and pulled, at random, at a pair of nick dress pants and a dress shirt. I stumbled into the bathroom and took a moment to yawn and stretch once more. After getting the last of the kinks out of my swore back and neck, I turned on the shower to my right. Pulling off my boxers, I stepped into the steaming hot shower. It felt so good to stand there and let the scalding hot water loosen my tension ridden muscles. As I stood under the shower head, my mind began to stray from reality once more.

* * *

_We're going to see mom today. I wonder how she's doing. It has been a long while since I last saw her and to hear her speak was like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I know her and I aren't on the best of terms at the moment but I want to repair all the damage I had done. _

_I don't remember when it happened, but I do remember it started with Hiei making that fatal call to my mother one day while I was out getting plastered. He told her everything, from us being a demon of Makai to me beating him. I think that's what set mother off because the next day, she came over to visit us. I, of course, didn't know about the phone call at the time but boy was I pissed when she brought it up. It had taken all my strength not to walk over to Hiei and kill him right then and there. Yet, I had managed somehow but my mother and I got into a heated argument. _

_I think I called my mother a piece of shit, good for nothing whore. The look on her face was devastating, and before I could say anything to change my words, she slapped me, hard too. It hurt but not as much as it hurt to see her eyes full of tears and shame... shame that was directed at me. I don't know what came over me but something inside me just snapped. It was like the beast that I held a tight reign on broke free, and it charged at mother with a full frontal assault. _

_I hit her. I hit her and I made damn sure that it hurt like fucking hell. She looked at me with such fright and terror that Hiei, who had been watching the whole thing, stepped in and backed her up. That pissed me off even more and I began to beat him in front of my mother. IN FRONT OF MY OWN GOD DAMN MOTHER! She screamed at me, pleaded for me to stop. She even ran up behind me and began to litter my body with weak punches. It didn't work and the more I beat Hiei, the more she cried those tears of horror and shame. It just fueled my anger, like throwing gasoline onto an already raging fire. So, I hit Hiei harder; I made him bleed. I wanted so badly to kill them, both of them at that very moment but I restrained myself. _

_I didn't stop until my step-father walked in through my front door. He looked from me, to the battered Hiei lying on my floor, to my mother's tear stained face and bruised cheek. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground with my face stinging like a fucking banshee. Then pain just erupted throughout my body as he beat me. I guess he was repaying me the favor of beating Hiei and hitting mother. What hurt the most, though, was when my mother completely ignored what was going on right in front of her. Instead, she dried her tears and turned her back on me to help Hiei. She helped him stand and then led him out of the house and, I'm guessing, into the back of my mother's car. _

_When my step-father did stop, he just looked down at me and told me that if I ever hit my mother again, he was going to kill me. Then he had the nerve to tell me that I was no longer welcomed into his house again. I sneered at him, it wasn't his house to begin with, it was mother's house, not his. I was expecting my mother to come walking back in at any moment to help me up from the floor. To my disappointment, though, she never came back. _

_My step-father left me lying on the ground, with a broken heart and a heavy mind. Every time I tried to stand up and chase after them, unimaginable pain shot through my body. So, I just lied there like some kind of rag doll that had been thrown away. I knew I deserved it, but I couldn't get past the pain in my heart. My mother tried everything in her power to get me to stop beating Hiei, but I was the one being beaten... She turned her back on me. She turned her back on me! I think I cried all through the night until the wee hours of the morning. _

_My mother left me a message on my answering machine the next day, telling me that Hiei was okay and that there hadn't been any real damage done physically. She said emotionally and mentally she wasn't too sure about. She also said that Hiei would be staying with them until he decided what he wanted to do. Not only that, but at the end of the message, she said that my step-father and Shuichi disowned me from their family. Also, she recommended a therapist I could go and talk to. Do you know how much that tore me apart? I didn't want to have to hear my mother, my OWN mother, recommend a therapist to me because I had problems. _

_In a way, I guess that that's what ended tearing me apart in the end. I lost my step-father's love that night and I wasn't able to visit my little brother, Shuichi. Hiei had, by then, lost all faith in me and I think that's the night that he truly started to hate me. My mother, though, god what wouldn't I do to take back everything I did to her that night. I was utterly alone at the age of 19, and it was all my fault. _

_It haunts me every time I close my eyes for some sleep. I can see her screams and I can see her eyes clouded with shame and tears. Then the fight appears before my eyes and continues to replay the part where mother turns her back on me. It plays that over and over again like some kind of broken record. Everything fades away, the background, my step-father, and even Hiei is over come by nothing by darkness. The only thing left is my mother walking, my uninjured arm outstretched, reaching for her. All you can her is her footsteps fading away and my sobs for her to come back. Then, I wake up with sweat matting my hair to my face and tears streaming down my face. After it occurs to me that it was only a bad memory, you can't really call it a dream because it really happened; I sob into my hands for an hour or two before I can't cry anymore. _

_Now, all I want to do is walk into my mother's house and have her and the rest of my family welcome me with outstretched arms and open hearts. I know that that's not how it will go. My step-father will probably keep himself in between mother and me, while keeping an eye on Hiei to make sure he's aright. Shuichi will most likely take one look at me, glare, then walk away from me every time I go near him. My mother, though, she's the one I'm most worried about. I know she doesn't approve of what I did, hell I don't even approve of what I did. The fact is that I did do it and there's nothing that will erase it from any of our minds. I just hope she has forgiven me enough to allow me back in her heart. I don't know what I would do if she, too, rejected me.

* * *

_

_**When I wanted to cry**_

_**I couldn't cause I**_

**_Wasn't allowed._**

A loud banging on the bathroom door interrupted my thoughts. It was then that I realized that I had lost track of time. My eyes were burning with unshed tears but I quickly pushed those away as I did with my most painful memory. Sighing, I quickly finished my now cold shower and got out. I dressed in the black dress pants and crimson button down dress shirt that I had randomly grabbed of their hangers. I dried my hair as best as I could with the towel since I didn't have enough time to blow dry it. I threw it back into a low riding ponytail before adding a tiny hint of cologne. Satisfied with the way I looked, I left the bathroom to find Hiei sitting on the edge of the bed with his right hand lightly rubbing his slightly rounded stomach.

A grin began to appear on my lips as I watched my lover... ex-lover. He seemed to not have noticed me but when I tried to sneak up on him, he lifted his head in time to see me. I stopped in my tracks, not wanting to frighten or anger Hiei in anyway. He just smiled lightly, though, and stood up from where he was sitting. He crossed the room over to me before burying his head into the croak of my neck and took a whiff.

"You're earing cologne," he stated in a fact more so then a question. I nodded my head in response and he buried his head into my neck again and took in the scent of my cologne. Hiei pulled away after a moment and slightly smiled at me.

"I like it, you should wear it more often," he said before turning and walking out of the room. It stood there for a moment, stunned at Hiei's actions. Last night, he had yelled at me because I wanted to be his lover again, but today he says my cologne smelled nice and that I need to wear it more often. Sighing, I came to the conclusion that it must be the mood swings.

I quickly followed after Hiei, only to find him already in my car. I paced out of the house but turned to lock it before proceeding to my car. I entered on the driver's side because mainly, I didn't want Hiei driving my car. It had been a rule from the get-go. Even though it wasn't a nice car, it was still something that I bought with my own money, from my own wallet, from my own job. In a way, this car was my pride and joy.

The car roared as I turned the key in the ignition to 'on'. I smiled the sound of the engine purring and it gave an adrenaline rush to the extreme. The car was nothing really special but it was imported from America and it captured everyone's eyes. I forget the year of the car, somewhere around late fifties early sixties. She was a beauty though, everyone on the sidewalks stopped and stared as we drove past them. My car was a Desoto. I bought it online from some old man in California. It said it was in perfect condition so I said what the hell, and bought the damn thing over the internet. Not long after, the car was shipped to Japan for me. Man, she was so fucking beautiful. Fire engine red paint with white decals running the length from the car door to the bumper. Chrome bumpers glistened in the sun every time I drove it. The interior was a pearl white with a crimson steering wheel. She may not look it, but the thing had some power behind the beauty.

The ride over to my mother's house was tension filled silence of agony. I hated it when Hiei would just sit there and stare out the window and not say anything. I makes me feel as if I had done something to upset him or to make him depressed. I glanced over at him every once in a while, just to see if his mood had changed at all but there wasn't a indication that he was ticked off or anything like that. I gave a silent sigh of relief and returned my attention back to the road.

After about half an hour later, we pulled into the driveway of my mother's house. It hadn't changed since the last time I came here but the flowers in the garden looked more beautiful than I could ever remember them being. Hiei unbuckled his seat belt and climber out of the car. I took a deep breath in and held it for a moment before releasing it all to quickly. I, too, unbuckled and got out of the care. I locked both doors with my keys before heading to the front door of my mother's house. Hiei was just about to ring the doorbell when I stopped him.

"Hiei, wait!" I panicked, the one thing I was trying to avoid on the was down here. _'I can't go through with this. I can't face the look of shame and disgust on my family's face as I walk through the door. I can't stand the awkwardness between my mother and me. I just can't go through with the rejection that will be sure to happen.'_ my mind to me as I grabbed Hiei's arm and held it in a death grip. Hiei looked at me with anger and confusion before he yanked his arm back.

"What the hell is it now, baka fox?" Hiei questioned with obvious distaste for my action. I grimaced at the anger laced in his voice but I decided that I would apologize later.

"I can't do this Hiei, I can't. I want to so badly, but I'm so scared of being rejected. I don't think I could handle that right now," I said with hope flickering in my eyes that Hiei would actually care about my feelings. I was hoping that he would say something encouraging to me but instead, he rang the doorbell, much to my dismay. As I stared into his eyes, I could see the pride and mockery within them. _'He didn't care. He didn't care one bit about what this is doing to me. Not one bit. He just brushed me off like some whore. Can't he see that this is tearing me apart from the inside out?' _I was interrupted form my thoughts for the third time that day when the front door opened up. Standing in the door way was non other than my ex-step-brother Shuichi. He had gotten taller from the last time I saw him, which was four years ago. I bet he had all the girls hanging all over him.

Shuichi's smile brighten as he looked at Hiei. He gave him a giant bear hug he used to do to me when I was younger. When they let go, I could see the pure happiness shining in both their eyes. A conversation started up between the two before Shuichi invited Hiei in. I took in a deep breath, hoping it would help the sob that I wanted to so desperately suppress. _'Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn't have come at all. I think I should have dropped Hiei off and just gone home. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll go home. Yeah.' _I convinced myself to just turn around and return home, to save myself from the heart ache that was sure to come. _'Then again, I need to apologize for my actions and for the way I was in the past. I need to do this, even if it kills me.' _

_**Gomenasai**_

_**For everything**_

_**Gomenasai**_

_**I know I let you down**_

_**Gomenasai 'til the end**_

_**I never needed a friend like I do now**_

I walked in the house and silently closed the door behind me. Looking around, I noted that there wasn't anyone here so I used my keen hearing to locate everybody. They were all in the backyard apparently, so I quickly hurried to the back door. As I reached it, I could see my step-father, Shuichi, Hiei, and my mother all laughing at something that was said. It then occurred to me what I was really afraid of. It was the fact that they didn't need me in their lives to be happy, that they didn't need me at all. Teats gather in the corners of my emerald green eyes. It hurt so much to know how little I was needed. I only cause them all suffering and misery.

I did the only thing I knew that would help me, I turned and walked away from the scene. I couldn't stand there any longer and watch as they all laugh happily without me. I would give anything to be able to laugh like that again. I would even give my soul just to have one last joyful memory of my family. A sobbed ripped from my throat, but I didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered, my family didn't need me and my friends didn't need me. I was all alone. Utterly alone.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice that was now standing in my old bedroom. Everything that had ever been mine was missing and the walls, that used to be filled with photos, were bare and boring. I sat down the edge of my old bed and sobbed into my hands. _'Why does it have to hurt so much? I want to be happy, but at the same time, I want my family to be happy to. In order for them to be that way, I would have to suffer. Either way, it's a win-lose situation. If I don't suffer then they suffer, if I do suffer, then they are happy. Either way, I end up getting hurt. I hate this! _

I stay hidden in my old bedroom for about an hour before my broken sobs finally started to settle down. I got up from my bed and walked over to the closet, hoping that something of mine was still there. It wasn't. They cleaned the room bare after they removed all of my belongings from this room. They erased me completely from their memories.

My whole body jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was so caught up in my misery that I didn't notice someone else had entered the room. I wanted to smack myself for letting my guard down but that didn't matter now. Nothing did. I sighed and turned and came face to face with my mother. I smiled slightly at her but just looking at her made all the guilt come rushing back in the form of a tidal wave. My smile died shortly after that.

"Hi," I said meekly, my voice strained from crying so much and because I was physically and emotionally drained. She smiled her bright sunshine smile at me and it warmed my heart to see her this happy.

_**What I thought wasn't all **_

_**So innocent**_

_**Was a delicate doll**_

_**Of porcelain **_

"Shuichi, it's so good to see you," my mother said as she took me into her arms. I couldn't help the smile that spread over my features as her arms enclosed around my waist and her head buried into my chest. I wanted this moment to drag on forever but I know it had to end. With disappointment, I drew away from the hug and stared into my mother's smiling face.

"How have you been, Mother?" I asked. I wanted to know if she was happy and if she wasn't then I would have to do everything within my power to make her happy. It wouldn't be easy but I know what they didn't need. They didn't need me.

"I'm doing fine, thank you for asking. But, that's not why I came up here. I came up here because I wanted to know why my son was here, crying his heart out instead of down stairs with the rest of the family, where he belongs," Mother stated and for brief moment, I felt wanted. I felt like I could anything at that moment, that I was needed in order to make my family happy. Mother led my over to the bed and sat me down before she sat next to me. I looked away from her and stared intently at the white plush carpet. Mother continued, "Tell me what's bothering you Shuichi."

"It hurts so much mother," I began and already I could feel the tears of pain at the back of my eyes lids. My mother grasped my hand and in return, I squeezed her soft, pale hand softly. A sob threatened to erupt from within me, and I fought with all my might to keep it down. I lost the battle in the end.

"Go on Shuichi, I'll listen to whatever you have to say," Mother cooed and I felt strangely calmer than I had in months. I took in a deep breath and began my story.

"I hate it, mother. I love him so much and because of my stupid actions and anger towards my life, I cause myself to lose one of the greatest gifts in my life. I lost Hiei because I couldn't care enough and when I did, I had already lost the war. I want to be with him so much it hurts, and I want to show him how I really feel about him. I can't though because Hiei will hear none of it and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. I cause him pain and I made him suffer through things he never should have. I hate myself for it. Why couldn't I be more gentle and kind with him? What the hell did Hiei do to deserve a worthless asshole like me? I don't blame him for hating me, and I don't blame him for not wanting to be with me. But, I think about the child he's caring, our child. I don't want Hiei to have to tell our child that the only reason his father isn't around is because he was a fucking asshole that ruined everything. I don't want him to have to tell our kid that his father messed up when he began to beat his mother, I don't want that. I don't want Hiei to have to go through that. I'd rather have Hiei tell our child that his father was dead or something like that. Is that so wrong?"

My mother looked at me with pity filled eyes and I knew at that moment I had gotten back into my mother's heart and good graces. She wiped away my tears with the back of her thumb before giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Go on, Shuichi, I'm listening. Tell me everything," And I did.

"It's not only. I've been having nightmares about the day I hit you and beat Hiei in front of you," I paused, wanting to see the look of anger or shame was through those warm brown eyes but it never came. So, I continued, "It always starts out the same. It shows me hitting you, and then me beating Hiei. I can hear your screams and pleas for me to stop and I can still feel the stinging in my check where you hit me. I can see the look of terror and shame in your eyes as you pound away at me, trying to make me stop. I can still smell the fresh scent of salty tears. I hate it. Then it goes on to show when Father walks in through the doorway and sees what has happened. Then it show my beating and it seems to drag on for hours. After a while, it zooms in on you turning away form me and helping Hiei up. Then the two of you begin to walk off. Then... Then..." I pause again to try and calm the tears that are pouring faster down my pale cheeks as I place a hand around my mouth to stifle my sobs.

Mother pulled me into her chest where I laid until I could gather my thoughts, all the while, she is rocking me and gently shushing. She runs a hand up and down my back like she used to do when I was a child. Soon afterwards, my sobs quite a little and my tears seem to slow down but don't completely stop.

"Then," I started, "Then everything disappears. Hiei, Father, the living room, everything. All I can see or hear is you and your footsteps getting further and further away. I raise my hand to reach out and grab, to pull you back to me but I can't reach. I have tears pouring out of my eyes as I keep screaming at the top of my lungs for you to come back. But you never do, you left me. Then I wake up and I'm in my bedroom.

The nightmare just won't leave me alone and I have tried to take medicine to suppress my memories but it doesn't work. I asked for a high dosage and ended up over dosing on my medication so the doctors took it away from me. All I want is for the nightmares to end. That's all I want, I don't want to dream anymore. I can't take it.

Every time I tried to call you for some advice, I would just hang up in the end because I was so nervous that you wouldn't except me anymore. I figured that you hated me and wanted nothing more to do with me, like Shuichi and Father. I guess I was right, I mean... My old room is bare of any belongings that I left behind. I don't blame you though, I would have done the same thing. Sometimes, I wish I was just dead," I said and I felt my mother stiffen. I had managed to anger her, the very thing I didn't want to do.

_**When I wanted to call you**_

_**And ask you for help**_

_**I stopped myself**_

"Shuichi, how could you say something like that? I love you; you are my son and no matter how bad you mess up, you will always be my son. I'm happy that you're alive because that gives us the chance to mend things between us. Now, I don't ever want to hear you wish you were dead, because I don't. I know for a fact that your little brother was excited that you were coming over today because all morning, he kept asking when you would get here. And you Father was also looking forward to mending the rift between the two of you. So, no more tears Kurama, okay," Mother said, her gentle voice ringing in my ears like a thousand telephones. I nodded and wiped away my tears before sitting up and stretching my back muscles. Just as my mother was about to stand up, I grabbed her arm gently and pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you, Mother. I'm sorry for everything I did to make you cry. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I said before she kissed my forehead and stood to leave the room. I stood and followed behind her, matching her step for step.

_**Gomenasai**_

_**For everything**_

_**Gomenasai**_

_**I know I let you down**_

_**Gomenasai 'til the end**_

**_I never needed a friend like I do now_**

As we came to the bottom of the stairs, I came face to faces with the rest of my family. I gave them a small uncertain smile, but it grew when large grins spread over their faces. My step-father walked up to me and hugged me for a long while and I was the one who had to pull away. The minute I got free from my step-father, I was pounced on by my little brother. He nearly squeezed the life out of me but I had managed to slip from his grasp at the last minute.

"Come on, Kurama, I thought you were tough than that. Upstairs crying like a little baby, and here I thought you were a man," Shuichi said as he playful punched my shoulder. I smiled at him before my mother turned to glare at him. He giggled nervously before apologizing.

"Be nice, Shuchi!" my mother said before turning back to me and smiling. A loud buzzer rang throughout the house and Mother gasped before hurrying off, saying that the ham was done. Everyone filed off after her besides me and Hiei.

Hiei beckoned me closer with his pointer finger and I obeyed the command. When I reached him, he grabbed my hair and pulled me eye level with him before he kissed me. I was caught off by surprise but quickly responded back, kissing Hiei for all he was worth. The innocent kiss turned passionate within a matter of seconds before he pulled away to gasp for air. I leaned down and placed a butterfly kiss on his lips before he released me.

_**What I thought was a dream**_

_**A mirage **_

_**Was as real as it seemed **_

_**A privilege **_

_**When I wanted to tell you **_

_**I made a mistake **_

_**I walked away **_

"What was that for?" I questioned and Hiei shrugged his shoulders. That wasn't a good enough answer for me, so when he went to walk away, I grabbed him and pulled him into another passionate kiss. It lasted for a minute before we broke apart. I slightly gasped for air while Hiei's hands fisted into my dark crimson dress shirt. His cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyes were gleamed over with lust. I groaned before pulling him back into me for another kiss.

_**Gomenasai **_

_**For everything **_

_**Gomenasai **_

_**Gomenasai **_

_**Gomenasai **_

_**I never needed a friend, **_

_**Like I do now **_

_This was how I was going to apologize. This was my sorry from me to the only person in the world that I want to share my life with. I want to be there when the child is born and I want to be there when the child is growing up. I want to be the father I never got to have. Hiei was my everything, and every though I lost him because of my stupidity and my anger toward myself for letting everyone down, I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never stop loving him. I know that he hates my guts right now, but only makes me want him all the more. If I can prove to him that I am worthy of his time, of his care, then maybe there if a small flicker of hope for us. I just want him to be happy but I don't want to be excluded from it. I love you, Hiei, and one way or another, I will make you realize that. _

_For now, you will have to settle for my kisses as an apology until I can properly say I'm sorry to you._ _I want to apologize for every beating I gave you and for every insult I threw at you. You never deserved any of that and I apologize for it. I want to apologize for not being there when you needed me the most at for not treating you the way you should be treated. I also want to apologize for giving you hard time and for always bringing you down. I apologize for hurting you every chance I got, instead of loving you like I should have been doing; I apologize for ignoring you during I marriage, treating you like you were of little importance to me when in reality, I needed you all that time to get me through whatever life threw at me. I apologize the most for going back on my promises and breaking your heart; I apologize for being me, Hiei. I love you and I apologize for not letting you know it every night before we went to bed and every morning when we got up. I apologize for everything and I will keep apologizing until the end of time. Gomenasai, Hiei, forever and for always._

_**Gomenasai **_

_**I let you down **_

_**Gomenasai **_

_**Gomenasai, **_

_**Gomenasai 'til the end **_

_**I never needed a friend **_

_**Like I do now

* * *

**_

**SingMyLullabySweet666: **Well, that's all for now. Sorry it took so long but I am a busy person you know. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this from Kurama's point of view. It was something new and I really want you to get a feel for what went on inside Kurama's mind.

Anyway, R&R!


	10. Glycerine

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Welcome back everyone! This is chapter 10 of the seemingly never ending story. Lol Anyway, I really do hope you all enjoy it and I'm really sorry for the wait.

**Hiei:** Sure you are……

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I am, really!

**Kurama:** Yeah, we believe you.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Sure you do. You guys are so mean to me.

**Hiei:** Just get on with it, Sing. These people are here to read your stupid ramblings; they're here for the story.

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name. I also do not own the lyrics to the song, Glycerine. They belong to Bush.

**Chapter Warning(s):** Slight angst, swearing, sexual content, verbal abuse.

**Chapter Rating: **M

* * *

_Italic _thoughts

Regular actions and story

**_Bold and Italic_** Lyrics

* * *

**Glycerine**

_(Kurama's POV)_

_He kissed me and he gave me no indication as to why he did it, but by god he kissed me. It wasn't a meek and shy kiss either; it was full blown, on the lips, tongue action, hot, passionate kiss. If only this meant that he forgives me, even if it is only by a fraction. I could live with that, really, I could. To know that the person that you love, your true soul mate, didn't completely hate your guts is probably the most appealing thing in the world. Yet, my mind tells me that he only kissed me because he didn't want my parents or my stepbrother to get suspicious, or something along those lines. I don't want to believe, but it's screaming so loudly inside my head that it's hard to ignore. I want to, oh god to I want to tell it to fuck off, that it was wrong and that Hiei doesn't hate me anymore and that we are on the road to recovery, but I can't. For some reason, a part of me doesn't want to believe that this will end like a fairy tale, like it's supposed to._

_Sometimes, when I lie awake late at night, I get these weird feelings and demented thoughts that run through my head like a stampede of wild horses. I feel fear and anguish seep into my heart and it begins to eat at it until I can feel the tears of despair run down my cheeks. I get the thoughts, like for an example, I was lying awake and just watching Hiei sleep beside me, god did he look like an angel that night. Anyway, a thought popped into my mind that made me fear going to sleep. I thought that if I went to sleep, Hiei would climb out of bed, pack what little is still here at the house, and leave me forever. As the thought ran through my head, it seemed more and more real to me with each passing second that it stayed there. That night I didn't get any sleep for fear that if I did, Hiei, my angel, would disappear into the dark of night forever._

_More time I can count, I wake up in the middle of the night, tears leaking from my eyes and sweat dripping from my skin all because of a nightmare that had plagued my thoughts and entered my conscious. My movement would disturb Hiei and bring him back from the land of dreams and into reality. He would look up at me with those hazy crimson eyes and then after a moment sit up and take a long, hard look at my appearance before asking me if I just had a nightmare. I would answer with a nod and he would sigh and pull me into his arms where I would hold onto him tightly, not wanting to let go. After a while, he would pull away and the turn to go back to sleep. As he falls into dreamland once more, I sit and just stare down at him, watching him sleep. It occasionally calms me down enough so that I may fall back a sleep, but I rarely do. _

_That's how it is tonight; I had awoken from slumber with a troubling thought on my mind. I once more had a nightmare, but this was off another demon taking Hiei hostage and killing him and the child in front of my eyes. Now, I don't want to fall asleep again, I'm too afraid to. As I stare at Hiei's sleeping form, I could feel the sensation of peace creep into my body and I smiled slightly at the feeling for it was always welcomed by my tired and weakening body. He looks like an angel, with his body curled into s fetal position so close to mine. He was so close, so close that I could feel the warmth that radiated off of his small form.

* * *

_

With a sigh, I lift my hand and gently move some of Hiei's bang from his eyes. He moaned and moved closer to my body, all the while pulling the thick blanket tighter around his petty form. A small smile crept onto my lips as I watch his eyes shift under his eyelids, yet he was still lost in oblivion. I lean over a bit and placed a light butterfly kiss onto his plumb cheek before removing my hand from his hair and placing it on his slightly bulging abdomen. He's only a month along in the pregnancy, but you could already feel it growing inside of him. Well, considering that it will only take six months for the child to develop, I'm not surprised at this fact. The thought of becoming a father fascinated me, but the sensation of despair hit me like an ocean wave. I knew that after the child was born and Hiei thought it was old enough, he was going to leave and it hurt to know that this is what it has come to. We walk on egg shells everyday and each time it seems harder and harder to except.

_**It must be your skin that I'm sinking in**_

_**It must be for real cause now I can feel**_

_**And I didn't mind, it's not my kind**_

_**It's not my time to wonder why**_

_**Everything gone white, everything's grey**_

_**Now you're here, now you're away**_

_**I don't want this, remember that**_

_**I'll never forget where you're at**_

As the thought ran through my head, I unconsciously leaned in and kissed Hiei on the mouth and gently coaxed his lips open with my tongue before plunging it into his hot cavern. I heard a sweet moan come from the small demon as he shifted in my arms. Not realizing I had, I ran my right hand up under Hiei's night shirt and gently massaged his back. I felt Hiei stir in my arms but paid no heed to it, for I was so focused on the warmth that Hiei was providing for me. Another moan came from his throat, louder this time. I ran my hand up his smooth back and then back down again. After a moment, I repeated the action once more before resting my hand on the small curve of Hiei's hip. I gently turned Hiei onto his back and then placed my body over his, wanting, no, craving the warmth his small form gave off. I need him, need this, for I felt so empty and cold inside.

I pulled away from the kiss and I felt Hiei's chest rise in a gasp before exhaling with a throaty moan that made me hot on the inside. I felt the blood in my body rush to my nether regions as my shaft began to harden. I paced a gentle kiss on his lips before trailing butterfly kisses from there to his ear where I proceeded to nibble on his earlobe. Hiei unconsciously hissed in what appeared to be pleasure. My lips of pleasurable poison kissed from his earlobe to the junction between his neck and collar bone. A sucked the skin into my mouth and nibble lightly on hit, all the while lifting his nightshirt upwards and exposing his chest and semi-hardened nipples. Hiei groaned in his sleep as I left a nice purplish hickey on his neck. I pulled away from his skin for a moment and smirked at my handiwork before leaning back down and placing a soft butterfly kiss to the middle of his chest. Unconsciously, Hiei turned his head from side to side before resting it facing upward. I chuckled low under my breath, a hint of lust thickening my tone just slightly.

"You taste like sweet, my angel, thought there is a hint of spice to it, like cinnamon and sugar. Delicious." I whispered into his ears, where he responded with a small moan and an arch of the back. I took one of Hiei's nipples into my mouth and sucked it gently, like our child will someday and in-return, I received a groan from those plumb and slightly bruised lips. I moaned in response, letting my angel know that I was enjoying this. My hand gently kneaded Hiei's other nipple, hardening fully.

Sitting back on my legs, I pulled Hiei's shirt, along with my own, off and tossed them to the white, fluffy carpet that lined our bedroom. I placed my body fully atop of his once more and then kissed his wanton lips, moaning in the process. I felt Hiei stir once more under me as his arms lifted upwards and came to rest just a little above his head. A smirk danced on my lips as I pulled away, my angel was really enjoying this, even if he was still asleep. I traced my hand down his chest and to his grey sweat pants. Pulling the string that barely managed to keep the pants on my love's narrow hips, I pushed my hand into them. I traced Hiei's growing erection lightly, causing a shiver and a moan to come from his small frame. As I grasped his erection in my hand and began to slowly move it up and down, I took his left nipple into my mouth. Hiei arched his back and groaned. As I left his nipple I lifted my head and nibble on Hiei's neck, over the hickey that I had left there not long ago.

A gasp and a tug of my hair brought my crashing back down to earth. I lifted my head from Hiei's shoulder and removed my hand from his pants. I turned my now forest green eyes, clouded with lust and need, and stared into Hiei's wide and shocked orbs, though if you looked hard enough, you could see the lust underneath the shock. He stared at me for a moment before glaring and trying to shove me off of him. I sat up over his body so that I was straddling his legs, but I refused to move much further.

_**Don't let the days go by**_

_**Glycerine, Glycerine**_

"What in the hell do you think you're doing, fox?" questioned Hiei as he tried to once more shove me completely off of him. I sat in silence more a moment, too afraid to speak, but more afraid of what he would do if he knew the truth. After ten minutes of not answering, Hiei sighed and sat up as best as he could, even with me still straddling his legs. He looked up into my eyes, demanding that I answer.

"I….." I began but stopped myself. _Do I dare tell him that I was about to make love to him, even though he was still asleep. Doesn't that basically count as rape? What should I tell him? The truth never hurts but then again, a white lie is always better. NO! I can't do that to him. I promised myself that I would never lie to him again. I am a man of my word. Yet, on the other hand, I am a thief and I take what I want and I give nothing back. Then again, that was what I was doing all those years when I was beating him. I should…. I should tell him the truth. _

"I what, Kurama? Finish the fucking sentence." Hiei hissed out. I sighed and climbed off him completely. Moving to sit Indian style on the bed facing him, I stared down at the sheets that were darkened from the night. He waited impatiently for my answer, while glaring at my figure the entire time.

"I just….. Well, you see….. I…… I just wanted warmth." I finally answered, my hands shaking and my body trembling in fear, fear of his reaction to my answer. I felt a smooth hand placed on top of my head, entangling in the locks of crimson before it gripped a handful of hair and pulled…. Hard. With a hiss of pain, my head was brought up so that I could see my angel's eyes. I could tell that he was unpleased with the answer.

"Then you should have turn up the fucking heat instead of molesting me in my sleep you fucking asshole." He hissed out, his eyes hard and cold. A sigh escaped my lips before I reached up and removed, with some effort, Hiei's hand from my hair.

Sitting up straight, I took in a deep breath before saying, "You don't understand Hiei. You don't get it do you. I didn't want that kind of warmth, I wanted…. I wanted your warmth, no, I craved it, haven been for a while now. When you kissed me, the other day at my parent's house, I felt…. I felt so… So alive. You have no idea how much that kiss meant to me. To me, it just wasn't a kiss, but it was a pact. To me it meant that you were beginning to not hate me; you were beginning to forgive me for what I had done. Even though it was just a kiss, it was so much more than that," I paused, taking in a few breaths in order to stop the sobs that were rising to the surface. With a shaky breath I continued, "God, do you have any idea what it's like to have someone completely hate your guts?" A small laugh, "Wait, wrong question to ask. Let me rephrase it, do you have any idea what it's like to love someone so much that it hurts and only to have them glare at you and toss insults at you without so much as a sign that they don't mean it? I know I hurt you Hiei, I know it, Yukina knows it, my mother knows it, hell, even Kuwabara knew it and he's dense. I don't know how to get you understand how sorry I am, I really don't, but that kiss. God, I felt like everything was going to end well.

"Then I had my doubts. I have this voice inside of my head, screaming that you just did it for show. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. I wouldn't know, I'm not a mind reader. I don't want to believe the voice, but it's so loud, like a train whistle, and god…. It's so hard to ignore. It keeps screaming, for hours on end, and the only time it seems to shut up is when I recognize it," I paused, the tightening in my throat making it difficult to continue. I looked up into Hiei's eyes and I can see that he's listening closely to everything that I am saying, and it causes my heart to swell with happiness.

"Kurama, I….." Hiei begins but I silence him with a finger. I raise my stinging emerald eyes to his, and smile weakly.

"I hate recognizing the voice because it means that I do have my doubts and it scares me. I want you by my side forever, but I know that this will not be the case. I….. I don't want it to end, at least not on bad terms. I love you, I really do, but I can't seem to make you understand how much. Hiei, I need the warmth you provide because I feel so cold inside. I feel dead and empty without you and I know I'll feel this way until I die. I know that after the birth of our…. The child, you plan on leaving when you think it's old enough. Well, until then, I plan to show you just how sorry I am, but I still don't want you to leave.

I'm not trying to make you stay, by all means, if you want to leave, then do so, but at least give me a sign if you have forgiven me, even if it's only a little. Just do that for me, okay, that's all I ask of you." I finish with a sob of pain as I lower my eyes into my hands, finally releasing the tears that I had been holding back.

_**I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time**_

_**Are you at one or do you lie?**_

_**We live in a wheel where everyone steals**_

_**But when we rise it's like strawberry fields**_

_**I treated you bad, you bruised my face**_

_**Couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste**_

I can hear you sigh and the bed shifting under your weight as you move in my direction captures my attention. I look up from my hands and stare you in the eyes. I can see pity, but under it all, I can see a light of forgiveness. A small smile dances on the corner of my lips as I pull you into a hug. You sit there for a moment, just letting me hold you before you, too, placed you arms around my neck as I do the same to you, only around you back. A sigh of content escapes my lips along with a sob of loneliness.

"You're so beautiful, Hiei." I whisper into his ear. He pulls away slightly and searches my eyes for any sign that I am lying before his face breaks out into a wide grin.

"Well," He begins, "I try." Laughter erupts from both of us, mine weak and yours lightly. I lean in and place a butterfly kiss to your forehead, over the jagan eye that hides behind the bandana that you constantly wear. Shortly after, I placed a lingering kiss on Hiei's full and still bruised lips, which he responded to within a matter of seconds. The once seemingly innocent peck to the lips was now a hot, emotion fill, passionate kiss. Hiei pushed our bodies closer together, wanting more of the contact. After sometime, I pulled away with a moan at the loss of heat.

"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to." My voice was serious and my stare was hard. Hiei seemed to be thinking for a while before he nod and pulled his body away with a small 'thank you'. It hurt to let him go but I did anyway, after all, I was a man of my word.

"You're too good for me Hiei; you deserve so much more than I can give you." I whispered, ashamed of the truth. Hiei smiled at me before beckoning me to him with a small wave of his finger. When I was lying beside him, my arms wrapped protectively around him, he answered.

"I know, but then again, you do pamper me." I knew it was a lie, of course I don't pamper him, I don't know how to. Though, I was thankful of the offering.

"Liar, but I'll take it." Was my response. Hiei chuckled and then looked up into my eyes for what seemed like the umpteenth time this night.

"You're such an asshole, you know that Kurama?" Hiei stated, placing a hand on my still bear chest.

"I try. You're a prick, but I love you anyway." I answered, smiling in delight. I lifted one of my hands and moved some of his bangs out of his face. Even though it was dark, I could still see the blush that rose to his cheeks, with some help from the moonlight.

"You need a haircut, you know that?" I asked, twisting a stand of hair around my index finger. He frowned in thought for a moment before answering.

"I plan on growing it out. What do you think?"

"You trying to steal my style?" I answered with a question of my own. He smirked playfully before leaning in slightly.

"Maybe."

I leaned as well as he, our lips mere centimeters apart. "Oh really?"

Lean….

"Yeah."

Lean…

"Really?"

"Yeah." Finally, our lips connected in another passionate kiss. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, which he accepted without any hassle. Our tongues danced to a rhythm unheard, each on coaxing the other. My hand cupped Hiei's face cheek, while the other pulled his body closer to mine. Hiei moaned into the kiss, and before I knew it, he had rolled us over so that he was straddling my thighs, though, we never broke the kiss. He pulled away, smiling down at me as he slowly, playfully, rocked his hips back onto mine. As he moaned quietly, I gasp in want and lust. My hands moved themselves to his hips, gripping them and guiding their motion. Hiei leaned down and we proceed to make out, our tongues battling for dominance. I won in the long run and Hiei had showed no sign of complaint. I lifted my hand and placed it on his chest, before gently gliding it over to Hiei's right nipple, tweaking it until it was as hard as it was before. Hiei pulled away and groaned, arching his back while pushing his hips into mine. I answered with a hiss of pleasure and lust, my eyes darkening once more into forest green. My hand stilled and Hiei looked down at me with a frown of disapproval etched onto his beautiful features.

"I'm not going to do this if you're going to regret it. I need to know if you're going to regret this." I asked my voice rich and thick. Hiei smiled at me before kissing me passionately once more.

Moving to my ear, he nibbled on it for a moment before breathlessly whispering, "I won't regret a thing."

_**Don't let the days go by**_

_**Could've been easier on you**_

_**I couldn't change though I wanted to**_

_**Should have been easier by three**_

_**Our old friend fear and you and me**_

_**Glycerine, Glycerine**_

_**Don't let the days go by**_

_**Glycerine**_

_**Don't let the days go by**_

"That makes two of us." I replied before thrusting my hips upwards into Hiei's, a groan escaping those wonderful lips. I repeat the action once more, before rolling us both over so that I was once more on top. Hiei looked up at me with those gorgeous crimson eyes, now darkened from the building lust within him. I leaned my head down and sucked on his nibble, gently biting down every now and then. Hiei gasped and then moaned in pleasure, his back arching in my touch. My eyes looked up at his face, loving his expression as my other hand reached into his pants and began to slowly pump his erection, hardening it more than it already was.

* * *

_(Normal POV)_

Kurama lifted his head, staring into Hiei's cloudy eyes that were filled with want, a smirk on his lips. Kurama's smirked darkened as he coaxed out his claws from his youkai form. Placing them on Hiei's chest, Kurama dragged them along his skin, hard enough to draw thin lines of blood to the surface, but not hard enough to cause pain. Afterwards, Kurama leaned down and licked the blood off, the saliva stinging the wound, causing Hiei to moan. Kurama licked his way down Hiei's abdomen until he reached Hiei's navel. The fox pushed his tongue in and out of the navel, mimicking what was to come. Hiei moaned and shivered in anticipation.

Sitting on the balls of his feet, Kurama made haste with the fire demon's sweatpants, tossing them somewhere in the room to join the shirts on the floor. Hiei lay exposed completely to the fox's gleaming eyes, his erection standing proud. Kurama smirked, before kissing Hiei's abdomen, just above the patch of pubic hair. Kurama sat back once more, reaching out with his long arms and grasping Hiei's strong thighs, gently spreading them wider. Kurama places Hiei's right thigh on his shoulder, nibbling at the exposed flesh, causing Hiei to moan in wanton need.

"Damn it, Kurama! Stop teasing!" Hiei hissed out, his breath hitching in his throat as Kurama took his lengthy erection into his hot mouth. The sensation was mind blowing and it short circuited Hiei's brain, so that all he could do was lay in a compromising position, begging for more.

Kurama moaned in the back of his throat as he took the fire demon all the way to the base. While bobbing his head, Kurama moved a hand up to Hiei's nipple, tweaking and pinching it. Moving his mouth slowly up the shaft, Kurama ran his tongue under the hardened member, licking along the vein that was there, which caused Hiei to wither in pure pleasure, long throaty moans escaping his luscious lips.

"K-Kura….ma….. More…. Oh, god…. Please……" Hiei groaned out, his hips rising off the mattress to meet the hot suction around his shaft. Kurama gently gripped Hiei's hips, holding them to the mattress as he moved up the shaft once more, licking the slit, before lowering his head agonizingly slowly to the base before repeating the action again.

Hiei's left hand entangled itself in the long crimson hair, pulling at the stands, begging the owner to more, but all he got in reply was a moan and an even slower pace. Hiei wined out, his abdomen tightening unbelievable, wanting to snap but not giving way. Kurama smirked around the member in his mouth before he gently ran his teeth over the member. Licking the slit on the head of the shaft once more, Kurama pulled away with a wet 'pop'. Moving up his lover's body, Kurama began to kiss Hiei with all the love and lust that had been kept inside him for so long. After several minutes of the passionate kiss, Kurama pulled away, allowing Hiei's small body to gasp for air greedily.

"Tell me, my angel. Tell me what it is that you want." Kurama purred into Hiei's ear. Hiei shivered, his small body withered in want and need.

"I….." Hiei began, but moaned as Kurama circled his entrance with a pre-come cover finger.

"Go on," Kurama said, "Tell me what you want." Kurama pushed his finger against Hiei's puckered entrance but refused to push it passed the tight ring. Hiei groaned and thrust his hips downwards, hoping to take the appendage in but Kurama moved his hand away in order to prevent it from doing so.

Finally, Hiei snapped, "GOD, WILL YOU FUCK ME ALREADY!"

Kurama's face light up with a wicked smirk before he ruthlessly shoved his finger into Hiei's accepting body. Hiei arched his back and cried out from the sting of the finger forcing its way into his body, but the pleasure he receive made the small pain worth it. Kurama slowly, experimentally, wiggled his finger inside of Hiei's tight entrance, loosening it further and finding what it was looking for. Hiei's mouth opened in a breathless moan, his back rising as far as it could go. The smirk never left Kurama's face as he relentlessly forced his finger against Hiei's sweet spot, making the small demon moan in lust, his body thrashing from the assault. When Kurama thought Hiei was loose enough, he entered a second finger, followed by the third.

"So…. So good….. Oh…… Fuck me!" cried Hiei as he thrust his body on to the three appendages. Kurama leaned down pulled Hiei into a kiss. While he distracted the fire demon, Kurama removed his three fingers from the still tight pucker, causing Hiei to moan at the loss. Quickly, and without hesitation, Kurama push the head of his thick member past the fire demons tight ring of muscle. Hiei threw his head back into the stain covered pillow, his mouth releasing a long moan. Kurama, in return, answered with a groan of his own as he placed his head on Hiei's shoulder.

"Take all or slowly?" questioned Kurama, the words broken by shaky breaths and throaty moans. Hiei wrapped his legs around the fox's waist before pulling Kurama to him, which forced Kurama's member into him until he met the base. The entrance was swift, which cause Hiei to tear slightly, the stinging pain mixed with the searing pleasure, causing a perfect balance between the two.

Kurama pulled Hiei up into his lap as he sat back onto the bed. Cautiously, Kurama trusted his hips upwards, causing Hiei to bow his head and moan. This carried on for three more trusts, before Hiei began to meet Kurama's trusts half-way. They began to move faster, one trusting upwards while the other trusted down. Soon, their paced began to pick up speed until Hiei was basically bouncing on Kurama's lap.

"Fuck….. Kurama…." Hiei cried, the pain and pleasure began to drive him wild. The tightening in his stomach pulled tighter until it felt as if he would exploded soon if he didn't release. Kurama smirked, before he firmly planted his feet on the plush carpet. Standing on his feet, Kurama continued to trust vigorously into his partner, all the while backing Hiei into the closest wall. As Hiei's back slammed against the wall, my shaft was pulled in as deep as it could go. Kurama and Hiei both moaned in sync with one another, the union of their bodies was sending them deeper into the void of pleasure. Pushing Hiei's legs up against his chest, Kurama began to use his full weight to trust into his lover's tight heat.

The feeling of the shaft growing inside of him made Hiei open his eyes that he had unconsciously closed. Nearly black lustful eyes met cat-like golden-yellow. Long silver hair cascaded over broad shoulder, tickling the outsides of Hiei's thighs. Two fox-like ears sat upon the head, signifying the change that had just accord.

"Y-Youko!" Hiei howled as the force of the trust caused his hips to snap back against the wall and forward again.

"You….. are so….. tight…. Firefly….." hissed Youko as he pounded into his mate's body with remorse or concern of injury. Leaning in, Youko kisses Hiei passionately, stealing away his breath, which cause the demon to see stars. Youko braced one hand against the wall and the other drifted lower until it circled the fire demon's hard shaft. Matching his hand to his trust, Youko had Hiei crying out in release within the matter of two trusts. Hiei's cum splattered onto Youko's chest, as well as Hiei's Youko came within his mate's body a millimeter of a second after Hiei, howling out in his own release. Trusting twice more into Hiei's body, Youko collapsed against Hiei and the wall, using it as a support to hold both of them up. Small kisses were planted on the other's lips during the afterglow.

_**Glycerine, Glycerine**_

_**Glycerine, Glycerine**_

Lifting his head from his mate's shoulder, Youko's eyes stared long and hard into Hiei's crimson orbs. A small smile came to his face as he found the strength to stand on his own two feet. Walking the back towards the bed, his softened member still embedded within Hiei's tight heat, Youko laid them down on the soft mattress, Hiei on top. Hiei groaned as Youko pulled his member from his body. Hiei sat up with little strength and looked down at Kurama's youkai form.

"It's been awhile, fox." Hiei stated as he sat up straight, using the fox's stomach as a seat. A low rumble came from the fox's chest as he chuckled, his golden eyes glimmering in mischievous.

"It has, firefly. You don't mind, do you? I only wanted to come out and….. play." Youko purred, running his hands up and down Hiei's sides.

"I wasn't expecting it. You haven't come out to play, as you call it, in a while." Hiei retorted, a small smile on his lips.

"I like to make an entrance." Youko purred again, the hidden meaning behind the statement causing the fire demon to blush slightly.

"You're a pervert." Hiei snorted, the blush darkening.

"I do believe you're blushing, firefly."

"I am not." Hiei protested.

"Then what do you call the reddening over your cheeks?" Youko questioned, causing the said demons cheeks to darken once more.

"I'm overheated!"

"Right, firefly. And here I thought you were a fire demon. How stupid of me." Youko chuckled, his eyes shining brilliantly with the little game he had started.

"Shut up, stupid fox. And stop calling me that!" Hiei whined in protest, lightly hitting the fox's chest with his fist.

"What?" countered Youko.

"Don't play stupid with me, you perverted fox!" Hiei growled, not liking that he had fallin' right into the fox's little trap.

"What ever do you mean….. firefly?" purred Youko, the sound thick and sensational.

"That! Don't call me that!" hissed Hiei, his frustration mounting.

"What? Firefly?"

"YES!"

"And why not?" questioned Youko.

"Because it's stupid and I resemble nothing of a fly." Hiei stated, glaring down at the demon underneath him as he heard and felt the demon's chuckle. "What, may I ask, is so funny?"

"You, firefly. Your answers amuse me to no end. I could sit here and listen to you talk for all eternity." Laughed Youko as he sat up, Hiei still in his lap. The fire demon's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "I love it when you blush, baby. It makes you look so innocent and fuckable."

"1) I don't think fuckable is a word; 2) I am not, I repeat, NOT blushing, you stupid fox; and 3) Don't ever call me baby again or I'll gut you like a fish, am I understood?" Hiei growled, his eyes narrowing in false anger. Youko howled with laughter, hugging the smaller demon to his rather large, as in tall, frame.

"You are too good for me, you know that? Too good." Youko said, his eyes glimmering in the pale moonlight. Hiei's eyes widen at the words, for they were the same words used by Shuichi when he was apologizing to him. As Youko's laughter died off, the fox could sense that something was off with his mate. Looking deep into the demon's eyes, he could see the sadness and anger in them, but the emotion that clearly stood out among the others was uncertainty. Under the pale moonlight, it looked as if the fire demon was ready to cry, which caused Youko's heart to well with concern and pity as a thought came to him.

_**Bad moon white again**_

_**Bad moon white again**_

_**As she falls around me**_

"He means what he says, firefly, so do not doubt his words anymore. I know that that is what you are thinking about. Trust me, he means every word he speaks to you. You should hear him some of the times, beating himself up because he is worried of what you might do when he wants to tell you something. This fear holds him back from telling you what he really wants to say, so in a way, he twists the truth sometimes, but none-the-less, it is still the truth he speaks to you. Shuichi loves you, Hiei, and do not doubt it when he tells you. He's trying to change, believe me, he is." Youko stated, holding Hiei close to his body the entire time. He could feel the demon's form shake in repressed sobs.

"I," Hiei began, "I want to believe him, I really do, Youko, but I can't. I'm too afraid to. I don't want him to hurt me anymore. I mean, I have a baby to worry about now, I have no time to worry about if this relationship is going to work out. I love him…. By god, I love him with all my heart, but it's too hard. I don't my child to be in harms way, I don't. Youko, you have to understand where I am coming from! I have been let down by everyone and I'm quite sick of it! For the love of god, I'm sick of being beaten, of being let down, of…. Of being ignored. I just wanted affection, but after he came back from juvy, he was a total ass! I'm sorry Youko, I can't! I just can't!" cried Hiei, tears now leaking from his eyes. Youko sighed, his own golden orbs mirroring the sadness that the other felt.

"You know, firefly, that, in demon terms, we are bonded." Youko stated, his voice dry.

Hiei's eyes caught his, crimson glaring into emotionless gold. A moment of silence went by before Hiei answered with "Yes."

"For life." Youko said, his voice the same dry tone he had used before. Hiei glared, hate rising to the surface.

"Yes…." The word was hissed out with such hate laced to it that you would one would was never capable of that strong of emotion.

"You do know that the child within you is a part of Shuichi and if you break the bond, the child is, by demon terms, legally his to take." Youko asked, his voice dry with a cold edge to it.

"Just what the hell are you getting at fox?" hissed Hiei, his voice as cold as a glacier.

"I'm saying that you can't escape Hiei. I know you don't want to be here, but the child will bind you here. There is no escaping this," Youko sneered, "Firefly." Hiei shivered, the word was spoken with such malice that it chilled the fire demon to the bone.

"You're wrong! You're fucking wrong, you god damn bastard! Shuichi would never hold me here against my will. He wouldn't hold the child against me, either. You're a fucking liar fox!" Hiei hissed, struggling to get out of the fox's grasp. They struggled more a moment before Hiei was finally able to pull himself free. Pushing away from the fox, Hiei now stood on the carpet with the thick blanket wrapped around his body.

"Oh really? Who said he wouldn't do it?" hissed Youko, his eyes narrowed in rage. He, too, stood up from the bed, eyes glaring down at the fire demon.

"Shuichi gave his consent for me to leave. You fucking, good for nothing, bas-…" Hiei was stopped mid-sentence when he felt the stinging sensation of a slap against his cheek. Wide, shocked eyes stared into satisfied gold.

"You will learn to hold you tongue around me, least I rip it out," Youko paused, waiting for a sign of protest but got none. He continued, "Good. Now get this through your head, you little whore, I am your master, your mate. You will treat me with the up most respect. I own you, god damn it!"

"You own nothing, you fucking bastard!" Hiei howled, his eyes narrowed in pure rage.

_**I needed you more when we wanted us less**_

_**I could not kiss, just regress**_

_**It might just be clear simple and plain**_

_**Well that's just fine, that's just one of my names**_

Youko's eyes narrowed further in anger, if that was even possible. He raised a clawed hand to strike Hiei's cheek once more but was stopped when a sudden wave of pain coursed through his body. Clutching his chest, Youko fell to his knees before Hiei. The feeling of being ripped into two caused the fox demon to howl in pure pain.

"SHUICHI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? STOP! STOP THIS AT ONCE!" Youko screamed at the top of his lungs. Hiei's eyes widen in surprise as his eyes met one golden and one emerald green. Youko's hair was turning from the mesmerizing silver to the unruly crimson of his human counter part.

"S-Shuichi…. You're saving me? Wh-why?" Hiei asked himself more than anyone else. He stared at the other demons body, which was now covered in a thin sheet of sweat. Groans and hisses of pain were coming from the withering body before him. Hiei covered his ears as a particularly excruciating scream was torn from the pale lips before all was heard was panting. Kneeing before him, weak and in pain, was Shuichi, the Shuichi he knew and loved.

"Shuichi?" came Hiei's questioning voice, wanting know if it was really Kurama…. The true Kurama.

"Are…. Are… you…. Are you injured?" questioned a tired and weak Kurama, his voice laced with pain. Hiei sobbed in relief before rushing to the kneeling form in front of him. Kneeling next to the fox, Hiei placed a hand lightly on his shoulder.

"No," Hiei began, "He only slapped me. You stopped him before he could do anything else."

"You mean….** I** slapped…. You." Kurama stated, raising his tired and empty emerald eyes to Hiei's. Hiei shook his head, smiling weakly.

"No. That wasn't you…" Hiei started but was stopped by a strong glare from Kurama.

"NO! It was me, regardless of what you say!" Kurama growled, his voice as cold as it was when he was Youko. Shaking Hiei's hand from his shoulder, Kurama stood up and stumbled towards the bed. As he reach the mattress, Kurama threw himself onto it where he proceeded to pass out. Hiei looked worriedly at the form lying on the bed, before heaving a sigh and un-wrapping the blanket from his small form. Walking over to the bed, he placed the thick cover over the other's body, before climbing in next to him. As Hiei lied down, he stared hard into the other's back.

"No…. Kurama…. It wasn't you." Hiei mumbled before he, too, passed out from exhaustion.

_**Don't let the days go by**_

_**It could've been easier on you, you, you**_

_**Glycerine, Glycerine**_

_**Glycerine, Glycerine

* * *

**_

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, that's it for now. I really hoped you enjoyed this. It took me two days, 15 pages, and lots of thinking to write. It was all worth it, I think. Not what you were expecting at the end, huh? Anyway, R&R please!


	11. Turning Tides

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Hello my lovely readers and thank you for being patient for my update…. At least I hope you were. It's been about five months and I know you are all mostly likely upset with me for not updating sooner but I was at after school rehearsals for Laramie Project and doing a project that's due in two weeks. However, Spring Break is almost here and I will be working hard to update all of my stories then… For now, please enjoy Chapter 11.

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name. No song this time… Sorry.

**Chapter Warning(s):** Angst, swearing, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, slight gore.

**Chapter Rating:** M

* * *

_Italics_/thoughts

**Bold**/Change of POV and Title

Regular/story

* * *

**Turning Tides**

**(Hiei's POV)**

_It's all I can do from tearing myself from the covers and running away, from him, from those monsters within him, from everything. I can't help it. I don't know what happened last night but…. I-I can't do that again. Those words, they have never been so cold, so emotionless before. It burned through my barrier and attacked my heart without mercy. I know it wasn't Kurama who was speaking, I know that…. Damn it! What the hell went wrong? Everything was going fine until that fox came out and after that all went to hell. He stared at me as if I was nothing more than a toy; spoke to me like I was lower than filth. His eyes…. So cold….. So empty. It was like staring at a void that could swallow you up if you stared to long. For once, since the beatings, I was afraid. Frightened for my life, for my child….. I thought he would have killed me if Shuchi hadn't intervened. I've never seen Youko lose control like that and truthfully, I hope it never happens again. Cause if it does, I don't think one of us will make it out alive._

Sighing, I slowly sit up and look down at him, my eyes calculating every move, every twitch his muscular body makes. _Sometimes I don't know why I let him overpower me, why I let him beat me but something inside me couldn't fight back. Something in me said that I deserved the pain and the self-loathing. I wish I could kill whatever was inside me that had said that._ _Alas, I can't. _

Moving ever so slowly, I climb out of the oversized bed and shiver as my feet met the cold wooden flooring of my bedroom. I use my arms to push me up and cringe as Shuichi rolled over in the bed, moaning once before falling silent once more. A puff of relief left my chest and I tipped toed out of the room, wondering the whole way why I was so scared to make a sound. Was it because of last night? Was I really that afraid of the one I vowed my life to? Was it that ,or was it something different, an old reaction of old ways, an old habit? I wish I had the answer to that.

Creeping down the hall, I walked and into the guest bedroom I sighed once more, from what, I didn't have a clue. I guess I was just glad that I hadn't wakened the beast, the bastard that had caused me so much pain in my life. _Then again, what right do I have to call him a bastard. I let him do this to me. I let him hold me down and kick the living shit out of me. I let him hit me and rape me…. Though you can't call it that, I am his mate after all. I'm supposed to give him what he wants no matter how much I hate it and despise it. I'm supposed to submit. That's my job. That's my miserable life._

Looking up into the large mirror on the other side of the room, I cringe at the handprint that deemed itself worthy of marring my face. Over the night it had begun to turn a hard blackish-blue with blots of angry red. Unconsciously, I reached a hand up and touched the bruise not caring that a sting of pain washed over my cheek. Once more, the rush of anger and hatred washed over me like a tidal wave and I felt myself overflowing. I had to do something, anything to get rid of this anger, this rage. The only way I saw fit was teach that piece of shit in the other room a lesson.

Without realizing what I was doing, I grabbed the belt from the chair next to me and stormed out of the room. Stomping down the hall, I reached my room. My breaths were coming in pants of rage and hate, my eyes dilated to the size of a pen tip, and my hand clenched the weapon so hard that my knuckles began to turn white. A growl tore from my lips and before I knew what was happening, I had thrown open the door and locked eyes with a startled Kurama. He looked at me, then to the belt, then back at me. The shirt he had been holding dropped from his hands so lifelessly it looked as if it was falling in slow motion. His eyes went from startled to blank and he just continued to stare into my dilated eyes with those emotionless ones and it began to piss me off further.

I slowly crept closer and closer to Kurama, who neither flinched nor backed away. He just stood there, rooted to that spot with a look of nothingness on his face. Not a twitch, not a sudden breathe, nothing. It pissed me off even more. Suddenly, the sound of a crack of skin echoed in the air and those eyes flickered briefly with pain before returning the emotionless state they had been in. It angered me even further and I raised the weapon once more, bring it down faster and harder than the last strike, and once more, the sound of leather meeting skin bounced off the walls and danced trough me head. Once more did those eyes flicker with brief pain before returning to nothing.

These actions carried on the same way, my strikes becoming faster and harder with each strike, more frantic to relieve myself of my anguish, of my pain. It had never crossed my mind as to what exactly I was doing, who I was hitting, that I was doing the same thing to him that he had done to me. He just stood there and took it, eyes never wavering from mine, never showed more than a flicker of pain. Suddenly, the belt wasn't enough. I needed to hurt him more, make him suffer as I did.

The sound of the belt meeting the floor never registered in my mind. The fact that I had grabbed his keys from the dresser and attacked him with them never hit me. The fact that a flash of panic flashed through those eyes a moment before I cut into his skin, tearing it open with the keys never reached my senses. None of it registered until after the fact had happened. By then, it was too late to stop my self and I let loose. Cutting at every inch of expose skin imaginable. I wanted this to hurt. I wanted him to suffer. He did. With every slash I made to his skin, he cringed and backed away. He whimpered in pain, pleaded for me to stop, begged me with tear ridden eyes, fought back and lost. It was useless however because all went to deaf ears and blind eyes. All I had cared about at that moment was causing someone else the same amount of pain that had been done onto me.

It wasn't until the fact that I had cried out and pushed his as hard as I could, causing him to smack against the wall hard enough to lose air and then fall to the floor, meeting it with a sickening crack. . It wasn't until the fact that his eyes had dilated with pain and his chest heaved for air that would not come. It wasn't until the tears spilled from his eyes and the first thing he did once the air came back into his lungs was a heartbreaking sob. It wasn't until a sharp pain had come from my abdomen did I stop, until I fell to my knees from fatigue and pain. It wasn't until then that I had registered what I had just done.

Letting the blood stained keys drop from my hands, I placed my head in them and tried to wipe away the tears, tried to come up with a reason as to why I had lost it. Nothing came though except the tears. Looking up from my hands I stared at his curled up form, feeling a wave of nausea wash over me as I stared at his broken and bleeding form. He was bleeding from various places on his arms, torso, and face, some hardly bleeding and others gushing blood. His arm looked as if it was limp and lifeless, most likely I had dislocated it when he hit the ground. His other arm was covering his face and you could hear the muffled sobs as he cried away his pain. Cried because of me, because I couldn't control my anger, my hatred.

We stayed like that for a while, Kurama laying so still and in pain, and me on my knees waiting for the brief pain to leave. When it did, I climbed to my feet and moved to go over to Kurama before changing my mine. _The bastard deserves this. He deserves so much more than this! All I did was hit him and cut him a few times. Nothing critical, nothing worth beating myself up over. He did this to me so it's only right that I do it back. The bastard deserves to spend an eternity in Hell but I'm too nice to kill him, just yet. Fucking prick can lie there and wallow in his filth for all I care. _

With those thoughts in mind, I turned away from him, wanting to get as far away from him and this room as possible. Before leaving, I left him with one more thought to ponder, to grief over. My lips, moving on their own accord, whispered, "I hate you."

As I walked down the stairs, my feet paused as the sobs that had been muffled grew louder, even though they still sounded muffled. My heart clinched at the sound but I ruthlessly ignored it before moving to the guest bedroom to shower and wash away the blood. I never heard my bedroom door shut. I never heard the sobs of pain turn to hysteria shouts and screams of anguish. All I heard was the running of the shower and the soothing sounds of the water splashing against the tub, sounding so much like rain. Sighing, I stripped off my night pants and climbed into the shower, feeling cleaner than I had when the water hit me.

When I felt clean, I had turned off the steaming water and climbed back out of the shower which was some thirty minutes later by my estimate. Quickly towing myself off, I wiped the fog from the mirror before taking in the bruise on the side of my face. This time, nothing came to me, no emotion, no hatred, nothing. I smiled before stepping out of the bathroom, followed by the steam, and quickly walked back to my bedroom. Upon entering, I stopped in my tracks for a split moment. Kurama was curled up in the far corner, staring blankly at the legs of the king sized bed from Hell, tear stains marring his features, his half naked body still bleeding. He neither moved nor made any motion or sound as to recognize me as I entered the room. Ignorantly, I rolled my eyes, telling myself that he was acting childish and all I had done was rough him up a bit. Denial is bliss, is it not.

Ignoring his huddled form, I went about picking out clothing from my closet. Grabbing nothing special, I threw on a pair of grey sweat pants and a white hoodie. Again, nothing special. Walking into my bathroom, I brushed out my growing black locks and quickly brushed my teeth, the same human routine as it has been for the past few years. When I walked back out of my bathroom, I decided to make the bed, figuring that the traumatized Kurama wasn't going to get off his useless ass and do it.

When I was finished with that, I sat down on the freshly made bed and stared at the huddled figure on the floor. My heart clenched and my head swam as the action that had just taken place no more than a few hours ago. A small part of me smiled at what had taken place, enjoyed it and embraced it, wishing it would have more often. The other, larger, part of me was disgusted with myself for what I had done. It reasoned with me that I had only caused the same pain that he had caused to me, that I had become the monster and he became the helpless victim. The smaller part reasoned that he deserved it and that he shouldn't have done it to me, that payback was a bitch. The larger part called me a monster and it won the fight with that.

Sighing, I twiddled my thumbs as Kurama's blank stare began to make me feel uncomfortable. It looked as if he was dead, as if he was truly broken like I had been. Looking away from the pitiful sight I began to battle with myself as to whether or not to leave him there or to call Yukina and explain to her as to what had happened. She would be angry, of course, but she would know what to do. After all, she is the reason why I came back.

"Kurama……." I began, finally deciding to help him and if necessary, call Yukina to help me. Hopefully it wouldn't have to come to that. I still refused to look at him, the sight of him making me sick once more. I continued, "Kurama get up."

Nothing reaches my ears. Not the sound of reselling, not the sound of acknowledgement, nothing. Forcing myself to look at him, I cringe. He looked….. like me. A scary thought. What had I done to him?

"Come on Kurama, get up. This is stupid….." I said, trying to find some words of comfort but nothing came to mind and there was no way in hell I was going to apologize to the poor bastard.

After a few minutes of nothing happening, I let loose, saying anything that came to mind.

"Damn Kurama, you're acting like a fucking baby. All I did was rough you up a little. For Christ sake, this is pathetic. Do you have any idea what the hell you look like from my view? You look……. You look pathetic! You did way more to me and I got back on my feet, only to have you knock me down again. I never sat in one fucking corner all day and you sure as hell won't. I won't let you. You fucking pussy.What right do you have to wallow in self-pity or whatever the fuck you're feeling? Huh? I went through hell and back quit a few times because of you and I lose control once and what do you do? You fucking crumble like a pathetic little puppy that got kicked by its master. If I hadn't been pregnant then you would be in a world of hell right now. You're lucky the baby stopped me because I might have killed you! That's what you deserve! So, I tell you one more god damn time to get the fuck up! If you don't, so help me…….." and as soon as the rage came, it ended.

I looked up at Kurama who had fresh tears in his eyes, a look of anguish in his eyes, and as I stood up, he flinched away, for what, I don't know. It hurt though. Having him flinch away from me when for so long it was me….. I **had** become the monster and for some reason, a part of me was alright with that. Kurama had curled in on himself so tightly that he looked as if he was a roly-poly. The thought was almost amusing.

With those words, I left the room and then the house altogether. I couldn't stand being there for another moment. It was only going to cause me to crack, to lose it once more and this time, I don't think my baby could stop me from finishing the job. So, as I walked the desolate road to my sister's house, I kept my mind on everything except Kurama and the event that had happened. The words I said and the emotional and physical pain I had caused.

Sighing, my lungs burned with the icy air and for a moment, I had wanted to die out in the cold. Chuckling softly to myself, I realized I had been so wrapped up in anguish and pain that I hadn't realized what was going on in the outside word. I shrugged my shoulders carried onward.

As time passed by me slowly, the air around me got icier to the touch and my lungs burned at the freezing air. I sighed and used minimum power to heat the air around me to a comfortable temperature. I picked up my pace some, wanting to get to Yukina's quickly. I needed her comfort, her warm smile and her big heart. I needed someone to hear my story, to hear and see my pain and frustration.

In no time, I had arrived at her house and without even knocking or ringing the bell, I let myself in. Toeing my shoes off at the front door, I strolled through the house, searching through every room for my sister and vowing that is Kuwabara was touching her in any way that I was going to kill him. Finally, I came upon the last room, the bedroom, and listened closely from the other side of the closed door for any signs of 'foul play'. Hearing soft humming from the other side I deemed it safe to walk in and as soon as the door opened, I came face to face with my sister.

Yukina blinked for a moment, taking in my appearance and the shock of seeing me before smiling and taking me into her arms. I gladly accepted her hug. We stood like that, in each other's embrace for a few moments before I pulled away.

"What are you doing here Nissan?" her gentle voice cooed as she walked towards the kitchen with me hot on her heels.

"I had to get out for a while. I just needed some air." I lied. She looked back at me, studying me with those scrutinizing eyes before nodding. I know she had seen the bruise but knowing her, she wouldn't ask about it unless I brought up the subject first. That's how she was. Always caring but never nosy. I loved that quality about her, then again I loved everything about her. She was my twin after all.

"May I make you some hot chocolate or something?" Yukina asked, rummaging through the cupboards for the chocolate powder and two mugs. Not answering, I sat down at the island, keeping my gaze on my fingers and tried to gather my thoughts. My concentration was broken however when a cup on brown, steaming liquid slid into my gaze. Finally looking up, I met Yukina's worried gaze, her eyes left mine to stare at the bruise for a moment before connecting with mine once more.

"What wrong Hiei?" she asked. I didn't know if I could tell her but I had to tell someone, I felt as if I was going to explode from my emotions.

"I…. I hurt Kurama today…."

Her eyes showed no surprise, nothing and they reminded me of Kurama's and I finally broke down, spilling everything. What I had done. What I felt. How much I loved causing the bastard pain and how much a small part of me wanted kill him. She listened intently, never interrupting even if I paused. Her gaze never showed anger, never judged. She sat there and held my hands as I spilled it all, as I told her the hateful words I had uttered when I left the room. How I ignored him when I returned. What I said and how I made him cry, how I made him flinch. Nothing was safe. By the time I was done, the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon and snow had begun to gentle fall from the heavens above.

"Hiei…….." she didn't get to say anything else as Kuwabara walked in through the front door and rather loudly announced that he was home. His smile quickly dropped from his face as his eyes fell on me.

"What the hell are you doing here shrimp?" he asked as he walked over to Yukina and kissed her fully on the lips. My eye twitched from my restraint to smack the baka over the head for the action due to the smile on Yukina's face.

"Kuwabara, be nice. Hiei came over for a visit and we got to talking." Yukina life and I was thankful for it. Kuwabara snorted at the comment but let it go. He looked over at me and his eyes landed on the bruise on the side of my face straight away. A brief flash of pity crossed over those eyes before it disappeared. Yukina's sweet voice brought him back to reality, "Why don't you drive Hiei home for me."

"WHAT!!!" we said in together. _That was certainly unexpected._ I thought as I rapidly shook my head know and began to say something but a glare from Yukina kept my mouth shut.

"Hiei, you **will** let Kuwabara drive you home and you **will not** complain about it, do you understand me. You are pregnant and you **shouldn't** be exerting yourself. Do I make my self clear?" Yukina said and that had been it. I didn't complain. I got my shoes on, gave her a hug and left. Back to my prison, back to my hell. Then again, that's all I've ever had, and all I ever will.

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**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, that's all for now. I hope you all liked it. Again, sorry that I did put any song lyrics in this time. I just couldn't find a good enough song. Anyway, I know that that was **not** what you were expecting but it throws a nice plot twist in there doesn't it. I hope you enjoyed it. Review please!


	12. Broken

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well now…. It's been four months now and I'm just getting around to updating this story…. OMG! I need to learn to balance my time better. Anyway, I now give you Chapter 12….. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name. No song this time… Sorry.

**Chapter Warning(s):** Angst, mild swearing, and slight gore

**Chapter Rating:** T for Teen

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_Italics_/thoughts

**Bold**/Change of POV and Title

Regular/story

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**Broken**

**(Kurama's POV)**

_What did I do? Why are you so angry? Did I sleep wrong; did I mumble in my sleep? Was it the way I moved while deep in slumber, or was it just my form that angered you so? Was I thrashing about like a wild animal? Was I sweating from my nightmares? _

_What did I do wrong?Did I scream in my sleep? Did I hurt you? Roll over too quickly? Hog the covers throughout the night? Was I bad bed mate as well? Did I displease you with the way I sleep? Did I snore during the night? Take up too much room? Did I make you feel something unwanted; make you uncomfortable?_

_Please, tell me what I did to anger you so! Did I move too much in my sleep? Did I lash out? Did I suffocate you? Was it my hair that bothered you? I'll cut it all off if you like. Did I touch you by mistake? I tried to stay on my side, I swear! Was it just me being there, near you, in the same bed as? Is that it? I'll sleep in the guest bedroom from now on, I promise. I'll sleep on the couch downstairs if you like. I'll even sleep on the ground in the basement just to give you comfort. _

_Hiei, just tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it. Tell me why you beat me and I won't do it again, I promise! I swear it on my life, on our child that I will not anger you so once more. Just tell me! Please, I need to know what I did wrong!_

_Was it my annoying sobs that bother you so? Do I cry too much? I'll stop! I'll become the best dead person there is. I won't cry anymore, promise. Is that why you hit me? Cut me? Killed me? Is it? I promise not to do those things anymore. I don't deserve to, right? Is that why it's wrong for me to cry? Because I don't deserve to, right? I'm not allowed. It would by hypercritical for me to cry. I hit you when you cried, because it was annoying and I didn't like the sound, so I had to make you shut up somehow. Is that what you're doing to me? Are you trying to teach me a lesson? I won't disappoint you again. I won't cry. Swear it! I'll be a good demon and not anger you again. _

_I won't scream anymore. I won't cry! I won't shed any tears or let go of any sobs. I'm not allowed to. Demons aren't allowed to do those things. I'll be nicer too, you'll see. I'm make you so happy…so happy…… happy………_

_Is that why you're angry? Do I make you that unhappy to be around? Am I that bad, am I? Well, I'll change that too. I'll do anything and everything within my power to make you so happy, you could fly. I'll change everything about me just to make you smile, just to make you the happiest demon alive. I'll become everything I'm not just to make you laugh. I promise to never get on you're nerves again. I'll do whatever you ask, alright? _

_This is my personal vowel to you, I'll forget about everything I stand for and everything I am just to make you happy. _

_I promise…… _

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**(Hiei's POV)**

As the car came to a slow, rolling stop, I turn to the idiot and thank him for the right home. He waves me off with a playful smile before telling me to go rest for a while. I nod and climb out of the vehicle before walking up to my front door. Taking a deep breath, I grasp the handle and open the door. I felt a shiver run my spine as I entered the house.

_This place is so quiet… I'm afraid to even breathe least I disturb something. It isn't even a tranquil feeling! Just feels dirty somehow, like an eerie feeling you get when something is horribly wrong. Kurama should be here so I should hear something, but everything is so silent. What the hell? _

After pulling off my shoes, I walk through the rooms, looking for any signs that Kurama was still home. All I found on the top floor was a sign that Kurama had moved from his spot and had gotten dressed, that's it. As I made my way down the wooden staircase, I finally heard a small ding. It was faint but in all this silence it sounded like a train was coming through. Sighing in bliss or relief, whatever it was, I walked towards the kitchen just as Kurama made his appearance…. I froze.

Kurama looked… I don't know how to describe it but he looked… different. He was dressed in a pair of tan khaki pants and a white button up shirt, which wasn't at all unusual…. No, it was something else. It could have been the fact that it looked like Kurama hadn't even bothered to bandage his wounds, considering the amount of blood that was starting to sink through the white fabric. Even his hands were stilled caked in drying and fresh blood.

_I don't understand. Normally after a fight, Kurama would clean his wounds first, even if it's a shitty job…. But this…This is different. It's like he doesn't even care about his wounds, doesn't care about the fact that they're still bleeding. This isn't like him at all…Something's wrong, I don't know what, but something is definitely off. _

Taking another step into the kitchen, I paused. I watched as Kurama grabbed the tea kettle off the stove and place it on the cutting board before going to the cabinet to fetch a cup. As he spun towards the cabinet, he caught sight of me and stopped what he was doing. Everything fell silent again and for a brief moment, I felt a tinge of fear crawl its way into my stomach. Kurama nodded slightly to me before continuing to get a cup from the cabinet. Once he had what he wanted, he proceed to pour himself a cup of tea, or at least I though it was for him before he tried to hand the cup over to me, which I took after the seventh time he offered it.

'_What the hell is going on?' _was all that came to mind about the whole situation. I walked over to the kitchen island and sat down, pushing the cup of tea off to the side. Kurama looked at the cup of tea for a moment before looking back at me.

"Don't you want the tea?" he questioned, his voice sounding as if he was trying to be sweet, but to my ears it came out dead.

None of this was making any sense to me whatsoever! So it was only logical that my only reply was, "What?"

"Is it too hot? I could place it in the fridge for a moment. Or is it not hot enough? I let it heat to the right temperature, right? I did as the instructions said, I promise! I'm sorry; I should have asked you how you like it… I only want you to be…."

"Kurama! Enough about the fucking tea! I don't want any tea, so stop already! Fuck!" I growled as I hit the island with my closed fist. Kurama's body jerked with surprise from the outburst but did nothing more. He quickly grabbed the tea and pulled it towards him, his eyes still focused on me.

"I could get you something else to drink. What do you want? There's tea, though you already know that, and there's some water. I believe I made some lemonade the other day. We also have some sodas if you're interested. I could make you something, like a smoothie or a milkshake. How about that? Do you want a choc……?"

"Will you shut the fuck up? You're not making any sense! Damn it Kurama, what the hell is wrong with you?" I yelled, causing Kurama to knock over the cup of tea. The sound of it shattering against the floor barely registered in my mind as I glared at Kurama. He looked shocked for a moment before he lowered his eyes to the mess on the floor. His eyes widen before he quickly fell to his knees in a panic, dragging the trash can over to him while in motion.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad…. I'll clean this up. I promise. It was an accident I swear. I didn't do this on purpose, you just startled me. I got this… I promise… Now I'm talking too much again…. I'm sorry. I'll shut up, I promise. I mean it, I won't say anything else. Alright? No reason to get mad…. See, I'm being good…. I'm…….I….." then his panic ridden voice fell silent and I couldn't but dash around the island to see why.

Kurama had stopped in mid-reach for a broken piece of glass, his eyes wide, brimming with unshed tears. His other hand was pressed flat to the ground, blood pooling from underneath it. He lifted his palm and stared at the rather large shard of glass sticking out from his skin. He just stared at it, the pain of the wound never registered in his mind as he looked up at me and quickly continued on with picking up the shards, using only one hand. This time, however, he just grabbed the shards of glass, causing more and more blood to spill on the floor. I couldn't do anything besides stare in horror as he rambled on once more.

"I'm sorry…. I'll get this up. See. Almost done. I'll get the mop then clean up the tea. Don't worry. No need to get angry. See, no reason. I'll be done in a moment… Don't worry. I promise. See, I'm doing it. I told you. I promised didn't I? I'm sorry…. There's no need to get mad….. No need…. See…. No need to get mad……" Kurama rambled on and on, like he was broken or something. He just continued to grab the shards and throw whatever didn't sink into his skin in the trash. Tears formed in my eyes as I watched the scene play out.

Finally, my body fell into motion as I reached out and grabbed Kurama's arm as he went to grab another painful handful of glass. He looked up at me with those dead eyes and just stared. He broke free of my grasp and got up, then quickly got back on his knees to finish cleaning the mess. I tried to stop him again but he just continued with what he was doing.

"Kurama, stop…. You're hurting yourself." I tried but not even that made it through to him. He just picked up the pace, ignoring my cries and demands for him to stop.

"Kurama! Kurama that is enough! Stop this at once! You're only making a bigger mess! Kurama! Are you listening to me?"

He wasn't. He just kept going, rambling about not to get mad and that he was cleaning up the mess like he had promised, that he was being good.

"**Kurama!**" I yelled and when that didn't get him to stop, I slapped him… Hard. It worked though and that's all that I wanted. Kurama had stopped with his hand over whatever was left of the cup, his eyes wide in panic, tears beginning to crawl their way down his cheeks. His hand shook, from whatever emotion that was going through him at the moment, as he lowered it out of the air. Slowly, his other hand came up and cupped his stinging cheek, not ever wincing as the motion caused the shards to embed themselves deeper into his palm.

Several minutes ticked by without a word spoken. The silence filled the house once more, causing a shiver to once more run the length of my spine.

Finally, a barely audible whisper made its way from Kurama's lips as his rambling continued on.

"I'm… sorry. I made you mad….. I did it again. I'm a bad demon. I made you mad…. I'm sorry. I'm starting to cry too…. I don't mean to disappoint you… I mean it. I promised myself that I wouldn't make you mad….. I promised to change everything so you'd be happy….. I failed….. I'm horrible. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. I'll stop crying now……… I'll stop talking now too. I talk too much, don't I? I promise to talk less, okay? Okay." And with that Kurama fell silent.

Gently, I pried Kurama's hand away from his face so I could inspect the wound. I cringed.

"We have to bandage these Kurama." I said, pulling on his arm, letting him know that I wanted him to stand. He did so without looking at me. I pulled him along until we made it to my bathroom on the second level of the house. I had him sit on the toilet as I grabbed the rubbing alcohol from the medicine cabinet. I took the wash cloth of the towel rack and placed it with the rubbing alcohol before I took the emergency bandages from cupboard above the toilet.

As gently as I could, I pulled the fragments of the tea cup from Kurama's hand, noticing that Kurama never hissed in pain or cringed. Taking the bottle of rubbing alcohol, I gently cleaned his wounds, but before muttering, "This may sting." Once more, Kurama never moved, never showed he was in pain. Not a flinch…. Just nothing. Afterwards, I bandage his hands and stayed kneeling between his legs, looking up into his dead and glazed eyes. He stared out into nothing.

"Come on Kurama; let's get you to bed, alright? You need to rest." I whispered, pulling him along once more.

Sighing as I laid Kurama down in my bed, I pulled the covers over his shaking body. He just stared at the wall in front of him, seeing everything and at the same time, saw nothing. I left him alone, knowing perfectly well that he wouldn't go to sleep but he wouldn't leave the bed as well.

I made my way back down the stairs and into the kitchen. Walking over to the closet, I took out our mop before walking over to the mess on the floor. I stared down at it for a moment, hypnotized by the tea and blood smeared across the floor, as if a child had been playing with finger paint. Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath before I began to clean up the mess. Silently, I cursed Kurama.

"Damn it Kurama, why'd you have to go and brake?"

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**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Well, I hope you liked the chapter. Wasn't what you were expecting, huh? Anyway, I please review. I need to know what you think of this one. 


	13. Canvas

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** Umm…… heh heh…. (ducks behind a trashcan) I KNOW!! I KNOW!! (emerges slowly) It's been awhile hasn't it? Over a year, I believe… (ducks again) I DIDN'T FORGET I SWEAR!!!!!! (points to disclaimer) HERE…. READ!!!!!

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho, nor any of the characters. This story is purely fan made and I make zero dollars from it. However, I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name.

**Chapter Warning(s):** Angst, Abuse, Dark Themes, Vampirism, and Character Death.

**Chapter Rating: **Soft R (too be safe)

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_Italics_/thoughts

**Bold**/Change of POV and Title

Regular/story

* * *

**Canvas**

**(Normal POV)**

Blinding pain…. Agony….. A scream….. Silence.

So thick…. Suffocating… Intoxicating…. More force…. More blood…. So beautiful… Lovely….

Blinding pain… Agony….. A scream…. Silence.

Must have more. Need more. The smell; so rich. So consuming. Must have more. Crave it. Yearn it. So delicious…..

Blinding pain…. Agony…. A scream… Silence.

Watch it run down in rivulets. Taste it. So sweet. Must have more. Must make more. Bleed….

Blinding pain… Agony… A scream… Silence.

Yes. Cry out. Scream. Sing for me. Melody. Like a Nightingale. Sing more. Such a lovely voice. So soft. So tender. Can you sing louder?

Blinding pain… Agony… A scream… Silence….. A plea.

Begging? No. Won't work. Gone… Too far gone… Hate? No. Love. So Sweet. Beg more.

Blinding pain… Agony… A scream… Silence….. A sob.

Tears? Like rain. Salty. Disgraceful. Beautiful. Love it. Need it. More.

Blinding pain…. Agony….. A scream….. Silence.

Yes.

Blinding pain…. Agony….. A scream….. Silence.

More.

Blinding pain…. Agony….. A scream….. Silence.

Sing for me.

Blinding pain…. Agony….. A scream….. Silence.

Louder!

Blinding pain…. Agony….. A scream….. Silence.

All done? So sad….

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**(Kurama's POV)**

_So vile._

The whipped slipped through my fingers like sand. I stared down at the body on the floor and smiled. Rivers of sweet intoxicating crimson dripped to the floor and the smell swirled in the air, consuming me, enrapturing me. I wanted a taste… I wanted to lick it all gone. I felt a shiver run down the length of my spine at the mere thought of the coppery taste, the tangy sweetness of life. So delicious.

_Disgusting…._

I knelt down next to my canvas. Never before has he been more beautiful than he is now. No. He is like an angel. My own fallen one. So dark and morbid, so full of misery and pain, of agony and despair. I glow, knowing I made this; I made him as he is now. Curled up, bleeding, sobbing; beckoning me with that morbid tone. Ah… So intoxicating. I want to hear more. I want to make him scream until he is horse, until his throat rips and fills with life, suffocating him. Such a pleasant thought.

_Morbid fascination._

I touch my canvas and feel him shudder at the feel. Such a powerful feeling, this control. His fear is thick in the air. I want to break him, tear him into tiny pieces slowly, agonizingly. I want to cause him more pain. More suffering. He is my canvas… I do as I please with it.

_Such filthy hands…. _

I lean in and lick his ear. So sweet, as I knew he would be. He shivers, his fear growing. I smirk. I took another taste from him, and he tenses this time. Ah, he knows me all too well. I will destroy him tonight, make him bleed… I will kill him.

_No more…._

Turning my canvas to face me, I smile. Trails of rain mark his porcelain face. Aww, my baby is crying. Such a delightful sight. I want to kiss the rain, so I do. He whimpers. So untrusting of me, canvas. It hurts me. I do not like it when you hurt me. It makes me want to hurt you more. So I do.

_Enough…._

I tilt his head to the side and lick his jugular. I moan. He freezes. Mort hurt…. An eye for an eye, canvas. So I bite, hard. Blood fills my mouth, so tangy and sweet. I drink. I'm on cloud nine. He begs more me to stop. So, I only suck faster. He needs to learn. I am the artist here and he is my canvas. I do as I please.

_I can't watch anymore._

I pull back, my hunger sedated for now. I lick away your trace from my lips and watch as you look away. Tsk, tsk, canvas. You cannot escape me. I will paint you with such pretty pictures. I will make you bleed, make you never forget. So I grab your chin and force you to look. You hate it. I can see. And it makes me giddy inside. I smile. You cringe and I relish in my power.

_Make it stop…._

Standing, I walk to the other side of the room and reach into the open drawer. Shuffling through my favorites toys, I pull out what I was looking for. Perfect. Turning back, you begin to beg again. The dancing light on the gleaming blade is all you need to know. Oh, the power I hold. It's so consuming, and so, I allow myself to drown in it. I will make you bleed. I am the artist here and you, you are my canvas.

_That isn't me._

Walking back over to my precious canvas, I kneel down again. I press it against you and your tremble and beg more. So sweet. I slide it against you and you hiss in pain. Then it comes, the life inside of you. I smile and lean down to lick it away. Mmm… so delicious. I must have more. Need more. I look into your bloody eyes and smirk. Death is becoming for you.

_I'm not like that. _

I raise it to your throat, and you begin to fight. Ah, now so alive. Ironic, when so close to death. Funny to. So I laugh and you narrow those haunting orbs. Ah, brave to? I cannot have that. So I press harder and I can see it pulse through the thin line. You snarl. Oh? Playing games are we? Cannot have that.

_I would never…._

So I backhand you and you freeze, stunned for a moment but that is all I need. I slice. You scream. And it is pouring so thickly. Yes, my canvas, bleed. I want to see that life. I am not disappointed. Tears are coming again. Lovely. A picture perfect. Worth a thousand words. I laugh again and you shield away. Oh? Want to escape? No. Can never escape. Not possible.

_Leave…._

So I punish you. Always punishing you. Tsk, you should have learned by now. But you didn't. I shake my head and you snarl again. I frown. No need to be feral with me. I have done nothing to you to earn it. Yet. Nothing Yet. But I will. I told you, I will kill you. I will break you. I am the artist here, not you. You are the canvas, so lie still so I may paint a masterpiece.

_I don't want this_.

But you don't. Instead, you thrash about, bucking, twisting, and turning… You want free. Your fear has consumed you. And you want free. My morbid canvas, there is no freedom here. No, not here. In another place, yes, but not here. So I teach you this, but you refuse to learn.

_Please…._

I press it to your throat again and your body stops, but your will lives on. And it infuriates me. Bad canvas. You cannot have will. It is the steel that will take you away from me. I must break your will, steal it all away. I must make you bleed, canvas; I must kill you.

_Forgive me._

So I slice again. This time, it gushes. I see you choke and it makes me smile. Oh, the power I have. It is so enriching. Intoxicating. I love it. You hate it. It matters not, because you are bleeding. I smiled down at you, your wide bloody eyes horrified. You gasp and I laugh at your stupidity. Silly canvas, I stole your will.

_I'm sorry._

I lean down and lick your ear. You don't react… You can't feel. Is it all fading away now? Blackening? Is it drowning you? I hope so. Foolish canvas.

_I'm sorry._

I lick it clean and relish the taste of life. I look down and your eyes have dulled. I frown. Listless. I do not like the look, but it cannot be helped. After all, I did keep my promise didn't I? I made you bleed canvas.

_I'm sorry._

I stole your life.

_I'm sorry._

I killed you, foolish canvas.

* * *

I shot up in my bed, shaking. I felt the vile substance rise from my stomach and I turned to the side and left it come. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I sob. Tears come like a waterfall with no mercy. I cannot help it.

_I'm sorry._

The dream… It was me… No. It wasn't me. I would never, could never, but I have. I can't stand the thought and the vile substance rises again. So I heave. But nothing comes. I choke on my sobs as my tears burn my eyes.

_I'm sorry._

Then I hear you. You're at my door, peering in. I don't look. I can't. The dream. It was so real and yet you are still here. I take relief in that. But it does little to comfort. I could do that to you… I already have. I killed your spirit. That's worse that killing your body.

_I'm sorry._

You whisper my name and the melody is sweet, sung with concern. I don't dare look though. You may sing but you are nothing more than a tempter. A tease. Your melody mocking. But I listen anyway and I lose myself.

_I'm sorry._

You're moving towards me now and I want nothing more than to run away from you but I remain still. The bed dips and then you are near me. Your breath tickles my check as you lean closer. I sob.

_Forgive me._

You are grabbing my chin and I don't know what else to do. So I close my eyes. I know you're frowning but I cannot look. The dream. _Listless_. No I cannot look. So I don't. But then you whisper so sweetly in your melody of deceitfulness. You ask me to open my eyes. I cannot help but give in. So I do. And when I see your bloody orbs, I cry harder.

_I'm sorry._

* * *

**SingMyLullabySweet666:** I know it's not much, but I liked how it came out. I wanted something dark. Something that will keep you guessing. I think I achieved that. Don't worry; this chapter will make sense later. I PROMISE! Until next time, read and review.


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